Torture!

You know, there's this roller-coaster which always accompanies writing (for me)...it's this continual movement, up and down, and it's even worse when I'm writing something like an exchange fic.

I'm working on the snupin fic, which is coming together very nicely (joy), and I am feeling all of these things concurrently, which is making my head spin:

• The recipient is going to hate it. I don't think this is what they were looking for.


• I am having the time of my life writing this. I can't imagine a more perfect scenario for me to write.


• I've bitten off way more than I should have. I'm glad that I'm flexible, and was able to rearrange things.


• I adore this fic.


• No one will understand this fic except for me, and one other person in the fandom who I know, for certain, shares this interest.


• I really love this fic.


• It's not going to receive any comments because no one's going to read it because it's such a bizarre niche-fic.


• I can't wait to finish this fic, yet I know I'm going to be sad when it's over, because I am really enjoying it.


• It's so utilitarian. I must embellish it. But if I embellish it too much, it'll be too much. Maybe I should leave it stripped down. Or maybe I should embellish it.


• No one is going to like this. They're going to get one paragraph into it and throw up their hands in despair.


• I am so very much hoping that odddollsstories thinks it's decent.


• I think I will actually be very, very happy with this fic, as long as the recipient likes it. If they don't, I'm going to be so very sad for ruining someone's fic exchange experience.

What's Ron's quote? "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode?" Heh.

Seriously, all of these thoughts have gone through my head today, sometimes all at the same time.

Oh, and I almost forgot this.

I heard an interview with Martina Navrátilová the other day, and I wrote down this quote (she was talking about losing out on endorsements because of her sexuality):

I lost out on a lot of money but being bitter about it would mean I would be bitter about being gay, and I'm not. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I'm totally convinced you're born that way, and I defy anybody to tell me otherwise...I accepted who I was a long time ago, and if I was bitter about the end result of that then again that would mean that I'm bitter about who I am, and I'm not.

She seemed intelligent and articulate, and she was a pleasure to listen to (even though I'm not much of a sports fan) . Though it's obvious that her words are meant for this specific issue, I think they ring true with a lot of other issues as well. Accepting yourself is a difficult thing to achieve, especially if you've been pegged as "different."