valis2 | New layout. (Reply)

Same old dementia.

I'm in the "overwhelmed" portion of the hormones program right now. Two days a month I feel like the world is crushing me and I have so many things to do and I get very very anxious because I'm not doing anything I should be doing and I feel this horrible time deficiency that makes me mental. (And of course, what do I do? Play on the internet.)

I mean, seriously, as good as the internet has been for my writing, it has really wreaked havoc on the rest of my life, if I'm being honest (er, perhaps over-honest, I'm in melodrama mode, remember). I haven't been crafting, really, I haven't been working on my website, and I keep doing just the bare minimum that needs to be done. Sure, I used to spend hours upon hours playing video games, and I've always had this propensity to put things off until the last minute, but this has been a bigger drain than anything before, even counting Civilization on the Amiga.

I hate doing the "I'm going to make myself stick to a schedule" thing. I hate saying "I will only be online for 2.6 hours tonight". Part of what I do on the computer is eBay stuff, which is totally business related, and of course then there's the whole photo thing...I need to burn a bunch of photos and do a few other odds and ends online. So I can't totally regiment it, and I'm not good with that anyway.

Still, I wish I could squeak out even five hours of crafting a week. Maybe five hours of doing proactive business things.

I think it comes down to the fact that I'm away so often. I become totally jealous of my home time, and I want to spend it doing things I enjoy very much, and just the thought of working while I'm at home sometimes fills me with...sadness? dread? I don't know. I do love working at home, eBay has been the best thing evah...

I think I have to change the way I browse, honestly. I have this OCD thing that goes along with Firefox. I always have four tabs open, two for email, one for eBay, and one for the fpage, and as I discover stories/entries to comment upon/cool links I open them in their own tabs, and deal with them one at a time. The problem happens when I have too many tabs open, and I feel like it's "unfinished". When only the basic four are open, I can run away with impunity and come back an hour or two later because I feel bored and then I remember the other things I have to do. When more tabs are opened, I feel like I have to be doing something with them, yet I only end up adding more tabs as I clear older ones out, which makes it more difficult to get away from.

Okay, enough babble. I need to hit UPS, and then hang out with