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Wavedancer commentary, part six
May. 8th, 2009 10:23 amIntro/Index of all parts | Read without the commentary
Alert: Abrupt shift in POV! Man the torpedoes! We are now entering Mike's viewpoint! Which (I must admit) I like a little better than Sarah's.
****Mike****
When I came back to her side of the house to ask her what she wanted to eat she'd already fallen asleep on the sofa, and I couldn't bring myself to wake her. I covered her with a blanket and went back to my kitchen to eat the leftovers I'd bought from Lenore; chicken mashed potatoes, sweet corn. Lenore was the best cook around, and it was a pretty good meal.
For some reason I wasn't tired, so I heated up a cup of coffee and sat down at my kitchen table. I couldn't help but think that she was the most stubborn person I'd ever met. The people I'd met at college and, later, at the marketing company were so different from everyone in Moray. Especially her. Even as kids she'd dig her feet in and that would be it. I remembered how odd it had been to be with her at first; I mean, she was Corny's younger sister, and it was weird to spend time with her. I was always tense that the other kids at school would find out, a fear that turned out to be well-grounded. Then we stopped talking and it was like a whole world closed itself off to me.
This is where having a NAME for the heroine would be quite handy. Because for a minute I thought he was talking about the cook, Lenore. And I wrote it.
So I have to address the lunacy of having a first person story with rotating viewpoints. BAD IDEA, YO. Good if you're an incredible author, but just...not good if you're anyone else. It confused the hell out of every reader who actually tried plowing through this fic.
( Read more... )
Alert: Abrupt shift in POV! Man the torpedoes! We are now entering Mike's viewpoint! Which (I must admit) I like a little better than Sarah's.
****Mike****
When I came back to her side of the house to ask her what she wanted to eat she'd already fallen asleep on the sofa, and I couldn't bring myself to wake her. I covered her with a blanket and went back to my kitchen to eat the leftovers I'd bought from Lenore; chicken mashed potatoes, sweet corn. Lenore was the best cook around, and it was a pretty good meal.
For some reason I wasn't tired, so I heated up a cup of coffee and sat down at my kitchen table. I couldn't help but think that she was the most stubborn person I'd ever met. The people I'd met at college and, later, at the marketing company were so different from everyone in Moray. Especially her. Even as kids she'd dig her feet in and that would be it. I remembered how odd it had been to be with her at first; I mean, she was Corny's younger sister, and it was weird to spend time with her. I was always tense that the other kids at school would find out, a fear that turned out to be well-grounded. Then we stopped talking and it was like a whole world closed itself off to me.
This is where having a NAME for the heroine would be quite handy. Because for a minute I thought he was talking about the cook, Lenore. And I wrote it.
So I have to address the lunacy of having a first person story with rotating viewpoints. BAD IDEA, YO. Good if you're an incredible author, but just...not good if you're anyone else. It confused the hell out of every reader who actually tried plowing through this fic.
( Read more... )