I can't believe the guilt

[valis2]

So. Right now I am duplicating everything I can from the old blue dinosaur computer to my external hard drive, just in case there's something I've forgotten to switch over. I can't think of anything, but then again, I did forget my Semagic drafts, so I'm sure there are other things that I might not have remembered.

The new computer is fast, extremely quiet, and fantastic. I already love Windows 7. I love using this computer. I can't believe how much time it saves. I can't believe I finally have a machine who can match me for speed, as I am completely attention-impaired and I constantly jump from one thing to the other. Hence having ten programs running at once, usually. I am not exaggerating.

Behind me, my old computer is copying files.

It's the last thing it will do in its current state. It's the last thing before I wipe it clean, reinstall Windows, and give it to my sister.

Yesterday was the first day in seven years that I have been home and not turned it on.

The guilt is killing me. Seven years of an awareness, of sorts. Seven years of fantastic companionship, of helping me do what I'd like to do, of entertaining me and letting me reach out to other people with other computers. I love the blue beast so much. For so many years it has been by my side, loud fans whirring. It's one of the first things I do in the morning. It's one of the first things I do when I get home from work; I turn it on, let it slowly get up to speed. It's been there through thick and thin. I remember unpacking it in 2003 and being so in awe of its giant blue case. Little did I know what a boon companion I had ordered, and how long it would stay in my life, and how important it would become.

Soon it will not remember its own name.

I feel this so keenly, and I know it's ridiculous. But it has been such a much-beloved part of my life. Once I begin the wipe, it will only exist as a ghost of itself on my external hard drive. Some of it has been brought to this computer, true, but it will not exist in its current form ever again.

I am weird, I know. But I can't help but feel terribly guilty. Thank goodness it's going to a wonderful new home. My sister will take very good care of it, and it's still a pretty good computer, so it should be stable for at least a few more years.

Oh, how it will hurt, to press the key that starts the wipe.



I will miss you, computer.

Comments

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

::hugs you:: Dear, you aren't silly at all. I get attached to inanimate objects myself. Hell, i remember one time in first grade, losing a pencil and literally getting teary eyed about it because i couldn't find it! So join the club, we got your back.

And like you said, your sister will give it a really good home and love it too. Way better than going right off to the junk pile like most folks would have done, am I right? xoxoxo

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I always give everything around me feelings and thoughts; it's been like that since I was little. Glad to know I have company in that!

And yes, thank goodness my sister will treat it well. It will have a life of rest, because the most difficult thing she does is...open an Excel spreadsheet. So there is that.

:) *hugs*

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

I felt guilty about replacing the Cursed Car of Doom with my lovely new one. Part of me felt that the reason the CCoD was such a lemon was because I never loved it properly. (This because it replaced my Focus which I adored and which met an untimely end at the hands of my ex.) Because obviously I hurt the car's feelings, which was why it broke down all the time. Riiiight.

I also feel guilty about the fact that I barely use my PC any more because (a) the spec on the laptop is a billion times better and (b) it has Issues (TM) about staying connected to the internet for more than 2 minutes. But I STILL feel like I've abandoned it.

So no, you're not weird. No more so than me anyway - dunno how much of a consolation that is.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I just can't help but get emotional over how it's planning its own doom, y'know? *sighs*

I totally get it, though. I have the same issues, m'self, obviously.

The guilt, it is overwhelming. The thought of actually deleting this stuff is making me crazy. eep!

And thank you--it does make me feel better, definitely. *hugs*

[ook.livejournal.com]

Daisy...daisy...Give me your answer do.
I'm half crazy...all for the love of you.

[just-ann-now.livejournal.com]

Ha! That's exactly what I was thinking.

"Valis...Valis...What are you doing, Valis....?"

*pats poor Valis*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*pulls out data module* Oh, nothing, HAL, nothing. Nothing to see here...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

lol!!! I just hope it isn't plotting my destruction...

[todayiamadaisy]

*hugs* Poor computer. I get that way about inanimate objects too. Think of it as putting it out to a nice pasture after a hard-working life.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, that poor computer worked very hard for me and truly deserves its rest, doing nothing but the occasional spreadsheet. :) *hugs in return*

[sylvadin.livejournal.com]

You're not being 'silly'. Not at all! Welcome to the Animist and Anthropomorphic Guild! (Automatic membership to anyone who has named their car...)

Instead of feeling guilty about your old computer, stop and consider this: In the digital age, a 7 year old computer is ancient. Did you ever stop to think that 'Loyal Blue' may be secretly happy that you're sending it off, not to the junk pile, but to a working retirement. No more having to struggle to run all those apps, no more feeling guilty that it keeps you waiting while it boots or runs memory-hogging software or tries to do its best with slow rams and even slower clock speeds. No, Blue is going to get to kick back, relax, and just handle a few light duties like a little internet surfing, a few games, and a spreadsheet or two...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You're not being 'silly'. Not at all! Welcome to the Animist and Anthropomorphic Guild! (Automatic membership to anyone who has named their car...)

hee! Oh yeah, I definitely have a membership there. Yes.

Did you ever stop to think that 'Loyal Blue' may be secretly happy that you're sending it off, not to the junk pile, but to a working retirement.

I'm totally trying to console myself with that, seriously.

No more having to struggle to run all those apps, no more feeling guilty that it keeps you waiting while it boots or runs memory-hogging software or tries to do its best with slow rams and even slower clock speeds.

And you know what, it's still a good computer. It still can run several programs at once and edit 50 photos and play music and stuff. It's just that I need a little more now. I definitely got my use out of it!

And my sister will love it. It's noisy, but it's faster than what she has, and it has 120 gig hard drive, which isn't bad. She'll get some use out of it and it will definitely coast along, just as you say.

It's just so hard, putting in that disk that ends all of our time together.

lol. I'm so melodramatic.

[cordeliadelayne]

Aw! I know what you mean, I always get a bit sad when I'm upgrading a computer; it's only natural since we use them so much.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

:( Such a loyal companion! I still haven't quite gotten quite the nerve to do it.

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Oh man, it's like when Gerty suicided to save whatsisname in Moon!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I don't know the reference. :(

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Gerty is a space station robot carer thing in the movie Moon, voiced by Kevin Spacy. Gerty wipes his/her own memory in order to save Sam Rockwell's character. It's kind of sad and sweet. Actually, I won't explain it anymore, just in case you want to see the film sometime.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Aw, that is so sweet and sad, you're right. And I've really been thinking about seeing that movie.

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

It's hard letting go of something you've used for so long.

Shall we lower the flag to half-mast???

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, we should play Taps as I drive it over to my sister's. *sob*

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

I visit my "ancient" PowerBook every time I come down to Bev's house. It's still working just fine (except for a dead battery) We figure it's not worth getting a new battery as she doesn't take it anywhere...

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

Congrats on the new computer. I know how hard it is to get rid of an old one. I have an old lap top sitting here that hardly works that I need to trash.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm just glad I found such a good home. My sister will love it. And it's so much faster now that I've wiped it and started over again...

[jaelle-n-gilla.livejournal.com]

Awww! I'm sure it'll have another happy life with your sister, giving her joy and fun.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I very much hope so! Poor thing, it needs a nice break.

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

Awww. Retire in peace, Big Blue. ;)
Glad your sister is taking care of your companion. ;p

[valis2.livejournal.com]

She loves Big Blue! She keeps talking about him, and she still sounds happy. Thank goodness!!