HBP spoiler: A little funny involving Voldemort

[valis2]

This is the last time I will cut a spoiler for HBP, just to let you know. I think that most people have stopped cutting spoilers for HBP.

A little something amusing I wrote for friends recently...thought I should share!

A Conversation between DE and Voldemort after the events of HBP

"My lord, Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy are waiting to see you."

"Ah, of course. Bring me my wand so that I can kill them."

"Er, but, my lord---"

"They failed to kill Albus Dumbledore, and for it they shall pay with their lives."

"Er, but---"

"They are pitiful excuses for Death Eaters! They shall be punished!"

"Er...my lord...they didn't fail."

"What?"

"Albus Dumbledore is dead, my lord."

"Dead?"

"Yes, my lord."

"That's impossible. That simpleton teenager? And the half-baked Potions master? They killed Albus Dumbledore?"

"Yes, my lord. Severus Snape struck him with the Killing Curse."

"This is some ridiculous joke. Ah, I see it now. After a few rounds with the Cruciatus Curse you won't be laughing."

"No, really, my lord, they killed Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore is dead? Bastards!"

"Yes, my lord. He's dead. Expired. Perished. He's met his end. He's breathed his last. He's ceased to be. He's departed this life. He's shuffled off this mortal coil. He's gone the way of all flesh, joined the crowd invisible, crossed the Stygian ferry, come to an untimely end, kicked the bucket. Bereft of life, he's---"

"I get the picture!" *pause* "Now what the hell do I do?"

"I beg your pardon, my lord?"

"They've screwed up my Great Plan, damnit! And Severus Snape? That mewling little worm! How dare he kill Albus Dumbledore! Who does he think he is, the next Dark Lord?"

"Uh...should I cancel the party? I might be able to get a refund on the fruit punch..."

Comments

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Giggling madly.

The fruit punch line especially.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Hee! Glad you liked. Have some punch.

[aramintasnape.livejournal.com]

*snort*

Love it! The ending is great ;)

Nice icon, BTW!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, so glad you like it! It took three tries, ugh. I just kept thinking, this is not exactly how I want it, and finally on the last try I got the spacing right. I'm very inexperienced at making icons.

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

*giggles at the fruit punch*

Voldie-Poo had better watch out for Sevvie!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Heh! Snape as the next Dark Lord...what a thought.

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

He'd call himself "Lord God King Sevvie-Poo" and refer to his minions as "dunderheads."

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. And he'd make a special holiday where they'd put on a play called The Marauders Are Bastards.

[mimbulus.livejournal.com]

And then a follow up called "And Potter is An Idiot"

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

*rolls over*

That was awesome. And eerily believable.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Now, of course, I'm all intrigued with the possibilities of Snape as Dark Lord.

Everyone would have to call him some fussy title. "Yes, my lord Prince" or some nonsense.

His robes would billow even more.

He would probably give DADA lectures and force all of the DEs to attend, too. *smirk*

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

In my head, he's doing all this with a Yorkshire accent. Hee.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Totally amusing, in't?

[aerynstales.livejournal.com]

*laughs so hard she snarfs diet coke*

Oh man...that's priceless! Excellent little piece! Now I'm invisioning the Dark Lord with a dead parrot...sigh...

It's official...my mind is gone!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*dances around in joy* Glad you liked it! :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_noesumeragi_/]

HahaHAhhahAhaaaaa... that is too good... but somehow, after HBP I thought Voldie could react like that... Poor Voldie, bested by Snivellus! XD

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I really want to know what Voldemort's reaction was when he was told that Dumbledore was dead...and by whose hand!

[ishie]

He's bleedin' demised!

I cannot stop laughing. So funny.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Hee! Glad you like. A little MP goes a long way.

[cantatrix05.livejournal.com]

"Now what the hell do I do?"

Don't worry Your Evilness. I'll nail 'im to the perch and you can kill 'im again!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Haha! He'll be pushing up the daisies...

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

Nah, he's pining!

Anyway, thanks alot. I just got over the giggles from when this showed up in MoMAD!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*laughs* A double dose of the giggles, then. ;)

[rickfan37.livejournal.com]

ROFL, so funny! :-) Thank goodness I didn't read it at work!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

aieeee! Stop with the gorgeous icons already! *flails*

[rickfan37.livejournal.com]

Just wait till you see my new mood theme...

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

*laughs like a loon*

Oh, excellent! I love this! And somehow, I can see this happening~!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It's that leetle touch of truth that made me feel just a bit weird when I was writing it...Snape is going to be in for a difficult situation when he returns to the DEs!

[mysduende.livejournal.com]

"They've screwed up my Great Plan, damnit! And Severus Snape? That mewling little worm! How dare he kill Albus Dumbledore! Who does he think he is, the next Dark Lord?"

*snickers*
And he certainly didn't save Draco's arse either by doing the dirty work for him.

Loved it. More, please?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have a feeling the both of them are in for a rather difficult meeting, don't you? ;)

More? Really? ooh! I'll have to think of something good.

[mysduende.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have a feeling the both of them are in for a rather difficult meeting, don't you? ;)

Absolutely. Going to hard for. them. both.

[mysduende.livejournal.com]

Yep. I wish this damnable thing edited comments. Ah, well..

I say: Going to be hard for. them. both.

[mimbulus.livejournal.com]

"He has ceased to be. This is a dead Dumbledore, my lord."

*giggles*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

"If you hadn't nailed him to the Astronomy Tower, he'd be pushing up the daisies..." *giggle*

[mimbulus.livejournal.com]

This Headmaster is no more. This is an ex-Headmaster.

[kleio-the-muse.livejournal.com]

You killed me!:D Damn you, you murdering, you!

Oh, and that Thesaurus of death gave yet another Monty Python moment, which is always nice:)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, a little MP brightens the day, absolutely!!

[pen-and-umbra.livejournal.com]

The chicken foot kills me. You kill me.

Wheeze.

Refunds! *ded now*

And when's your b-day again? Would you like something Star Wars-y? Because if so, I defs. know what I'm giving to ya. ;) Other things more difficult, but for reasons passing understanding, don't know how big of a SW fan you are... maybe I can blame the Tolkien Society for temporary memory loss? Indeed!

[/ramblypants]

[valis2.livejournal.com]

And when's your b-day again? Would you like something Star Wars-y? Because if so, I defs. know what I'm giving to ya. ;)

My birthday is coming up...August 27th...I'll be in Chicago that day, however, and not back in MI until the 29th or 30th, I think.

I'm so happy you're back! :) It just wasn't the same without bendy Palpatine pr0n.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I loves me some SW. Yep.

[vanityfair00.livejournal.com]

Intrigued by your other discussion, I poked around a little, found this and loved it. This is exactly my thoughts on how such a meeting would go, (fruit punch and all.)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I am wondering what will happen when LV realizes that Snape has killed Ddore...there might be a bit of fear there, and LV will most likely want to get rid of Snape, I think. Wah!

[vanityfair00.livejournal.com]

I agree wholeheartedly. A few days after HBP came out, amongst all the cries that Snape did it under DD's orders so that he could "go deeper undercover," I wrote an essay reminding people that's not how evil dark lords and power hungry dictators work. Check it out if you're interested...Snape's All Alone It's more serious. I think I prefer your presentation better! ;-)

And I love the icon, I know its a Princess Bride reference but the first thing I thought of when I saw it was The Chicken Heart that Ate NYC by Bill Cosby...don't know why but I did.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm of three minds about Snape. It could go any way, really, but I'm afraid that JKR is steering us towards "Snape wasn't working under DD's orders when he killed DD", unfortunately.

[bookwench2096.livejournal.com]

Of course, some people would say that Dumbledore isn't REALLY dead.

I could see it now...

Voldy: "He's really dead, you say?"

Minion: "Yes, my Lord. Dead."

Dumbledore (weakly:) "I think I'll go for a walk..."

Voldy: "What was that?"

Minion: Nothing, nothing, my Lord. Really. He's stone dead."

DD: "I feel happy....I feel happy..."

Minion (whacks him with his cane and whispers the killing curse)
"As I said, My Lord....Dumbledore is dead."

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Minion (whacks him with his cane

Could that be...the PIMP CANE?!!

[bookwench2096.livejournal.com]

Ah, the PIMP CANE!

Ooooh, the man that weilds that fine piece of mahogany.

heh. pimp cane rules. (and bookwench drools)