I HAVE FOUND THE FLOATING CATS!

[valis2]

First entry (art)
Second entry (art)
Third entry (fic) (Fourth World)
Fourth entry (fic) (Fifth World)
Fifth entry (fic) (Sixth World part one)
Sixth entry (fic) (Sixth World part two)
Seventh entry (fic) (Sixth World part three)

For those who remember the insane floating cats entries that I drew when I was eleven (part one and part two. PS: I made some of the images larger so they are easier to see, have cleaned up the entries a little to make them easier to read as well)...

I have the sequel.

I started writing a story when I was fourteen. It was the first long story that I ever wrote. I wrote it in a red checkered journal that blumsmile gave to me. It was typical Mary Sue stuff, all about how three friends were going to save the world through bizarre prophecies and super powerful gemstones. Well, this story eventually could not be constrained by the limits of the little red journal, and I ended up writing more in a regular size notebook. I can't find the red journal (I have it somewhere), but that's immaterial at the moment, because I've found the regular size notebook stuff, which is where the story really takes a crazy turn.

Yes, because of the Leethstone (an enchanted gemstone), the three (plus a boy, oh! four) intrepid explorers are now crossing from Plane to Plane. Each Plane is completely unique. Er, was completely unique to a fourteen year old, I mean. And eventually the characters stumbled right into Floating Cat Plane because I was determined to inflict---er, reuse the material, apparently. heh.

Actually I don't know how to proceed with this. I could do short excerpts from each Plane for a week or so, and then do the floating cats stuff as it was...I don't want to bore anybody, but there's some stuff that's even worse than floating cats. No lie.

Okay, so I'll do it the long way. Don't hate me.



To try to help you innocent LJers make sense of this muddle:

Each Plane is a complete world. The characters are trying to get from gate to gate on each world. There are two gates on each world, an entrance gate and an exit gate to the next world.

The characters are:

• D'monle (my dear friend blumsmile, hee), who, in the story, is a Navy gal and also a ninja


• Wiglaf (another friend from high school), who is a new age spiritual counselor, and a shaman


• and me (Joml)...my story is that I went to California, was part of a rock band called Leviathan, had poetry published, and rode a motorcycle. We all had at least three names each, but I'm going to just narrow it down to one for sanity's sake.


• There's also a guy named Charbonneau, and I can't even remember why he was there, or what his past was. I don't think he ended up becoming a love interest, even. After reading a bit I realized that he is D'monle's friend from the Navy.

Hmm...am scanning the First World stuff...it's pretty boring. The characters eat lots of dragon meat, a tree comes alive and tries to kill them, they meet a giant dragon named Kazynth (Vel'hryntha, of the Lazen Dragganth, cousin to Man'hryntha of the Mahi Dragganth), and then they come to the Sorceror's Forest, where they each must pass a test to continue. D'monle must fight herself, Charbonneau must resist the temptation to become part of the "darkness", Joml (me) must resist the temptation to reunite with a dead lover named John who originally had "eyes, deeper than the deepest green sea" that are now black. Wiglaf must fight an evil shaman.

After that, the Sorceror sends us through the gate without so much as a by-your-leave and then we're into the next world. The Second World---oh wait, we skipped some worlds, this is the Fourth World. Or, as it should be named, the World of Allegorical Cats, or, even more accurately, Crack!World. This is NOT the floating cat world. It's even worse.

"Well, human!" said the contemptuous feline. "Aren't you going to kill me?" He jumped nimbly down from the fountain, his green eyes glinting.
"Kill you?" Charbonneau asked, confused.
"Yes, that is what you bipeds seem to be obsessed with, is it not?" he said, sitting back on his hind legs.
"Obsessed with killing?" he said, bewildered.
"Absolutely! Always coming through here with your bows and knives, killing innocent people---"
"I thought you didn't like humans," he said weakly.
"---cats are my people---scaring off the women, chopping down the trees, and doing all such nonsensical things!" the cat finished vehemently.
"Who are you?" he said, growing alarmed. If they were as Joml had said, and they had blocked the portal, then they wouldn't take kindly to such an intrusion...
"I am Hate," he said his voice full of loathing.
If Charbonneau was confused before, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now.

Try reading this horror.

"They're like Smurfs," said Joml. "Each one is named for a human emotion."
"Drop dead," said the cat.
"You rang?" said another cat.
"He's Death," said Hate.

Er...Death isn't really an emotion, but we'll just get on to the next bit of crack...

"Oh, what beautiful humans!" said a new cat. "Oh, I want to hug you all! I really am so sorry they barred you off! Hello Hate and Death, made new friends already?" she said, turning to the respective cats.
"This is Love, if you haven't figured that out already," said Hate contemptuously.

Actually, she sounds a bit like Dementia, but I realize that there's a fine line involved.

"Now, Hate, you mustn't be so sarcastic," said Love.
Death turned to them as Love and Hate began to argue about the value of sarcasticness. "They're mates," he explained. "Hate is the only one she can truly Love, and Love is the only one he can hate. Opposites attract."
D'monle raised an eyebrow.
"They had a litter of kittens once, and they turned out to be Indifference, Lethargy, Uninterest, and Mediocre," said Death.

Whaaa? Uh...okay. One of these things is not like the other...

Wiglaf whistled. "Nice bunch," she said, grinning.
"Well, we will continue on our way," said Death. "Since you managed to get here, I assume you can find your way to the next Crossing."
"Wait," said Charbonneau. "If Hate hates, and Love loves, what do you do?"
"I am not really Death, just a representation," he said. "I cannot die, but I cannot truly live, either. I must only live life to the fullest, and wait for the day when all cats are killed, and then I will give myself to the Cat Who Is."

I must have read Sandman by this point, I guess.

"When all cats are killed?" said Charbonneau.
"Call it Judgement Day if you wish," he shrugged, "but it is all the same."
Charbonneau nodded. "Nice meeting you, Death," he called out after the cats, who raised their tails as they left. "Well," he said, turning to the others. "Are we ready?"

Hee...the cats raised their tails! They've already sussed out the quality level of this fic, clever little buggers.

Omitted: truly stultifying passage describing how time runs backwards here.

Dark clouds on the horizon heralded a storm. Joml made arrangements for a nearby cat (named Generosity) to lend them his empty barn for a night. He tried to feed them breakfast and give them a wagon, too, but Joml refused.
"Fortunate we ran up with him," remarked D'monle as they slogged down the muddy road.
"Yeah," said Joml. "Most cats aren't too keen about lending humans a place to stay. With that thunderstorm coming, we were real lucky."
"I hope it doesn't rain again," said Wiglaf.
Charbonneau stopped, and the others, puzzled, halted also. He started to chuckle, and soon he was red-faced with laughter.
"What's so funny?" demanded Joml.
"You two!" he laughed. "Here we are, smack dab in the middle of a distant planet, farther away from Earth tahn we've ever been, and you are discussing the weather, of all things!" He doubled over with laughter. Wiglaf joined in. Joml and D'monle exchanged glances. A grin spread up Joml's face and soon all of them were howling. Wiglaf fell backwards into the mud, rolling with laughter in the brown dirt. They were all caked with grime when they finally calmed down.

Ah yes, the mandatory eighties Laughing and Mucking Around in the Mud scene. Can't have a proper movie without it.

"I haven't laughed this way in years," grinned Joml, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Me either," said Wiglaf. "Lately I've been so busy with work and my spiritual groups."
"The Navy's been getting a good part of my time," said Charbonneau.
"The Navy!" yelled D'monle, slapping her forehead. "I forgot about it!"

She forgot about the entire Navy? Goodness. Now that's absentminded.

"What?" said Joml.
"I was supposed to report back in a week!" she moaned, sitting in the middle of the road. "Oh how could I have been so stupid? I told myself to remember..."

Well, I tell myself things all day long, and very little of it sticks, honestly, so don't worry about it too much, dear.

Omitted: horrible scene where Joml explains time runs backward here. Yes, again.

"What's Fifth Wor--" Charbonneau started to say, but his words were cut off as a net was dropped on top of them from the trees above. Joml started to draw her sword but the coarse fibers got entangled around her wrists. "D'monle! Can you reach your sword?" she yelled.
"I'm right next to you," said D'monle. "And no, of course not, I'm lying on top of it."
"Wiglaf?" she asked.
"Yeah, but it'll take me hours to saw thr--" The ends of the net were gathered by the cats, who tied them to the back of a powerfully muscled team of horse-like creatures. There was a screech from one of the felines, and the horses began to move, dragging the bundle behind them.

Rather industrious cats, aren't they? I'm sure the cat named Efficiency is quite popular there.

"Oof!" yelled Wiglaf. "Get off me, you stupid lug of bricks!"
"Charbonneau, get your arm out of my face!" said Joml.
"It's not mine!" he protested.

***

"What are they doing? We've been sitting here for twenty minutes!" said Wiglaf indignantly. "I want to get out of this net."
"Sounds like they're conferring about something," muttered Joml. "Probably about the best ways to serve bipeds."
"Ah, sarcasticness!" chimed Love. "Hate has been explaining its virtues to--"
"Love, consort not with the enemies!" thundered a new cat. His tawny fur was covered by a shimmery coat of chainmail, and a small helm of silver was fastened underneath the chin by a strap. In his paw he grasped a long, burnished spear.

Hee! He's gripping his spear. Yep.

"This is War," said Love. War stood up on his hind legs and saluted snappily.
"I am the General of King's Armies," he said proudly.

Omitted: Mind-numbing dialogue where they introduce each other.

"Make haste! Make way!" called a voice.
"Oh dear, King comes!" said Love. "Goodbye, humans!"
"Bye, Love!" said Wiglaf.
From his vantage point Charbonneau could see two horses walking down the aisleway. The mass of cats parted to allow King and Queen to pass through, and they dismounted at their thrones, which were elevated four steps above the ground. The thrones were carved out of grey stone, and there were no other markings except for a crown for the King and a tiara for Queen chiselled into the backrest. The royal cats were seated, and then all present sat on their haunches and patiently waited.

The cats dismounted? How is that even possible? Oh, forget it. Wait til you see the balloons.

And now for something completely different...a fourteen year old American girl's attempt at an English accent.

"Good day, my chaps and cherrins," said King pleasantly in an English accent. "Now, it seems that we've got a problem on our paws. A small load of humans have popped right out in the middle of th' fountain's field, and we're stuck with a bunch of bipeds. All in favour of havin' th' poor blokes for dinner, raise ye paw." A paw was lifted here or there, but seeing no cat else raise one, they vanished. Charbonneau sighed in relief.
"Ol' right, then," said King, grinning broadly. "we'll have 'em for lunch." The cats all cheered loudly.
"Oh, great," said Joml above the cacophony. "I feel like I'm on the wrong side of the lunch line."

Am I serving salsbury steak? That line makes no sense.

And now I want to randomly insert the bizarre word "cherrins" randomly into my vocabulary and see if anyone notices.

***

D'monle snipped through the last strands of the net on her side and crawled out. Charbonneau followed her, grateful for the ability to move freely. Wiglaf took a deep breath as she looked up to the stars.
"Well," whispered Joml. "We had better get a move on. Remember, no loud noises. These are cats."

Hahah! Just in case you haven't, you know, noticed.

The group nodded in agreement and began to walk softly through the cat village. Joml had assured them that these cats had little or no nighttime vision, so there were very few out after dusk.

Haha!! Plot hole averted, Cap'n!

Joml halted them at a large wooden dwelling that was over 7' tall. She put a finger to her lips and motioned for D'monle to come with her. Silently they entered.
D'monle had no idea what to expect, but when she stepped into the rectangular building she recognised it immediately as a stable. 10 horses were arranged neatly, and hay was strewn about the floor. The horses nickered at the presence of unfamiliar animals. Wiglaf came up behind Joml and together they managed to coax four horses to allow them to mount. There were a few saddles on the walls, but they were too small. Mostly there were harnesses and plows, so D'monle guessed that only King and Queen rode.

***

Joml guided her horse to where the next crossing lay. It was almost dusk, and she wanted to arrive at the next plane in time to get a suitable inn. She didn't know much about Fifth World, so she hoped that it would only take them a day or so to reach the crossing to Sixth World.
Reining in her mount, she found the small stone that heralded the Crossing Point. Sighing, she ran a hand through her thick brown hair.
"Wiglaf, Charbonneau, wake up," she called. They had fallen asleep on their horses. Joml dismounted and found the Crossing.
"C'mon, guys," she yelled. Wiglaf jumped off and helped Charbonneau down.

To be continued...you poor, poor dears.