Haiku: Treachery

[valis2]

Title: Treachery
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst
Summary: The final battle. Severus thinks about Remus, and his own betrayals. Written for the December 2005 lupin_snape Haiku challenge.



I wanted you then
and now and all of the time
that is in-between.

There was a day, light,
a time for dreaming such things;
no, there never was.

I would be just as
empty as the open palm
if it meant you, here.

Ours is not to have.
Mine is to burn with a brand.
Yours is to struggle.

There is treachery,
and there is treachery, and
yes, I have done both.

You always left me
for them. But where are they now?
You will die alone.

You stand, smile that
insufferable smile,
and I can't kill you.

Another burst, cold
light from a silver hand, and
you, betrayed, again.

I watch as you fall,
still holding an inner grace
that I cannot find.

I have killed the rat,
no time for his beggardly
pleading. You still breathe.

This act of potion
to your cooling lips, my hands
shake, yes, treachery.

I have bowed to red
eyes and blue eyes. I have kept
myself a secret.

This fluttering of
your eyelids, this is as close
to truth as I get.

You are the center,
I am in orbit, adrift,
nothing hurts like this.

Both sides now know my
shameful heart's allegiance. I
will not see tonight.

Another flash, green,
you wince as it misses you
and strikes the bare earth.

I turn and kill, it
is an instinct, I react,
he was my friend once.

You grab my wrist, I
know you don't understand. I
can't say that I do.

There is a dying
scream, far off, it rattles my
bones, the Mark burns hot.

There is darkness then,
something that tastes like regret,
a shiny cold dream.

At first I see stars.
Betrayal saves me again.
Others are crying.

You are there, and you
do not trust me, but there is
the light in your eyes,

and tomorrow will
see a set of promises
I will try to keep.