Thoughts on friending and personal stuff

[valis2]

I do like to friend new people, I really do, and I wish I could friend everyone, but there are time limitations involved. I'm a serial commenter, you see, and I'm gone about four months of the year, and both of these things make it a little difficult to maintain a really large flist.

I like to think of a flist as a "work in progress" (as pen_and_umbra so perfectly said). Every so often I defriend a few here or there and friend a new person or two. It isn't really a personal attack; it's just that I read every single entry of every single friend/community on my flist (okay, I skip over memes, but still), and it takes a couple hours a day to keep up. If I find myself skipping over the entries of someone, then I defriend. I don't use filters. I like to have my flist reflect exactly who I'm reading. I'm not exactly happy with the fact that it's called "friending"; sometimes I really wish it was called "gathering people for a reading list", but then again, many of the people on my friends list are friends now, and I wouldn't want to call them "gathered people".

The content of my journal varies. There is a lot of fannish content, but there is some RL stuff too, and sometimes I feel guilty that the fans on my flist have to wade through RL stuff, and vice versa. I've tried to do something new, which is using an icon for certain topics (like the HBP icon for HBP stuff, tLS icon for tLS stuff, chickenfoot/kangaroo sign for funny stuff) so that people who aren't into that can skip it.

Personal information. I know that it must bother some of you that I'm so cagey about what I do exactly, but it isn't only my own privacy I'm protecting. It's also the privacy of other friends and family. Just because I want to share the private details of my life over the internet doesn't mean they want me to share theirs. Funny stories and experiences are fine, I think. But there is this line that I really don't want to cross---I don't want everyone to know exactly what their business is, because then I'd have to go back and delete entries referring to how I did at certain shows, etc., because then you could simply backtrack and know details about their business that they usually don't share. And my business is directly related to theirs, so if I tell you what I do, you can figure out what they do. So I really try to keep it all vague and anonymous. I know it's irritating and confusing, but if you knew what I did exactly, then you would know what they did, and you'd be able to figure out where I am half the time, and I don't friendslock anything.

Believe me, I really would like to just go on and on about all of the minutiae of my businesses.

So that's the deal.

Comments

[whitemunin.livejournal.com]

Agree on all accounts. Sometimes I think the term "friending" can lead to hurt feelings when folks are defriended or not friended in return. The connotations associated with the word make the act of adding someone to your journal list or taking them off more than what it really is.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered if it could be solved with a change of name, but then again, probably not.

For about two minutes I thought, hey! we could have two categories! But then you'd have jockeying for position between the categories...it would solve nothing. :) Human nature is fun, isn't it?

[snegurochka_lee]

*hugs new friend* ;-)

Also agree that the term 'friend' is weird here. I actually stayed away from LJ for over a year, despite being in the fandom on message boards and fic archives and what not, for that exact reason - the term 'friend' peeved me to no end, as some sort of popularity contest or something.

I caved, of course, and now I don't mind it too much, but yeah, it's problematic. Will never be offended if you defriend, btw. (Gah! That is an even worse word, isn't it? Like, what if we all went around using it in RL? "You didn't come to my dinner party! I defriend you!" *shakes head*)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I felt a little silly the first time I used the word "friend", especially with someone I just met online through LJ. But now it's kind of sunk into my head.

And I am pretty low-key about friending and defriending. There are some people that, if they defriended me, I'd be surprised and sad, but mostly I like to be a journal where you can just drop in and out, with no flocking...just a nice, casual place.

Now I feel like I'm tempting fate by saying all of this...hee!

And I so want to shout at random strangers on the street, "I'm defriending you! You don't post enough!"

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Say bum more often.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Is that the key to your success? :)

[aramintasnape.livejournal.com]

You're right not to go into too much detail about personal stuff. That's why I locked my LJ recently - just thought it was a lot safer. I agree about the 'friending' thing too.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I get a little paranoid...okay, a lot paranoid sometimes. I just don't want anything to happen just because I put it in a LJ entry, you know?

[sylvadin.livejournal.com]

I have absolutely no problems with you wanting to keep personal information vague. I think it actually shows maturity and sensitivity to others, the fact that you are concerned about invading the privacy of your friends and family. Besides, if one wishes to discuss personal matters, there's always the option of private emails.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

:) Now I'm all glowy and happy.

I don't think anyone has ever, in my entire life, said I was mature. *dances around*

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

So is someone giving you a hard time over not friending them or not writing what they want you to write? Because it looks like it's full moon time again on LJ.
whheeeooooo.....

[jen-deben.livejournal.com]

I think she's about to defriend us all, en masse, and is just trying to soften the blow for us poor rubes. };-D

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

TEH BITCH!

Maybe we should all defriend her first!

[jen-deben.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN!! ARISE, ARISE, FRIENDS OF VALIS2 - AND THROW OFF THE BITTER YOKE OF OPPRESSION!!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Do you see me repressing you? Come see the violence inherent in the LJ system!!

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

[cantatrix05.livejournal.com]

I know that it must bother some of you that I'm so cagey about what I do exactly, but it isn't only my own privacy I'm protecting.

It doesn't bother me and it's perfectly understandable. The world-wide-ether-net-of-DOOM is a really fun but really scary place. Who knows what goofballs are reading all this stuff. I mean, if I can get here...

Now don't you bother your pretty little head about all this. Oh and I promise (cross my heart) a comment about the soundtrack after dinner ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Glad it doesn't bother you! I always feel like some sort of strange skulky person when people ask direct questions and I just kind of skirt around the issue.

Ooh, comments about the soundtrack! Whee!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

The expression 'defriend' really sounds like committing a sort of social Avada Kedavra. ;-) So an explanation is a good thing to have.

How much personal information does one want to reveal via internet? I have talked about this with three different people in the last 24 hours - funny how things do correlate. It is totally understandable that you like to keep facts to yourself than could be tracked.

Keeping some privacy is for me in equal parts about protecting others and about protecting myself. Especially as I don't want to mix my business and my private life. Even if the probability of being identified might be low - I'd rather treat sensitive information with needed care. So in a way I appreciate your vagueness. It works the same in real life: If you respect another person's privacy you a more likely to respect mine, too. One trusts those colleagues or friends more who limit themselves to a certain amount of gossip and don't just merrily give away every detail of a third person's life.

As IMO your writing is elaborate, I trust you to cover the information you need your readers to know to get the meaning of your postings. I enjoy them even with some details left out.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I enjoy them even with some details left out.

Thank goodness! I always wonder how it looks to people. It's hard to figure out if I'm getting my point across sometimes.

I absolutely don't want to mix my business with LJ. I have no desire to have current customers find my LJ, and I absolutely do NOT want to pester---or even have the faint aura of pestering---my flist with items. I know some people would probably want to purchase things, but I just don't like the feeling of "using" them. I don't want them to feel like I am fishing for sales. I don't think there would be any major problems, but I don't want any of the minor problems, either. My LJ is a little oasis of fun for me, and I don't want the pressure of business intruding.

Whew! long comment there.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Hello-

Just friended you. You will find my LJ very similar in content. Lots of fannish stuff and griping about work. Griping about Snape and his acessories, etc.

You don't have to friend back, but I like connectivity. I did not know about the snape meet up until celisnebula told me. i did not have net access at the con.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Have friended you back, thanks for friending me.

And I have no problem listening to "griping about Snape," most definitely. ;)