HBP spoiler: A little funny involving Voldemort

[valis2]

This is the last time I will cut a spoiler for HBP, just to let you know. I think that most people have stopped cutting spoilers for HBP.

A little something amusing I wrote for friends recently...thought I should share!

A Conversation between DE and Voldemort after the events of HBP

"My lord, Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy are waiting to see you."

"Ah, of course. Bring me my wand so that I can kill them."

"Er, but, my lord---"

"They failed to kill Albus Dumbledore, and for it they shall pay with their lives."

"Er, but---"

"They are pitiful excuses for Death Eaters! They shall be punished!"

"Er...my lord...they didn't fail."

"What?"

"Albus Dumbledore is dead, my lord."

"Dead?"

"Yes, my lord."

"That's impossible. That simpleton teenager? And the half-baked Potions master? They killed Albus Dumbledore?"

"Yes, my lord. Severus Snape struck him with the Killing Curse."

"This is some ridiculous joke. Ah, I see it now. After a few rounds with the Cruciatus Curse you won't be laughing."

"No, really, my lord, they killed Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore is dead? Bastards!"

"Yes, my lord. He's dead. Expired. Perished. He's met his end. He's breathed his last. He's ceased to be. He's departed this life. He's shuffled off this mortal coil. He's gone the way of all flesh, joined the crowd invisible, crossed the Stygian ferry, come to an untimely end, kicked the bucket. Bereft of life, he's---"

"I get the picture!" *pause* "Now what the hell do I do?"

"I beg your pardon, my lord?"

"They've screwed up my Great Plan, damnit! And Severus Snape? That mewling little worm! How dare he kill Albus Dumbledore! Who does he think he is, the next Dark Lord?"

"Uh...should I cancel the party? I might be able to get a refund on the fruit punch..."

Comments

[pen-and-umbra.livejournal.com]

The chicken foot kills me. You kill me.

Wheeze.

Refunds! *ded now*

And when's your b-day again? Would you like something Star Wars-y? Because if so, I defs. know what I'm giving to ya. ;) Other things more difficult, but for reasons passing understanding, don't know how big of a SW fan you are... maybe I can blame the Tolkien Society for temporary memory loss? Indeed!

[/ramblypants]

[valis2.livejournal.com]

And when's your b-day again? Would you like something Star Wars-y? Because if so, I defs. know what I'm giving to ya. ;)

My birthday is coming up...August 27th...I'll be in Chicago that day, however, and not back in MI until the 29th or 30th, I think.

I'm so happy you're back! :) It just wasn't the same without bendy Palpatine pr0n.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I loves me some SW. Yep.