grah, decisions. just grah.
Dec. 30th, 2009 04:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2My sister and I carpool to work together (we work at the same place), and she told me she was working only a half day today. Now, normally this would be absolutely fine with me, as I have the most flexible schedule in the world, except for the last two months of the year. And especially the last week of the year.
As it was the last day I was scheduled to work, I had to really think about whether or not I could work only a half day instead of a full day. I had exactly enough work for a half day, you see, but there's always the possibility that something can go wrong, and then I'd need to stay and finish, which I wouldn't be able to do if I came in with my sister. Since this yearly project must be finished by December 31st, it's pretty crucial that I get it all done today, right?
So I decided to drive in with her and work only a half day. And of course, Something Went Wrong, and by noon, I had another half day's work left. So either a) I come back today, b) I come in tomorrow morning, or c) I leave it for next week.
My supervisor is generally very nice about things, but I always sense that change is in the wings, and I'm a little worried about whether this job will last, and I really need it. So I went in to talk to her about the project, and I said that the Something Wrong was still wrong, and I had to leave. She seemed to think that it was okay to leave until Tuesday, and the whole exchange was fairly nice, and then
I opened my mouth
and said something entirely stupid. Not on the level of, say, insulting parentage or something. Or insulting anything, really. But it was something I had thought about mentioning earlier and then realized that no, I shouldn't tell her because a) she wouldn't like it and I also realized that b) it was ENTIRELY a moot point and didn't matter to anything.
But I said it, and then I realized what I'd said, and it cast aspersions on all of my work (well, in my head), and GRAH. And I left and on the way home I called her and the IT guy and tried to deduce whether or not I should come in and she said it was fine if I didn't.
But god, she went to lunch with the other director right after and I am just kicking myself. They were looking at what amounts to hiring a replacement about six months ago, and I hope I didn't just put the final nail in.
GRAH.
And I just feel so tired and out of it and everyone I know is sick and I'm just waiting to catch it. grah.
As it was the last day I was scheduled to work, I had to really think about whether or not I could work only a half day instead of a full day. I had exactly enough work for a half day, you see, but there's always the possibility that something can go wrong, and then I'd need to stay and finish, which I wouldn't be able to do if I came in with my sister. Since this yearly project must be finished by December 31st, it's pretty crucial that I get it all done today, right?
So I decided to drive in with her and work only a half day. And of course, Something Went Wrong, and by noon, I had another half day's work left. So either a) I come back today, b) I come in tomorrow morning, or c) I leave it for next week.
My supervisor is generally very nice about things, but I always sense that change is in the wings, and I'm a little worried about whether this job will last, and I really need it. So I went in to talk to her about the project, and I said that the Something Wrong was still wrong, and I had to leave. She seemed to think that it was okay to leave until Tuesday, and the whole exchange was fairly nice, and then
I opened my mouth
and said something entirely stupid. Not on the level of, say, insulting parentage or something. Or insulting anything, really. But it was something I had thought about mentioning earlier and then realized that no, I shouldn't tell her because a) she wouldn't like it and I also realized that b) it was ENTIRELY a moot point and didn't matter to anything.
But I said it, and then I realized what I'd said, and it cast aspersions on all of my work (well, in my head), and GRAH. And I left and on the way home I called her and the IT guy and tried to deduce whether or not I should come in and she said it was fine if I didn't.
But god, she went to lunch with the other director right after and I am just kicking myself. They were looking at what amounts to hiring a replacement about six months ago, and I hope I didn't just put the final nail in.
GRAH.
And I just feel so tired and out of it and everyone I know is sick and I'm just waiting to catch it. grah.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:27 pm (UTC)(Since I'm late to the party/new to the flist, the best I can do here is *patpat* and hope things all work out for the best.)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:44 pm (UTC)(I totally feel your pain. I am not all that talkative, but I'm very good at opening my mouth at precisely the wrong time and saying precisely the wrong thing.)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:51 pm (UTC)See, we needed to cull out some additional data, and there's skewing involved, so I talked about leaving the skewed data in place, which is Unacceptable and--and so monumentally stupid to say aloud! Of course she doesn't want skewed data, and the IT guy was in the process of putting together the new culling mechanism, so it wall all be rerun and--MOOT POINT and it made me sound like a complete and utter idiot.
I had thought it earlier and then thought, "Oh god, what a dumb idea" and somehow later I thought of it while I was in her office and for a moment it sounded brilliant and I just said it and then GRAH.
I'm so glad you understand my pain, though I'm so sorry for you, too. It really sucks when this happens.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 10:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 09:52 pm (UTC)Hope things are well with you, sweetie!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 10:44 pm (UTC)I wish I could offer something more than *hugs*, but that's what I've got, and that's what I'll give.
:: BIG HUGS ::
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-30 11:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 12:13 am (UTC)I've had a relatively similar day today myself, up to and including wondering if my replacement was being sought. Although it was my boss opening her big mouth (to the new lady from Corporate) and not me, this time.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:03 am (UTC)And I'm sorry you had a lousy day, hon. Thank goodness it was your boss and not you! *hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 12:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 11:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 12:28 pm (UTC)I think we've all had similar mouth-brain-disconnect episodes, but I don't suppose it's very comforting or useful to hear that. Keeping my fingers crossed that it wasn't as bad as it first appeared. *hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:54 pm (UTC)Thanks for the hugs! *hugs back
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 01:00 pm (UTC)*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-31 04:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-01 06:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-01 07:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-02 01:53 pm (UTC)**HUGS**
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-02 04:26 pm (UTC)*hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-02 03:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-02 04:26 pm (UTC)