X-Files: Mulde and Skully, you are my only friends

• She was a fairy, all light and shimmering skin, while he was the big dark tortoise, grumbling and groaning his way through the forest.
  
  If this does not scare you enough, let me point out that this is part of a sex scene.


• [Krycek] crawled under the covers, tossed and turned, got up, grabbed his Mayor McCheese, went back to bed, and fell into a troubled sleep.
  
  I solemnly swear that this is not from a parody fic. ETA: The Mayor McCheese is a plastic toy.


• Three paragraphs into a long fic:
  
  Scully allowed herself the barest hint of a smile. "All right, all right, I'll do it," she said. To herself, she was screaming yes! I finally have a date with Mulder!
  
  "Great," Mulder replied, thinking yes! I finally have a date with Scully!
  
  It was going to be a really great day.
  
  So much for UST.
  
  Next scene:
  
  "MMMbop!" Scully cried. "I love this song! Come on, Mulder, let's go dance!" She grabbed Mulder's hand and pulled him out on the dance floor.

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