I am so cynical, yet goofy

[valis2]

A very close friend of my sister's has discovered chat rooms, and has been chatting with a guy in Austria for some time. They even made plans to see each other.

Apparently he wasn't available on chat for a day or two, and the next time she tried to chat, a "neighbor" answered her IM. Eventually his "ex-wife" emailed her to say that he was in a coma after having an accident while mountain climbing. Then today the ex emailed again saying that he had died.

My first reaction is that he was getting bored with the relationship, didn't want to admit that he didn't really have that great a job, and wasn't really coming to the States on business.

My sister's friend is broken up over this. Part of me says, perhaps it's true, he's dead, and I feel bad for her. The other part of me, the nasty-doesn't-trust-anyone part, is enraged that he's duped her. There's no proof either way, of course, but I have to admit that I'm skeptical too much for my own good sometimes. She's my sister's friend, so thankfully I probably won't have to talk to her about it, because I just know that I'd be scoffing if she brought it up, and perhaps this calls for mourning either way; she's trusted and let someone into her heart, and whether he really died or just didn't want to talk to her anymore, his presence is no longer in her life and it is a real loss to her.

Comments

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, sounds suspicious. A neighbor??? Yeah, my neighbors come into my house and open up my IM program all the time!

God, people can be such sleazes. *shakes head*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It was just so weird. What I was thinking is this. Most family/friends are either in the dark about the internet usage of their loved ones. I do realize that some things log you on automatically because they save your password, but still, I would imagine that after a traumatic, unexpected accident such as that, they wouldn't be logging on immediately...or even thinking about it, I suspect. I mean, somebody would eventually think about it, but I can't imagine it would be until the funeral. But maybe I'm overthinking it. I just think about the reaction of my family, and I know that even though they're very conscientious people, I doubt that they'd get involved with figuring out where I was hanging out online until at least after the funeral.

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly. If that happened, the last thing the family would be worried about would be informing somebody the guy chatted online with occasionally.

[sylvadin.livejournal.com]

My recommendation if you ever wind up talking to your sister's friend: Act as you would if she was a widow whose deceased busband had been a jerk. Translation - accept that she's canonized the guy (despite whatever he was in RL). Be polite if she mentions him and his loss. Acknowledge her saddness, but also mention that you're sure that 'so-n-so' surely cared for her enough that he would want her to progress with life. (Yah, I know, but use your acting skills, dammit.) Then drop the subject.

It's a lousy scenario in any circumstance. She 'knew' the guy but she never met him in person so she never had a chance to see his real life flaws. She's hooked on the 'what might have beens' which are always more romantic, more perfect than the truth. Only time will make his ghost fade away.

[subrosax.livejournal.com]

Sounds suspicious to me too. A mountain climbing accident? Good one. I consider myself lucky in my dealings with Mr. Bristol in that he at least didn't make up any cock-and-bull story about dying or some such thing. He dumped me by email, fair and square, and I sent him a delightfully nasty reply. Nice and civilized. Although I think I'd be pleased to hear that he'd died in a mountain climbing accident at this point. Oh well.

It all sounds like a hoax to me, but then again, I'm cynical too. If I were your sister's friend, I'd check the online edition of whatever Austrian newspaper covers his area, see if there are any relelvant obituaries.

[deviantauthor.livejournal.com]

Check the newspapers over there for the obits?

I do that every day where my daddy lives because his wife and he owns a greenhouse, so by checking the obits, I know about how busy they are and if I need to call them, I'll know where they are--at the greenhouse/shop or at home.

[katazhena.livejournal.com]

Can she check obits in Austria? A far reach, but she may find her answer there.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Thing is, it's not like they were Engaged or Rather Serious. Or even a Little Serious. They were...er...well...I'm certain you can guess. So I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face, though that is certainly the mature thing to say. ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

If I were your sister's friend, I'd check the online edition of whatever Austrian newspaper covers his area, see if there are any relelvant obituaries.

That's exactly what I said! The "ex" said she'd email her a copy of the obit, but c'mon, that's easy enough in Photoshop. She knows the name of his town, hopefully she can find a newspaper online.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been thinking about the same thing. Only I don't want to get involved. Heh.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing. I told my sister that. I hope she does look into it so we can find out if he's a saint or a skunk.

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

Well they could have said he'd been eaten by a bear!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, too true! Or a horde of nasty sharp pointy teeth chomping sheep.

[scatteredlogic.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I don't blame you for being suspicious. It's possible, though. A regular poster on a message board that I used to frequent was killed in an automobile accident. None of us knew it until approximately two weeks later when her sister began going through the girl's computer. She opened all the chat programs and checked all the bookmarked links, and sent a message to everything that had an auto log-in or where the browser had saved the passwords. Some of us were suspicious until another member checked their hometown newspaper and found her obit, so I suppose that you never know.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

See, now that totally makes sense to me.

It's just so soon afterwards...it makes me suspicious.

Then again, being suspicious is my normal state of mind. Heh.

[scatteredlogic.livejournal.com]

You're right about it being so soon afterward, and that does make it much more suspicious to me, too. I wouldn't think that contacting people on the net would be high on a grieving person's list of things to do, but everyone is different and people can act strangely when they're in shock over a death.

[vanityfair00.livejournal.com]

I have to say I'm with you on this one...

Or maybe the exwife did find out and she's really jealous and she made up this whole story to get rid of sister's friend. In which case he might email her (from the other side) next week.

[ziasudra.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, something sounds fishy. I suppose she can find proof by digging around Austria newspapers and the obits, though that's going to be a tedious task. But for me, this type of thing is false until proven true.

Sigh... whether true or not, this has got to take some toll on your sister's friend.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh! Now that's a possibility, too. I hadn't even thought of that. It could even be a new girlfriend, eager to help the boyfriend get rid of her.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Argh! That was me.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, she's upset, and I feel badly for her.

I just keep thinking, what if it really is a hoax, and she sees him again in a chat room somewhere? Ugh.

[rook543.livejournal.com]

As someone who has known Valis for many moons both on and off LJ, I can personally attest...

She is cynical AND goofy! (in a good way)

[zakkati.livejournal.com]

My first reaction was, 'Oh, poor thing'. But I am way too trusting. Such is the cross I bear through life!

I always believe the best in a person(not that being actually 'dead' is a good thing,but you know what I mean!) until they give me a reason not to. No second chances with this kitty!

I'd do the obits thing or trawl the local papers. Death on a mountain is still an excellent way to make the front page of a newspaper anywhere in the world.

X

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

I'm also suspicious, but I'm glad you are looking for (via eljay frendz) obits for this guy.

I would be inclined to think that it wasn't true, as I encountered a similar situation a few years ago. We used to have group chats with a male friend nightly, and occasionally he'd have his "friend" chat with us for a bit. Thing is, the friend never said much or had a personality. We sincerely suspected it was our chat partner saying he was his friend, so he could possibly read what we'd said about him while he "wasn't around."

And yes, he did have a history of mental problems. Not that you have to have that to do things of this sort, but there was a possibility that he had more than one personality in his mind as well as online.

I think it's unlikely that he's actually dead, but there is the chance that he is and doing more research couldn't hurt.

[deviantauthor.livejournal.com]

Don't blame you. *g*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes, exactly! ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm going to poke around a teensy bit tonight, see what I can find.

My first reaction was, "Oh, he must be bored with chatting, so he's decided to fake his death." I'm so cynical. Heh.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow! That's a crazy story.

Thank goodness I chat with (relatively) sane people. That would creep me out.

I'm going to research a little and see what's going on...I really hope that it solves the question.