Torture!

[valis2]

You know, there's this roller-coaster which always accompanies writing (for me)...it's this continual movement, up and down, and it's even worse when I'm writing something like an exchange fic.

I'm working on the snupin fic, which is coming together very nicely (joy), and I am feeling all of these things concurrently, which is making my head spin:

• The recipient is going to hate it. I don't think this is what they were looking for.


• I am having the time of my life writing this. I can't imagine a more perfect scenario for me to write.


• I've bitten off way more than I should have. I'm glad that I'm flexible, and was able to rearrange things.


• I adore this fic.


• No one will understand this fic except for me, and one other person in the fandom who I know, for certain, shares this interest.


• I really love this fic.


• It's not going to receive any comments because no one's going to read it because it's such a bizarre niche-fic.


• I can't wait to finish this fic, yet I know I'm going to be sad when it's over, because I am really enjoying it.


• It's so utilitarian. I must embellish it. But if I embellish it too much, it'll be too much. Maybe I should leave it stripped down. Or maybe I should embellish it.


• No one is going to like this. They're going to get one paragraph into it and throw up their hands in despair.


• I am so very much hoping that odddollsstories thinks it's decent.


• I think I will actually be very, very happy with this fic, as long as the recipient likes it. If they don't, I'm going to be so very sad for ruining someone's fic exchange experience.

What's Ron's quote? "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode?" Heh.

Seriously, all of these thoughts have gone through my head today, sometimes all at the same time.

Comments

[jen-deben.livejournal.com]

That's quite an impressive list! :-D
Heh...my own list is much shorter than that. It runs more like:

C'mon brain! C'mon fingers! Write something! NooOOOooo! Don't play Minesweeper again!

Hey! This scene is turning out pretty well.

I suck. I will never be as good as Tad Williams.

But I am better than Lynn Flewelling.

NooOOOooo! Don't check LJ again!

Okay, I'm gonna write now. Yup. I am.

I wonder if there's any chocolate in the house?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's eerie! I know that list as well...except I'm usually checking LJ and eBay both. heh.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

On the plus side, if you are writing for lupin_snape , you are very very likely to get comments. Last year's Snupin Santa was a veritable comment-fest. That's true even if you are writing a total niche-fic.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I was thinking that same thing, because Snupiners are awesome, but still, I can't help but cringe, y'know? It's just a weird kind of fic, and I haven't seen anything exactly like it before, though a few times I've seen similar, yet they were...er...crack!fic, honestly.

So I'm nervous. Yeah. Really nervous.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

I do like to read a fic that isn't exactly like anything I've seen before! I think they call that "originality."

I'm psyched to see this one.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear! I was supposed to make it sound so weird and strange that you'd be pleasantly surprised, not make it sound like something you'd actually want to read. hee! Not that it matters, with no name attached.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_vocalion_/]

I've entered a couple of writing challenges, but never a fic exchange. I don't think I could string one sentence together if I were writing to please the recipient instead of myself. It's more important that you love it rather than the recipient, so if the process is giving you pleasure, that means there must be something there that's good! It would be worse if you were struggling and couldn't come up with anything to write. I don't belong to any fic exchange communities so I haven't read the threads, but surely no one would be rude enough to tell the author their story was disappointing or not what they expected. Worrying over what you've written is the most stressful part, I think. Once it's posted, I'm sure it will be well received. Most of the writers in the fandom are lovely people. I've come across very few shitheads. (Sorry, but it's time to cook dinner and I don't have time to find a more elegant synonym.)

Good luck with your fic! :-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

When I look at it rationally, I think many of the thoughts that you've so kindly outlined here.

Then the primal self-conscious takes over, and I'm completely undone.

This is why I only write one exchange fic during the season. It's too stressful! The writing isn't even the worst part...it's the worrying. I'm fairly certain that the person in question will politely compliment it, but I'm just afraid that they'll hate it in private. :( I just have to take that risk, I think, which is the whole point. I'm having a blast, it's slowly progressing (I'm hoping to be done by tomorrow, and have it off to the betas), and I've done my best.

whew! Thanks for the kind words.

[snegurochka_lee]

Aw! I'm just so glad you're doing snupin_santa!

Don't worry. If it's a good fic that you enjoyed writing and put effort into, then that's all you can do. If your recipient hates it? Well... eff them, to be honest. I've never quite understood wanky posts I've seen about a recipient not liking their story. If they wanted something super specific, they can write it themselves, IMO. The fun of the exchange is throwing yourself out there and asking for a gift; after that, you gotta be a bit flexible about what you get. Like any gift, right? If I ask for an iPod and get a waffle iron instead? I'm still pretty excited, because hey, someone bothered to get me a gift!

Also? If no one is reading yours, come over and cry with me because no one is going to read mine, either. For various undisclosed reasons. ;)

[/rambling]

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. If it's a good fic that you enjoyed writing and put effort into, then that's all you can do.

Those are such wise words, seriously, but my brain is too far into self-induced panic mode to actually hear them. wah!

I am totally emo!valis about this entire thing, I know, I know.

I am sensitive about the whole nature of the exchange, and it's because I'm like that in RL too; I am absolutely a stickler for getting appropriate gifts. I put a lot of time and effort into getting the right things for people, and if I receive something insane in return, I'm sad. Honestly, I had a friend once who would buy the weirdest things for me (Empress Barbie, and a Daisy/Donald Duck on a gondola Christmas ornament (I don't even have a Christmas tree), ugh), and later I figured out that some of the things were things she had impulsively bought for herself but didn't want to get into trouble with her husband so she gave them away.

Anyway, I'm really a bit crazed about gifts; if there's no thought behind it, I'd rather get absolutely nothing, honestly. I'm leery of a lot of consumer culture. I hate things that end up in landfills or I have to sell on eBay because I would never use them in a million years.

Okay, I'm evil, I admit it. heh.

Also? If no one is reading yours, come over and cry with me because no one is going to read mine, either. For various undisclosed reasons. ;)

Oh, thank goodness someone has the same thoughts. I am so glad you understand what I'm feeling here. I mean, seriously, I know that people adore Snupin and I will probably get more comments than if I had written for some other pairing, but still, I just know that it's so...out there that it will most likely receive the WTF award for 2006.

[seaislewitch.livejournal.com]

I did a fic exchange once. I don't think I'll do another one. I wrote what I HAD to write, meaning what was inside me. It did meet the fic parameters--it just had a whole plot thing in there too. *g* I liked the result, but it wasn't what the recipient had in mind.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, did they actually come out and say that it wasn't what they had in mind? What a scary thing! Now I'm quaking in my boots.

[seaislewitch.livejournal.com]

No, she said that it wasn't what she expected, but she was pleasantly surprised. I guess that's good. She had asked for Lucius/Narcissa, Bellatrix/Rudolphus and Andromeda/Ted, and I gave them to her, along with a Slytherin power struggle featuring Severus, Regulus and Rabastan. *shrugs* I just needed to write it. lol

[summerborn.livejournal.com]

Oh, goodness, I know *exactly* what you mean. That list could have come straight from my own brain (except for the one about odddollsstories :)). Just keep trucking, feel everything and file it away, and finish that fic!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I am pushing along quite nicely, thank goodness! I'm at about 6400 words right now, about two thirds done, I think.

It's nervewracking, though. I think the worst is that I just wish I had someone who was really into slash who could read it right now and tell me if it was interesting at all. I do have a RL friend who's been reading it, but he's not really a slash fan, and he's a bit befuddled by the whole fanfic thing in some ways, so he's very valuable in the sense of just having another opinion, but as far as the slash sense goes, he's not as useful.

I am so tired I could actually sleep on the keyboard, so it's time for bed. I'll be writing the rest tomorrow, I think, and I'm really happy about seeing the end of it...whew!

[summerborn.livejournal.com]

*gets out pompoms* Go valis go!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hahah!! My own cheering section! How awesome is that?

[summerborn.livejournal.com]

*executes double back-flip and three cartwheels*

Rah! Rah! Rah!

[lady-branwyn.livejournal.com]

It's so utilitarian. I must embellish it. But if I embellish it too much, it'll be too much. Maybe I should leave it stripped down. Or maybe I should embellish it.

I am hearing you, sister. I am at that point in a fic right now, and I feel like a hamster in an exercise wheel. How many times can I rewrite the same lines?
No one will understand this fic except for me, and one other person in the fandom who I know, for certain, shares this interest.
As the script writers for "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" used to say, "We don't care if everyone gets the jokes; we just care if the right people get the jokes." :-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It is a nightmare! Mostly when I think about it in my head, though, because then I slowly strip it down into absurdity.

As the script writers for "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" used to say, "We don't care if everyone gets the jokes; we just care if the right people get the jokes." :-)

I adore MST3K! hee.

The problem is, I want the recipient to like it. The "one other person" I mentioned...isn't the recipient!

But I've just reread it, and I think that I'm--if not satisfied--okay with it. whew! 10,000 words, too. I actually feel accomplished!