The plot congeals...
Apr. 5th, 2006 12:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2Today's message to my sister's friend from the "ex-wife" went along the lines of this:
"I've gone through all of his journals and he mentioned you a lot. I still cared for him deeply, and our child as well cared for him. It might not have been an accident, it might have been a suicide. Please don't contact me again, I can't bear it."
My thoughts are this. We've found his homepage, and it mentions two children, and a wife. It also says he works for a different company than what he told my sister's friend. No mention of divorce. The wife's name is different than the name on the email. There were also posts on German forums, but they apparently stopped as of March 28th. There is no mention of him in the Carithie papers, nor of a mountain-climbing accident. The paper which supposedly would contain his obit, the Dutch Telegraaf, does not seem like a publication for obits; it's more like a Star magazine or a tabloid, though I could be wrong. I couldn't find any obituary listings in the online version.
I'm certain that there could be logical explanations for all of this, but just the very manner in which the information was conveyed leaves me suspicious. My gut reaction is that he was surfing the webs under a "persona", telling information that was nearly the truth but wasn't, had some fun with her, and then got scared when she turned out to be so into him. He was afraid his wife would find out, possibly, and decided to run away, and thought the only way to do that was to fake his own death, which he thought couldn't be too hard because he's half a world away.
By bringing in these new details, he's trying to actively discourage her from ever contacting him again.
And yet, I could be utterly, completely wrong, and he could be truly deceased, poor guy. I have no clue. I've already spent too much time on it as it is.
"I've gone through all of his journals and he mentioned you a lot. I still cared for him deeply, and our child as well cared for him. It might not have been an accident, it might have been a suicide. Please don't contact me again, I can't bear it."
My thoughts are this. We've found his homepage, and it mentions two children, and a wife. It also says he works for a different company than what he told my sister's friend. No mention of divorce. The wife's name is different than the name on the email. There were also posts on German forums, but they apparently stopped as of March 28th. There is no mention of him in the Carithie papers, nor of a mountain-climbing accident. The paper which supposedly would contain his obit, the Dutch Telegraaf, does not seem like a publication for obits; it's more like a Star magazine or a tabloid, though I could be wrong. I couldn't find any obituary listings in the online version.
I'm certain that there could be logical explanations for all of this, but just the very manner in which the information was conveyed leaves me suspicious. My gut reaction is that he was surfing the webs under a "persona", telling information that was nearly the truth but wasn't, had some fun with her, and then got scared when she turned out to be so into him. He was afraid his wife would find out, possibly, and decided to run away, and thought the only way to do that was to fake his own death, which he thought couldn't be too hard because he's half a world away.
By bringing in these new details, he's trying to actively discourage her from ever contacting him again.
And yet, I could be utterly, completely wrong, and he could be truly deceased, poor guy. I have no clue. I've already spent too much time on it as it is.
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 04:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 04:47 pm (UTC)Mmm, Snucius. Love that icon.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 04:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:07 pm (UTC)First: I checked two papers who publish obits in the paper version in my area. Both do not display them in the online version. I am guessing this is not usually something you do online.
Second: Should I die tomorrow, I know that my parents would be completely helpless as to my online friends, lists, LJ, etc. They wouldn't know where to start to get addresses from my computer or what is considered appropriate online. My boyfriend would, but they wouldn't, and I am guessing some people in my generation wouldn't either. So being clumsy with emails and/or online accounts is a hint but not a real proof of anything.
Third: I wouldn't put it beyond anyone to be a complete jerk and cheat on wife, kids, online flirts, whatever. I've had one of those guys in my past and it is, I think, quite common because the internet is such a nicely anonymous place.
Fourth: The wife's name in her email address on the website is different from his. It may still be different from what she uses now. Women over here can keep whatever name they want when they mary, be it their maiden name, the name of their deceased or devorced first husband, or their new husband's name. Same goes when they divorce them. They can keep it or go back to any other name they ever carried. Plus, a friend of mine kept her email address even though her last name changed after marriage. So all is possible here.
There are indeed several possible explanations (and you mentioned some):
1) The easiest to explain is: he really was who he claimed to be and he died. Poor wife and kids. Sorry for the online friends, but he was "just virtual" really for them.
2) He was who he claimed and faked/fakes his death to get rid of an online acquaintance. I doubt it, though. He has a really open homepage, with RL address, CV, pictures, etc. It would be just too much trouble to get rid of all of this for a person half a world away who he could just as easily have /ignor ed.
3) Or he took on a different personality from someone he found on the net, got bored with it, or sued for fraud, or in trouble of keeping his several personalities separate. In that case he is a complete jerk and deserves the death he didn't actually die. It does not explain why he would make mistakes as to the number of children he has. If I was able to find it on the front page, she should, too. nd then, maybe the older boy isn't his but his wife's child from first marriage? Just one possibility.
Two suggestions: Either book it as a bad experience (if she thinks 2 or 3 is true) and be more careful with her heart from now on, or (1) contact the wife by telephone or by the email address given on the homepage (which should be real) and make sure this is as it seems. Claim she wants to send flowers for the funeral or whatever. If he isn't the one, or if he faked it, they'll be surprised to hear "he died". If it's true, they may appreciate the gesture.
The suicide really gives me trouble, logically. I don't know what went on between him and your sister's friend, but thinking a 41 year-old professional would throw himself down a cliff for an online flirt he hasn't seen or spoken to f2f is a bit hard to believe.
The Miss Marple in me automatically thinks: What if the wife found out and pushed him? But I guess that is plot bunny hunting and not helping here, is it ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:22 pm (UTC)I wasn't clear here. Her FIRST name was different from the first name listed on the website. The boy's name was the same, however, the younger boy was not mentioned to my sister's friend at any time. And he's a baby. Under a year old, I think. I think that this guy wanted her to think that his marriage had been broken up longer than it had. In the emails the ex is saying that they broke up in 2001, but the picture of a year old baby on the webpage makes me wonder about that, because there is no mention of another relationship or marriage, just the one, with two kids.
Your other points are absolutely true, and thought-provoking. The obits thing didn't seem like clear evidence, but it did seem like a funny publication to put an obit in. I just assumed it would be in his Dutch hometown's local paper.
contact the wife by telephone or by the email address given on the homepage (which should be real)
That is an excellent idea, but, should he be faking, I'm certain that it will cause a few problems...heh.
I don't know what went on between him and your sister's friend, but thinking a 41 year-old professional would throw himself down a cliff for an online flirt he hasn't seen or spoken to f2f is a bit hard to believe.
I think it might have been a detail meant to make her back off further.
I'll pass on your thoughts to her! Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 05:56 pm (UTC)will cause a few problems...heh.
That's the idea >:-) If he faked all this, she deserves to know.
Worst case: Someone else took his personality. Then Frank would be in trouble for nothing. But then I guess this Frank would need to know that, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 07:23 pm (UTC):)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 09:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 07:34 pm (UTC)I was a wickedgirl and I just wrote tom him (hotmail address) and asked if I'd possibly know him... fporm a project...
He answered he didn't remember my name. Oh well, I wouldn't expect him to.
So, since I do not believe in ghosts sending emails, that Frank is alive and in posession of his hands. There you go.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 08:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 09:53 pm (UTC)I have broken the news to her and asked that she keep our "investigation" completely confidential.
The truth wins out!
*hugs*
I appreciate this so much, and she appreciates it a lot more, trust me.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-06 06:15 am (UTC)I hope your friend gets over it, soon.
(There is still the option that someone uses his identity... but not very likely, is it?)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 09:31 pm (UTC)Does Hell have wifi?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-05 09:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-06 06:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-06 05:38 pm (UTC)I mean, sheesh, Frank; if you were really a manly man, then you'd be brave enough to simply tell the girl that you're breaking the relationship off. Lying to get out of a sticky situation is pure cowardice.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-04-06 06:00 pm (UTC)