Snape Dogma 05

[valis2]

While I was driving I had this thought about Snapefic.

Dogma 95 was a set of rules meant to revitalize artistic filmmaking. There were several rules, including using only natural light sources, no filters, no music unless it naturally occurred during filming, hand-held cameras, etc. (About Dogma 95 and Rules of Dogma 95)

I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun to have a set of rules like that for writing Snapefic? You know, post a set of "Vows" and promise to uphold them.

So of course my Snape-obsessed brain would not leave the idea alone and all weekend I kept thinking of vows.



In the interest of preserving a high quality level of Snape fanfiction, I propose this set of Vows for myself.

When writing Snape!fic, I promise:

• ...to keep his physical appearance as close to canon as possible. Greasy hair, thin fingers, yellow skin, yellow/crooked teeth, yeah, yeah, yeah.


• ...to garb him in black robes. Dare I even say billowing black robes? Oh, yes.


• ...to keep talents and weaknesses as verified in canon. Gifted at Occlumency? Check. Legilimens? Check. Talented at potions? Check. Bitter about the Marauders? Check. Suspicious? Check.


• ...to keep his dry wit and dark sarcasm.


• ...to explore the possibilities that canon leaves open for me.


• ...to keep his background plausible.


• ...to keep his control tightly wound, except in moments of true, unrelenting stress relating to his childhood.


• ...to make his relationships with other teachers believable.


• ...to remember how much he wanted that Order of Merlin in PoA.


• ...to incorporate canon truths as much as possible into my fanfiction writing.

When writing Snape!fic, I will not:

• ...make him wear a 'glamour' that disguises his True Beauty because otherwise he'd have to whack the students with sticks to get them away from him.


• ...make him smell like some inordinately sweet and intoxicating scent just so the Love Interest can catch a whiff and swoon.


• ...force him into Muggle clothes.


• ...make him into a vampire or dhampiel. Or even a quarter-vampire. Or an angel. Or a demon.


• ...suddenly give him a son/daughter that enrolls in Hogwarts. (Surprise, dad!)


• ...render him speechless because my OC said something to him that I thought was "witty".


• ...make him a virgin with Astonishing Sexual Powers.


• ...give him dialogue that sounds as if he's swallowed a thesaurus. He speaks well, certainly, but not that well. He uses contractions. Honest.


• ...give him strange Muggle hobbies like playing Brahms lullabies on a harpsichord.


• ...give him telepathic powers or a "life-bond" or a "love-bond" or a "soul-bond" with another.


• ...have a perky OFC 'win him over' with her excessive good cheer or her feisty spunky attitude.


• ...give him a ridiculously angsty background replete with physical abuse and torture.


• ...give him Snape Manor, complete with more trappings and more wealth than even Lucius Malfoy can imagine.


• ...give him a ridiculous family tree. Dumbledore will not be his grandfather. Voldemort will not be his grandfather. He will not be related to Harry Potter. He will not be a special magical Heir to anything.
  
• ...give him any special mysterious magical item that does not fit into the canon world. He will not possess some sort of amazing object that has been passed down through generations from Salazar himself.


• ...make him an expert in martial arts or weapons.


• ...make him fluffy, yearning, and sweet without a Personality-Changing Potion.


• ...have him perform a non-consensual sexual act with an OFC and then later that evening...or ever, actually...have them fall in love.


• ...bring an American OFC to Hogwarts for little reason other than to have her become Snape's One True Love.


• ...make him speak of his shortcomings and weaknesses without Veritaserum, or a prolonged relationship first.


• ...have any elves wandering about Hogwarts except for house-elves. There will be no Elf or Half-elf teacher mysteriously joining the staff.


• ...have an attractive Muggle Studies or DADA teacher who makes Snape's brain melt due to her overwhelming loveliness.


• ...write a storyline where he kills Voldemort.


• ...give him a mysterious power that isn't supported in canon. No fireballs from his fingertips. No telekinesis.


• ...be tempted to turn his private chambers into a Slytherin Love Boudoir complete with giant round rotating bed and disco ball.

Disclaimer: I'm certain that I can't be the first person to have thought of this; I just thought it would be fun.

Even More Important Disclaimer: And yes, I realize that meaningful, moving, and funny Snape!fics can be and have been written, absolutely, disregarding all of these Vows at once. These are just my Vows...disregard them as you wish!

Vows of your own? Comment and share.

Comments

Darn! I broke the rules!

[aerynstales.livejournal.com]

Um...okay...for your don'ts...gulp. Sorry, I can't agree with all of them. Heh. Honestly, I am of the opinion that anything is possible if you explain it, build it up, and lead in correctly. No, some American chickie is not going to make his mouth drop open or be his true love on first sight. Cuz frankly...never going to really happen with anyone. However, I can say right off that 4-5 of the ones you have mentioned...we've done or will be doing. Sorry...and yes, written in a list such as that, sound super cheesy. However, if given the right conditions and circumstances...why not?

Example. Your Number One...the glamour. Yes, Snape is no beauty queen, and will never be. However, in lfire1 and I's fic, he does use a glamour. Why? Because he is a death eater (and a spy for Dumbledore) but still, a death eater...and can't exactly be seen dating or cavorting with a Muggle...now can he? So, he decides to create a new look (very unrecognizable...he's even blond!) and voice just so he can take his lady love out. He doesn't want to see her cooped up all the time, and he takes pride that he's got a good looking (if sometimes un-understandable and annoying...and hot headed) woman. Yes, this starts after they get together, yes, she's aware, and yes...she hates it and prefers his normal appearance. Um...the Muggle clothes fit here too...it's all disguise.

We also keep the movie outfit...sorry...love the buttons too much! And, we have him smell like sage...why? It's a potions ingrediant, and figure it's rather ingraned. Of course, that's not to say he doesn't stink some days too...after all, Neville is in his class. :)

Um...yeah...our Muggle Muggle Studies teacher...she makes his brain melt...but seriously, only after making him clinically depressed first! Love can be a right bitch. Especially when one party is a committmentphobe (her...not him!)...but she's rather attractive and round in all the right places. Heh...

Um...he's fluffy and sweet to her...and her only. And no...he doesn't express it in front of others (um...I don't think he does...). Well, okay...in the disguise he does. But to be fair, he has to behave very un-Snape like so no one suspects (did I mention our gal hates this...she likes the snide, sarcastic, un-overly emotional Snape.).

Like I said, there's a big one that has only begun to happen in our fic (and our readers will be able to point it out), so I'm not going to go into explanations yet. However, all will be revealed on the why and how on it.

So in short (cuz this was long), I think you can do what you like with the character (no m-preg though...that's just dumb...yes...I said dumb) within reason, and with a heafty dose of explanation. I think our Snape is still Snape and believable. He went throught around 60 chapters (Life for Rent and Fallen combined) to get where he is now, and his decisions are based off of that. And I don't think he could be considered less Snape than too many others (did I mention no m-preg?).

And to conclude, cuz I know you mentioned to me, Valis, that you worried that people may feel offended (and I'm so not!), yes...these are your vows. I have my own as well. I think Snape can be written in a variety of ways and pairings (many out there I do not agree with...but hey, more power to you if you can pull it off!)...no one is ever going to agree with another's interpretation 100%...but hey, where would the fun be in that!

That's all...everyone go back to your regularly scheduled programmes...

~Aeryn

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

I'm a Lupin fangirl myself, so I can just vow that I will a) respect his relationship with Sirius as a FRIENDship and b) never write him as pregnant.

I hate MPREG anyway. Where is the baby going to grow? Where is the baby going to come OUT? Might I ask.

[mysduende.livejournal.com]

Here, Here! To everything said. Though I must say, I will miss the frock coat. *shrugs sheepishly*

[installmentplan.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU. That is all.

You are now invited to join the SEKRIT CANON!SNAPE COUNCIL OF DOOOOOOOOOOM. Meetings are in a hidden fortress near the North Pole and we alternate who brings the cookies. ;D.

[kleio-the-muse.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear! Except I've already broken too many of them to join you on your vows *g* Do agree with most of them, though:)

[eloisasnape.livejournal.com]

give him dialogue that sounds as if he's swallowed a thesaurus

Bwhaha! Sorry that just had me in stitches for some reason.

Yip, I've done a few on the don't list as well *hangs head in shame*

And yes, I realize that meaningful, moving, and funny Snape!fics can be and have been written, absolutely, disregarding all of these Vows at once.

In my recent plagiarized humour fic, i like to think that i somehow kept Snape as near to canon as possible. Maybe I'm just delusional, I'd be interested to see what other people think. Would it be possible to post it at quirkyhpshorts specifically for opinions on that point? Its just over 3000 words and I know you like them to be kept under 2000.

[pen-and-umbra.livejournal.com]

valis2 has the say on quirkyhpshorts but as a FYI, if the story's of slashy nature, there's also hphumor.

[/off-topic-ness]

[pen-and-umbra.livejournal.com]

No fireballs from his fingertips.

Because we all know his balls of fire are located elsewhere. *rimshot*

I'm tempted to write a story where Snape's bedchamber Slytherin Love Boudoir has not only a rotating water bed and a disco ball, but also mirrors in the ceiling and a hidden speaker system playing Barry White on constant loop. Oh! And mustn't forget the bottle of Dom that's always on ice.

My vows? You covered so many of the essentials that I can't think of many to add.

I will not...
* ... make him wear frock coats.
* ... make him quote Byron, Eliot, or Nietzsche.
* ... make him wear leather trousers. This includes dragonhide and the skins of other mysterious magical creatures. (Though Kneazle-fur bermuda shorts would be kinda rad.)
* ... turn him into a fluffy lover, no matter how many heavenly cymbal players his Night o' Love with Harry/Lupin/Dobby inspires.
* ... ignore his obvious hang-ups and his tendency to abuse CAPS LOCK on (very rare) occasion.
* ... forget that he is a Slytherin in speech, ethics, and manner alike.

Great post. Had the gigglies. ;)

[eloisasnape.livejournal.com]

No its not slash. Sadly it has no sex at all, just breasts (not Snape's).

Thanks for the info.

[snapesforte.livejournal.com]

Pardon me while I fan girl you for life. :) This is brilliant, and I am pleased to say that I have done all the 'do's'. Very pleased.

I really must read your super-long Snapefic now. Where is it?

[privatemaladict.livejournal.com]

...make him wear a 'glamour' that disguises his True Beauty because otherwise he'd have to whack the students with sticks to get them away from him.

... you know, I could write a parody based on that.

...give him strange Muggle hobbies like playing Brahms lullabies on a harpsichord.

Aww, really? How about Bach on a church organ? (Now there's a bad joke waiting to happen...)

[straussmonster.livejournal.com]

... forget that he is a Slytherin in speech, ethics, and manner alike.

'Course, then you raise the interesting problem that what seems to be oh-so-reasonable ideas for general Slytherin behavior to some comes off as ridiculously pretentious pseudo-aristocratic seekrit pureblood Traditions to others who note that if the Slytherins actually had all that going on, they'd never have time for things like going to class.

Remember, kids. Friends don't let friends write aristo-Slytherin fic.

I admit to guilt

[bell-witch.livejournal.com]

And I refuse to be sorry about it.

I've done a couple of the 'Don'ts' and I freely admit it. Whether or not I did it well is up to others to judge.

I also can't be sure that I kept Snape's relationship with another teacher (namely Lupin) believable. Why? Because, in my opinion, any story that has Snape romantically paired with anyone at all goes into the realm of AU. If canon Snape has sex, we're never going to hear about it, and I really don't want to know.

I also think my Snape will generally wear something under his robes, at least in the wintertime. I can't picture Hogwarts robes as being like the heavy stuff they wear in the Middle East, which would be perfectly comfortable with nothing underneath. That's my visualisation process, though. I need to be able to 'see' or 'hear' it for it to work for me.

Humour can be anything, especially deliberate Badfic, which I love.

If I ever have Snape wear muggle clothes, I better have a good reason.

I also hesitate on Snape's vocabulary. I think he uses big words around people, students, in order to belittle them. I use a lot of strange words in my regular speech, so I don't feel qualified to judge Snape's vocab, really. And contractions...(insert Lina Lamont voice here) "Don't everybody?"

Good cheer winning Snape over...I don't that would ever happen in anything I'd ever write. I feel a Badfic coming on...Running away.

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

Word. Slytherin = Versailles gets very old very fast.

[pen-and-umbra.livejournal.com]

On a broader note, WTF is with all the oohhing about aristocracy? I don't get it. Given European history and the current state of aristocratic institutions (here, that means societies comparable to knitting circles or sports clubs), I can't grasp why a pedigree would make someone automatically better and more refined a person. Heck, the closest thing I know to an aristocrat is a guy whose family history goes back to the time of the Tudors, yet he's a nurse who likes rubgy and beer.

Aristo!Slytherin. Yecch.

Re: Darn! I broke the rules!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I knew you would be awesome about this! :) Yeah, it's exactly as you say...everyone's rules are different! We all have our own set based on our own interpretation. Like yours includes "no MPREG". Canon can be somewhat flexible, and we all have to adapt it as best we can!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm beginning to become a Lupin fangirl too...cover your ears, Severus!...

MPREG isn't my cup of tea, either. I forgot to include it, and I almost never read them, though, honestly, anything can work if you really put your brain to it, I think. Though some things have a much higher wall to scale (Mpreg, bringing Sirius back, etc.).

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, and I already broke that rule for the TPMM story about unbuttoning Snape...hee.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*begins baking white chocolate chunk & macadamia cookies*

Do I have to bring a sacrificial victim to first Council I attend?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've broken a few too...just thought it would a fun exercise. ;)

Your icon! They make such cute love bunnies...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Would it be possible to post it at quirkyhpshorts specifically for opinions on that point? Its just over 3000 words and I know you like them to be kept under 2000.

Go for it! I'm sure that people would like to see it.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I will not...make him quote Byron, Eliot, or Nietzsche.

Argh! I knew I forgot a really important one. I'm with you here!

Glad you enjoyed it! And your vows are terrific! Heh...Kneazle shorts...*giggle*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You want to read it? Wow! *crosses fingers that you like it*

I'm warning you...it is SS/OFC...

It's archived in three places.

At SycophHex here is my author profile (http://occlumency.sycophanthex.com/viewuser.php?uid=179) but I think you still have to log in to read it. Easiest way to find it is to look up valis2 at Occlumency. (There aren't a lot of v's.)

At FictionAlley my author profile is here (http://www.thedarkarts.org/authorLinks/Valis2/).

At fictionnet my author profile is here (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1764373/1/).

[valis2.livejournal.com]

... you know, I could write a parody based on that.

I've seen it used as a device, and I must say, I prefer my Snape canonically based and unattractive.

Re: I admit to guilt

[valis2.livejournal.com]

And I refuse to be sorry about it. I've done a couple of the 'Don'ts' and I freely admit it. Whether or not I did it well is up to others to judge.

:) These were my rules, so don't worry about it! You have your own rules, obviously. As you've mentioned, you wouldn't want Good cheer winning Snape over, so there you go!

Yes, and humor!fics are exempt from the rules...though they should know 'em, at least!