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valis2Nearing the one-year mark for LJ, so I thought I'd rerun a few of my favorite entries and torture you all some more with them.
This one was originally posted in October 2004, so about half of the flist probably hasn't seen it. Hopefully the other half won't chase me around with sharpened sticks for forcing them to see it twice.
About pumpkinseed oil
Purchased some pumpkinseed oil...for cooking. Get your mind out of the gutter, you! Anyway, it came with a lovely little brochure that, once read, yielded a small amount of hilarity, so I will share it with you. I quote (with spelling errors intact):
"Faa Vivasole Pumpkin Seed Oil
Who are we?
We are an Austrian company dealing with oil-bearing seeds (pumpkin seeds with and without skin, poppy seed) and different kinds of oils (pumpkin seed oil, grape oil, olive oil) both in Austria and abroad.
What is 'Faa Vivasole Reinstes Kurbiskernol'?
'Faa Vivasloe reinstes Kurbiskernol' is a Styrian speciality. Our pumpkin seed oil contains a high portion of unsaturated faty acids as well as the vitamines A, D and E.
It's Pure!
'Reinstes Kurbiskernol' is called 'pure' because its quality is continuosly controlled by the public food laboratory.
Your Advantages!
'Reinstes Kurbiskernol' is a high-quality product with an enormous increase in sales in the food industry.
Act Now!
Our common plans for the future."
The pamphlet also goes on to mention that it is "effective" in dealing with "climatisation problems and changes of the connective tissue".
I'd just like to know how it is an advantage to me that this pumpkin seed oil somehow increases sales in the entire food industry by itself.
It is interesting that the world is comprised of only two parts: "Austria" and "Abroad". Makes voting easy.
Okay, I'd also like to know about "vitamines". They sound frightening. As does the "public food laboratory".
Just think: If I were continously controlled by this ominous public food laboratory, I could be labeled as "pure" too.
Much more chilling are the only hinted at "common plans for the future", and how I am urged to "Act Now!" This must be some elaborate code, hidden deep within the brainwaves of all sentient beings, triggered by the purchase of pumpkinseed oil. Mine is somehow defective, because I have no new primal desires forming yet. Or maybe I have to taste the oil, and then it will unleash the truly heinous Common Plans upon the world. Personally, I'd rather have Uncommon or even Rare Plans, or at least Uncirculated Plans. Common Plans usually involve some sort of pyramid scheme and watching Cosby Show reruns.
This one was originally posted in October 2004, so about half of the flist probably hasn't seen it. Hopefully the other half won't chase me around with sharpened sticks for forcing them to see it twice.
About pumpkinseed oil
Purchased some pumpkinseed oil...for cooking. Get your mind out of the gutter, you! Anyway, it came with a lovely little brochure that, once read, yielded a small amount of hilarity, so I will share it with you. I quote (with spelling errors intact):
"Faa Vivasole Pumpkin Seed Oil
Who are we?
We are an Austrian company dealing with oil-bearing seeds (pumpkin seeds with and without skin, poppy seed) and different kinds of oils (pumpkin seed oil, grape oil, olive oil) both in Austria and abroad.
What is 'Faa Vivasole Reinstes Kurbiskernol'?
'Faa Vivasloe reinstes Kurbiskernol' is a Styrian speciality. Our pumpkin seed oil contains a high portion of unsaturated faty acids as well as the vitamines A, D and E.
It's Pure!
'Reinstes Kurbiskernol' is called 'pure' because its quality is continuosly controlled by the public food laboratory.
Your Advantages!
'Reinstes Kurbiskernol' is a high-quality product with an enormous increase in sales in the food industry.
Act Now!
Our common plans for the future."
The pamphlet also goes on to mention that it is "effective" in dealing with "climatisation problems and changes of the connective tissue".
I'd just like to know how it is an advantage to me that this pumpkin seed oil somehow increases sales in the entire food industry by itself.
It is interesting that the world is comprised of only two parts: "Austria" and "Abroad". Makes voting easy.
Okay, I'd also like to know about "vitamines". They sound frightening. As does the "public food laboratory".
Just think: If I were continously controlled by this ominous public food laboratory, I could be labeled as "pure" too.
Much more chilling are the only hinted at "common plans for the future", and how I am urged to "Act Now!" This must be some elaborate code, hidden deep within the brainwaves of all sentient beings, triggered by the purchase of pumpkinseed oil. Mine is somehow defective, because I have no new primal desires forming yet. Or maybe I have to taste the oil, and then it will unleash the truly heinous Common Plans upon the world. Personally, I'd rather have Uncommon or even Rare Plans, or at least Uncirculated Plans. Common Plans usually involve some sort of pyramid scheme and watching Cosby Show reruns.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-30 09:39 am (UTC)Actually, most Austrians I know can speak way better English than that.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-30 04:35 pm (UTC)