Pie Plate Ninjas
Sep. 1st, 2008 10:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2So while I was on my honeymoon I had this crazy dream. I was a ninja, but not just any ninja...I was part of an elite, all-girl ninja team. We only trained in a single weapon, and we wore dark black robes. (Yes, when I woke up I realized that the other ninjas in my order were none other than all of you, my HP and convention friends.)
Our order was very stubborn about only training with our single weapon. It was a rather unorthodox weapon, as well. Imagine, if you will, a half-inch thick steel pie plate which has been cut into six pieces. Those wedge-shaped pieces were our weapon. We would hold them by the curved edge.
Yes, I know it looks like a Modernist duck. Just roll with it.
Anyway, we were all training and stuff and doing our usual jumping about when suddenly we get the call to arms from the Big Cheese Ninja, who looked like![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
karasu_hime. She told us we had to storm the Sheraton across town because our sworn enemy ninja group was there. So we all took off in our Hogwarts ninja robes.
The leaders of the enemy ninja group were two very thin, very attractive, and extremely affluent ninja girls. They drove a ninja Hummer, and (gasp!) allowed men into their ninja group. Upon storming the parking lot, the other ninjas (I'll call them the Divas) ran inside the hotel. We chased them down and found a large gymnasium-style room at one end of the building. A heated battle ensued, whereupon we all pulled out our pie-plate weapons and began to strike out at our glitzy foes. Unfortunately, some of our ninjas were not as skilled with their pie-plate weaponry and we began to take heavy losses, especially against the Divas' best warrior, who happened to be a shirtless Matthew Lilard. He was wielding a very thin and short katana, and I made my way across the room and engaged him in combat. He was very good, and we reached a stalemate--his katana was stuck in my shoulder, but the base of my pie-plate blade was wedged against his grip, and the tip was cutting into his neck. But then I kicked him in the ribs, because when you have a pie-plate for a weapon you need to learn some underhanded moves as well (at least according to Karasu). With a few more extremely amazing moves I managed to slay the dastardly Lilard.
I took off for the next level down. The Queen Divas only had guns because they'd never trained with edged weapons; they merely gave orders to their Divas. I went down a set of stairs and found a conference room with a portable wall. I could see shoes underneath (Manolo Blahniks, so guess who) and I stabbed someone through the partition and then took off. The Diva honor guard gave chase and I went down the next set of stairs into the basement. Trapped!
But there was another set of stairs directly opposite! I rushed up only to see the other half of the Divas' honor guard coming at me. I closed the door at the top of the stairs and locked it and ran back down the stairs.
Fortunately, it turned out that the other end opened out onto the shipping dock, and that was when I discovered two of our ninjas kissing boys! (Orlando Jones was one of them.) I was not happy. Clearly we had been infiltrated by clever Diva ninjas! I shouted at both of them but then it turns out that they had defected to our side because we were just that hot. So I mentioned that there were a bunch of Divas coming their way and then I ran around the front of the Sheraton for more action.
And then I woke up.
Our order was very stubborn about only training with our single weapon. It was a rather unorthodox weapon, as well. Imagine, if you will, a half-inch thick steel pie plate which has been cut into six pieces. Those wedge-shaped pieces were our weapon. We would hold them by the curved edge.
Yes, I know it looks like a Modernist duck. Just roll with it.
Anyway, we were all training and stuff and doing our usual jumping about when suddenly we get the call to arms from the Big Cheese Ninja, who looked like
karasu_hime. She told us we had to storm the Sheraton across town because our sworn enemy ninja group was there. So we all took off in our The leaders of the enemy ninja group were two very thin, very attractive, and extremely affluent ninja girls. They drove a ninja Hummer, and (gasp!) allowed men into their ninja group. Upon storming the parking lot, the other ninjas (I'll call them the Divas) ran inside the hotel. We chased them down and found a large gymnasium-style room at one end of the building. A heated battle ensued, whereupon we all pulled out our pie-plate weapons and began to strike out at our glitzy foes. Unfortunately, some of our ninjas were not as skilled with their pie-plate weaponry and we began to take heavy losses, especially against the Divas' best warrior, who happened to be a shirtless Matthew Lilard. He was wielding a very thin and short katana, and I made my way across the room and engaged him in combat. He was very good, and we reached a stalemate--his katana was stuck in my shoulder, but the base of my pie-plate blade was wedged against his grip, and the tip was cutting into his neck. But then I kicked him in the ribs, because when you have a pie-plate for a weapon you need to learn some underhanded moves as well (at least according to Karasu). With a few more extremely amazing moves I managed to slay the dastardly Lilard.
I took off for the next level down. The Queen Divas only had guns because they'd never trained with edged weapons; they merely gave orders to their Divas. I went down a set of stairs and found a conference room with a portable wall. I could see shoes underneath (Manolo Blahniks, so guess who) and I stabbed someone through the partition and then took off. The Diva honor guard gave chase and I went down the next set of stairs into the basement. Trapped!
But there was another set of stairs directly opposite! I rushed up only to see the other half of the Divas' honor guard coming at me. I closed the door at the top of the stairs and locked it and ran back down the stairs.
Fortunately, it turned out that the other end opened out onto the shipping dock, and that was when I discovered two of our ninjas kissing boys! (Orlando Jones was one of them.) I was not happy. Clearly we had been infiltrated by clever Diva ninjas! I shouted at both of them but then it turns out that they had defected to our side because we were just that hot. So I mentioned that there were a bunch of Divas coming their way and then I ran around the front of the Sheraton for more action.
And then I woke up.