blergh.

Sep. 11th, 2008 11:14 pm
valis2: Stone lion face (Default)
I will not bore you with the details of my continued unhealthiness. Instead, last night's crack!dream, with bullet points.

  • I was going to a community education center to teach several crafting classes over the course of an evening. Then I learned it was Hallowe'en and I needed a costume.

  • Lucius was attending as well. He was going as himself. On stilts. Because the only costume for a Malfoy is...more Malfoy, apparently. He wore a lovely set of black dress robes made from satin that reached to the floor while he was on the stilts. I had to stand under his robes (STOP LAUGHING RIGHT NOW) so that he could keep his hand on my head (NO MORE LAUGHING) so he could stay balanced.

  • Fred was going as well. He dressed up as Fred from Scooby-Doo and was complaining because the sweater was made of wool and was too hot and itchy.

  • I finally reached the community ed center and left Lucius behind. I wandered around for awhile, trying to find the classroom I was supposed to teach in. Then I ran into [livejournal.com profile] tjwritter, who was proudly showing off what she'd made. "But that's the project I was supposed to teach!" I exclaimed. "Who taught you that?" Turned out Lucius snagged my class.

  • Then it turned out that Lucius snagged all of my classes because I was late. At first I was grateful, but then I realized that he had collected all monies from the classes, and I was a little troubled because I had come up with the projects and the advertising. I tried to think of a fair ratio for us to split up the profits. However, Lucius was long gone, so it was futile.


Tonight is the last night of the antibiotic course. I wonder what it will inspire tonight...
valis2: Stone lion face (Flatlion)
I've had two bizarre HP dreams in the last week.

Dream #1: Remus and Severus were in some sort of Soviet-based AU. Party officials had found out about magic, and decreed it unlawful. Anyone practicing magic will be sent to Siberia/repressed/imprisoned/etc. All wizards and witches are forced to either try to escape underground, or take up the only job they are allowed to take up, which is Magician. And by Magician, I mean birthday-party Magician, with rabbits and hats and a fake wand.

Remus and Severus decide to take the latter approach, but Severus is sick and getting sicker, and Remus is forced to earn what little money he can with his routine. He gets shabbier and shabbier. They travel from town to town, the situation worsening. Eventually they are performing in a small city with a theater, one completely accented with light pine-colored wood. Remus is there to set up, but Severus is completely unable to perform; Remus insists that he rest and not exert himself.

Unfortunately, Remus runs into a Party member's son after the performance, who happens to be a wizard. The Party member's son can use magic, because everyone else will cover it up for him, considering his father's very high standing. So he pulls out his wand and taunts and harrasses poor Remus, who can't strike back, and because Magicians are pretty much considered trash and vermin, no one will stop him.

Dream #2: Severus is on a boat with that guy from the newer seasons of Clean House (Matt Iseman), you know, the guy who is as big as a football player. Severus is a wizard, and the Clean House guy is a Muggle. Anyway, Ben from Lost is on the boat, and he pulls out his wand and shrinks them both, inadvertantly shrinking a lifeboat that's behind them as well, and he callously knocks them into the ocean. The Clean House guy swims, pulling Severus along, and manages to get them both into the lifeboat, and then rows to the nearby beach. They get to shore, and run toward a house. Eventually, after a bit of Stuart Little inventiveness, they manage to get to the top of a dresser, which has a pitcher of oil on it (er, for a lamp!!), and they are overjoyed. However, Rip Torn comes in and starts rummaging through the drawers, looking for ancient Chinese coins which have a mysterious spell attached to them. Because they overhear Rip muttering to himself, they know the secret plot behind Ben's nefarious attempt to do something nefarious, but they're only six inches high and they're not certain how to go about fixing the situation. Rip drops his wand behind the dresser, and makes a break for it, I think, and they think they'll use his wand to get back to normal.
valis2: Stone lion face (Lion icon)
Yeah, I know, everyone's done this, but I couldn't resist. Mine has more italicized words, anyway.

One point for each line that applies to you.

  • You've made a costume.

    • ...and a Quidditch uniform.

    • You have multiple HP costumes to chose from, for any activity, including surfing.

    • You've made a movie!Filch costume.

    • ...and a book!Filch costume.

    • ...and you get regularly irritated when people can't tell the difference between the two.

    • You regularly dress as Sanguini, and carry a supply of Blood Pops in your pockets at all times.

  • You know what a Dark Revel is.

    • You've been to a Dark Revel.

    • You've thrown a Dark Revel.

    For the rest of the quiz, click here )
valis2: Stone lion face (chicken foot)
    How To Tell If Lord Voldemort Is (Or Is Possessing) Your Co-Worker or Colleague.

  1. Always wears sunglasses. Even indoors. Even at night.

  2. From his job application:

    NAME: Steve Sonotthedarklord

    GOALS: learn C++ programming, network with like-minded persons, take over the world and kill that nasty little Potter boy, become Microsoft certified

  3. Has an Access file on his desktop called "Walpurgis Knights" that no one can get into.

  4. Is often seen with coffee pot in the breakroom, tapping it with an oversized toothpick and mumbling something about creating a Horcrux.

  5. Hisses at computer.

  6. Read more... )
valis2: Stone lion face (flaky death eater)
    How to play the Cabbage Patch Kid Lord Voldemort game

  • Gather four to six players together. Open the box, which comes with a die, a Cabbage Patch Kid Lord Voldemort doll, a pink set of baby pajamas, and craft supplies.

  • Each player rolls the die. Highest score gets the first chance to grab the Cabbage Patch Kid Lord Voldemort. Other players can attempt a steal, however.

  • The player who successfully holds on to the Cabbage Patch Kid Lord Voldemort runs off into another room with the craft supplies. He or she must not be within sight of the other players.

  • The Cabbage Patch Kid Lord Voldemort proudly displays his Dark Mark on his left forearm. The player's job is to use the provided sequins, paint, paper, glue, scissors, sparklies, and ribbon to obscure the original Mark and draw attention to a new Mark that he or she creates. While waiting, the other players can discuss what really happened at Godric's Hollow.

  • Once finished, the player dresses Cabbage Patch Kid Lord Voldemort in the pink pajamas and brings him out to the other players.

  • The decorator receives a score based upon how many players he or she is able to fool with the new Mark. Other players score by finding the original Mark.

  • Start over again by having each of the players roll the die.

  • Player with the highest score at the end of the entire gaming session wins.


I swear I did not ingest any illegal or strictly controlled substances before I went to bed last night.

Ha!

Jan. 7th, 2006 09:34 pm
valis2: Stone lion face (chicken foot)
Just looking at a summary which includes the line, "Fun with Polly-juice."


I think Polly Juice should marry Horace Crux, myself.
valis2: Stone lion face (Default)

  1. Pay attention. You never know when someone might admit that they aren't really a pure-blood, that they think the masks are quite gauche, or that in the privacy of their manor they like to roll around naked in piles of Toothflossing Stringmints.

  2. Be proactive. Death Eater meeting coming up? Make certain your robe is pressed, your mask is polished, and your flask is topped off with Ogden's Old well before the Revels begin. Dungeon full of Dark Magic naughtiness? A few extra steps, and any Auror investigating your home will find themselves in St. Mungo's with a head full of chicken feathers.

    Just don't get too proactive. The Dark Lord might not be appreciative if you kill Harry Potter and then wander into Headquarters saying, "Well, that was easy."

  3. Strategize. Obtaining a case of Ashwinder eggs might be beneficial to you in the short term, but think how much more you'll gain if you share your spoils. Snape might finally give you that Libido Booster potion you've always wanted.

  4. Prioritize. Muggle-baiting, herding giants, researching new hexes...a Death Eater's work is never done! But if you take the time to carefully list your goals, you'll figure out which ones need to be done first. Prioritizing will enable you to pick the best target when presented with a group of Order members. The werewolf? The Minister's secretary? You'll know, and be able to act. You don't want to be known as the flaky, indecisive Death Eater, do you?

  5. Be an effective team member. Learn how to cooperate with your fellow Death Eaters and turn their strengths to your advantage. After all, one Death Eater can't limbo all by herself. Know the individuals on your team, and keep a mental tally of their likes and dislikes. Bellatrix will assist you in any Muggle-stomping, but should you try to enlist her in your new pyramid scheme, she'll probably turn you into a slug. Need something heavy lifted? Lucius won't give you the time of day, but might let you borrow Goyle.

  6. Enrich your mind. Really effective Death Eaters are always working hard on their next objective. Researching Dark Magic, gathering information about new targets, practising new methods of avoiding Bellatrix when she's inebriated...you'll find that the path to learning is also the path to renewal. Spending even a little time reading about obscure defensive spells can pay off in the future when the Dark Lord realizes that you've been spiking the Death Eater punchbowl with Libido Booster.

  7. Keep your eye on the goal. If you approach each decision with your mind focused on your mission, you'll be able to see clearly the paths you need to take. Create your future one step at a time. In no time at all, Voldemort will be serving you.


ETA: ICONS! Here! Thank you, [livejournal.com profile] digopheliadug!

ETA2: More icons! Here! Thank you, [livejournal.com profile] panders14!
valis2: Stone lion face (Default)
The Complete Guide To Clothing Charms: Billowing, Billowing, and More Billowing"

"How to Win Death Eater Loyalties and Influence a Homicidal Maniac Boss Who's Partially Lizard Without Getting Turned Inside Out"

"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Spies"

"Pride and Prejudice: A Guide To Purebloods"

"The Manor of Seven Gables: The Malfoys' Rise to Power"

"A Tale of Two Centaurs"

"The Sound and the Fury: A Guide To Creating Thunderstorms"

"100 Spells of Solitude: How to Keep Your Privacy"

"Remembrance of Things Past: Mnemonic Spells and Their Uses"

"Severus Snape and the Philosopher's Stone"

"Heart of Darkness: Voldemort's New Reign of Terror"

"Knockturn Alley, Yours: A Guide to Getting the Best Prices Possible"

"The Importance of Being Earnest: A Guide to Occlumency"

"To Kill a Mockingbird: Uses for Avian Essences in Potions"

"At Play in the Fields of the Dark Lord: A Death Eater's Memoir"

"A Farewell to Arms: How to Deal With Nasty Dismemberment Hexes"

ETA: This was supposed to be an entry on [livejournal.com profile] quirkyhpshorts (here, if you're interested)! Sorry about that. :)
valis2: Stone lion face (chicken foot)
This is the last time I will cut a spoiler for HBP, just to let you know. I think that most people have stopped cutting spoilers for HBP.

A little something amusing I wrote for friends recently...thought I should share!

Here )
valis2: Stone lion face (aggressive)
The idea for this came from "Stephen Sommers in Hell", which I originally wrote after I saw the Mummy, and continued to write with [livejournal.com profile] bookwench2096. I'll find it and put it up at some point.

Anyway, the basic idea behind this is that three of us have been hired to produce a script for "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire", and the following is a transcription of the first meeting between Mike and us.

Inside Warner Bros: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire preliminary meeting between director Mike Newell and screenwriters [livejournal.com profile] valis2, [livejournal.com profile] aerynstales, and [livejournal.com profile] bookwench2096.

Mike: Hello, pleasure to meet you.
valis: Likewise.
aeryn: Yes, a pleasure, to be certain. *winks*
bookw: Lovely to meet you!
Mike: Now, we've set this meeting up to discuss the rough draft of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire---
bookw: Harry Potter? Who's that?
Mike: The protagonist. Messy black hair, glasses, scar on forehead.
bookw: I don't remember him.
Mike: Yes, exactly my point. This was supposed to be a script of Harry Potter's fourth year at Hogwarts. Yet the script was delivered to us with the title "Severus Snape and the Goblet of Fire". I thought it was a typo at first, but upon a cursory inspection I realized that the script, in fact, followed Severus Snape quite closely.
aeryn: And...?
Mike: *looks at the three of them* Don't you understand? Harry Potter is the main character.
valis: In your version.
Mike: In every version!
Click for more insanity )
valis2: Stone lion face (Default)
Characters: Giant squid. Darth Vader. Yoda.
Rating: er...PG?
Warnings: Demented poetry. You have been warned. Also, abuse of the poem "Jabberwocky".
Het, Slash or Gen: Gen.
Description: Star Wars/HP crossover. Two poems. One insane mind.

Read more... )

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