Sue profile #3

[valis2]

[Recap: Some of you might remember that at one of the HP conventions, gmonkey42 and I put together a Snape and his Mary Sues presentation. In order to put the presentation together, we had to read a bunch of HP fanfics featuring Sues who were paired with Snape. The other night, I was scribbling notes on scrap paper, and realized that the paper in question was from a printout of the spreadsheet that we built to house the data. And then I started laughing at the quote, and I thought that we really should share the profiles because they're just too much fun not to.]

• Name of Sue: Valerie Powers


• Eye color: dark blue; "such beautiful enticingly hard-staring blue ones, shaped like stones"; also capable of flashing "like laser-beams"


• Hair color: "wavy brown hair with streaks of strawberry blonde"


• Markings: "porcelain skin"


• Curves in all the right places: "robust figure sticking out over her robes" is that her tits or a muffin top? It also says "curvy" a bunch of times; "full plumaged cleavage"


• Outcast or beloved: outcast, but only because she stands up to the Carrows


• Tragic past: no


• House: Gryffindor, same year as Harry


• Martial arts/sports: "[the] best" Gryffindor Chaser


• Other: MASOCHISM; is apparently a good deal more flexible than I am. And I do yoga. [gmonkey42 did this profile, obviously. lol.]


• Moment of totally overblown temper?: back-talks Amycus Carrow


• Totally uncharacteristic Snape moments: falls for the Sue's obvious, ham-fisted flattery; decides out of nowhere to give random-ass student private DADA lessons, during which he ENGAGES IN S&M WITH HER WTF; says "there is nothing funny about oral sex," despite the fact that there so totally is


• Relationship with Snape: their relationship goes from "teacher and just-another-face-in-the-crowd student" to "freaky Dark Arts BDSM shit" for no reason


• Other: abuse of commas; A/N acknowledges that the caning scene was silly and THE AUTHOR INCLUDED IT ANYWAY; hilariously poorly written sex scenes; A/N at the end of chapter four includes "I’m sorry that this story is not of the highest quality"


• Sue House: Tootsitramp

Comments

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

This is good stuff. It's fun, but IDK, it might also make a good prompt for someone else! Will you be posting an entry on every single one? :D

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I'll be posting them all, I think. There are only twenty or thirty. ;)

I still laugh out loud about the author apologizing for the quality of the story. omg, that is awesome.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

name of valier is first clue to run
"wavy brown hair with streaks of strawberry blonde" -bad highlight job apparently.

Heee...are you sure some of these sues are not intentional parody? We did a sue challenge on GS100 and they all just went wild. =)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! Well, when gmonkey42 and I were poking around the Pit of Voles we tried to look for the earnest ones. As far as I know, none of them were parody sues. However, you never know...

Glad you're enjoying these!

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

"full plumaged cleavage"

Beautiful plumage, the Norwegian blue...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hahaha! Yes, exactly. What a bizarre way to put it. And it still makes me crack up like whoa.

[thedoingofit.livejournal.com]

is that her tits or a muffin top?
LOLOLOL. I'm hoping there's plenty more of these to come! :o)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yes--another twenty or so! hee! Some that are much, much worse than these, in fact.

[tjs-whatnot.livejournal.com]

I adore that she waits until chapter 4 to apologize for crap writing...either the reader has stopped reading by then or love crap writing!

Oh poor Snape! Why does he get all the winners?! Explains his crap mood though!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, that's really not helpful for the poor reader! That needs to be in bold before the title, even. lol!

And Snape is just lucky, I guess! haha!

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

says "there is nothing funny about oral sex," despite the fact that there so totally is

Totally LOLed at that. ;D

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! gmonkey42 is hilarious, isn't she?