TV Guide advertisement
Sep. 16th, 2005 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2I have a subscription to TV Guide.
I love TV Guide.
The ads make me laugh like an idjit.
I just received next week's issue, and it features:
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A Collectibles Market First
For the first time...Thomas Kinkade's beloved Victorian homes, cottages and a warmly lit church come to life in an illuminated "village" wreath, available exclusively from Hamilton!
The "Thomas Kinkade Christmas Village Wreath" features 7 lighted buildings and more than 20 villagers sheltered within its fully sculptured greenery. Every building illuminates with a flick of the switch and so do the artist's 11 signature lanterns, which bring even more light to this collectible masterpiece. Plus sparkling "snow" and a beautiful velvet bow add the perfect finishing touches!
Urgent Note! This edition is limited to only 95 casting days and give the time-intensive handcrafting, demand could rapidly exceed availability. [blah blah blah-leted] Your prompt response is critical. Send no money now. Return your Reservation Application today!
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The villagers sheltering within the greenery frighten me. Am I required to provide them with wages? Do I have to set up a Health and Human Services office somewhere in the greenery, with tiny government workers dispensing unemployment checks? What if they get tangled in the bow and require disability as well? And I'll have to make certain that I leave it lit all the time or I'll end up with a tiny lawsuit when somebody slips on the "snow" in the dark. Though I do wonder how any of them manage to sleep, when their village is so saturated with light.
And I love how "urgent" and "critical" it is that people respond "promptly". Because otherwise you might just spend the rest of your life crying into a bowl of cereal because you missed out on such an incredible offer.
I would really be the worst candidate for this item. My villagers would work night and day, forced to make craft items, and shake their tiny fists in the air whenever my back was turned. I'd have to keep tearing down their handmade Solidarity! banners. Or crush the lamps, one at a time, until they were forced to admit defeat. My tiny hamlet would live in abject fear of the Big Light-Stealing Meany. The braver ones would fling their awls at me. I'd erect tiny statues of myself everywhere with mandatory "gazing sessions". I'd make them build altars to glorify my...er, I'd better stop now.
I love TV Guide.
The ads make me laugh like an idjit.
I just received next week's issue, and it features:
---
A Collectibles Market First
For the first time...Thomas Kinkade's beloved Victorian homes, cottages and a warmly lit church come to life in an illuminated "village" wreath, available exclusively from Hamilton!
The "Thomas Kinkade Christmas Village Wreath" features 7 lighted buildings and more than 20 villagers sheltered within its fully sculptured greenery. Every building illuminates with a flick of the switch and so do the artist's 11 signature lanterns, which bring even more light to this collectible masterpiece. Plus sparkling "snow" and a beautiful velvet bow add the perfect finishing touches!
Urgent Note! This edition is limited to only 95 casting days and give the time-intensive handcrafting, demand could rapidly exceed availability. [blah blah blah-leted] Your prompt response is critical. Send no money now. Return your Reservation Application today!
---
The villagers sheltering within the greenery frighten me. Am I required to provide them with wages? Do I have to set up a Health and Human Services office somewhere in the greenery, with tiny government workers dispensing unemployment checks? What if they get tangled in the bow and require disability as well? And I'll have to make certain that I leave it lit all the time or I'll end up with a tiny lawsuit when somebody slips on the "snow" in the dark. Though I do wonder how any of them manage to sleep, when their village is so saturated with light.
And I love how "urgent" and "critical" it is that people respond "promptly". Because otherwise you might just spend the rest of your life crying into a bowl of cereal because you missed out on such an incredible offer.
I would really be the worst candidate for this item. My villagers would work night and day, forced to make craft items, and shake their tiny fists in the air whenever my back was turned. I'd have to keep tearing down their handmade Solidarity! banners. Or crush the lamps, one at a time, until they were forced to admit defeat. My tiny hamlet would live in abject fear of the Big Light-Stealing Meany. The braver ones would fling their awls at me. I'd erect tiny statues of myself everywhere with mandatory "gazing sessions". I'd make them build altars to glorify my...er, I'd better stop now.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 06:46 pm (UTC)Aren't you afraid of the villagers starting a revolution? They will march out of their wreath armed with tiny axes and garden tools!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 06:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 07:01 pm (UTC)Your last paraghraph had me giggling hysterically for several minutes! *hugs* I just love people who think this way about ads and commercials. :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 07:04 pm (UTC)Especially commercials that feature anthropomorphic food/animals. I hate them the most. Down with talking cookies!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 07:19 pm (UTC)*giggles*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 07:20 pm (UTC)Nah, since they're Thomas Kinkaid villagers they are all white and at least solidly middle-class, and utterly complacent. But they will gladly help you kick out any illegal-immigrant gardeners and housekeepers that get too demanding.
My tiny hamlet would live in abject fear of the Big Light-Stealing Meany. The braver ones would fling their awls at me. I'd erect tiny statues of myself everywhere with mandatory "gazing sessions". I'd make them build altars to glorify my...er, I'd better stop now.
rly complacent.
I will now spend the rest of the day thinking about the "Sea People" episode of South Park...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 07:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 07:30 pm (UTC)Actually, as funny as your sporking (I'm not sure if that's the right word) of the ad was, it was this comment that had me giggling the hardest.
I agree! Down with anthropomorphising food! When I was a kid, I felt terribly bad for animal cookies and chocolate bunnies, and tried to "do them in" with the most humane first bite I could manage. *Snip* - off with their heads. I couldn't stand the idea of them suffering because I ate the leg first.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 08:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 08:50 pm (UTC)I remember when that California Raisins commercial first appeared. I was horrified. I thought, but no one's going to want to eat them now. I was so very, very wrong.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 08:52 pm (UTC)rofl!! I forgot about that episode...that was hysterical. *laughs* I always wanted those Sea Monkeys until my dad pointed out that they were brine shrimp, and that we already had those in the fish tank once in a while. I was so disappointed.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 08:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 09:02 pm (UTC)/rambling
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 09:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 10:12 pm (UTC)So why are the villagers sheltering in the greenery? Aren't they allowed in the buildings? And it's cold out--there is snow on the greenery. Cruel, very callous...
O, Thomas Kinkade, thou purveyor of schlock, thank you for many moments of unintentional merriment! Oft have I spat out my coffee at the sight of your wondrous works!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 10:26 pm (UTC)I was having lunch with some of the "ladies" from work and one was ooohing and ahhhing about this! She'd seen it in Parade magazine on Sunday. Then everyone joined in ooohing and ahhing saying things like "that must be looooovely!" and "I lurrrve his stuff!"
I just managed to choke out, "He's not one of my favorites..." while gagging on hysterical laughter. I never thought anyone actually bought this stuff!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 11:00 pm (UTC)There was a court case here a few years ago, where it came out that in the "only 95 casting days", they could actually make tens of thousands of the things. So much for being limited editions!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 11:27 pm (UTC)And they're happy! They have no choice.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 11:28 pm (UTC)I remember a friend telling me that at one point in Gatlinburg TN there were three stores in the downtown section, selling nothing but his work. Can you imagine? Ugh!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 11:30 pm (UTC)The very worst ad was the Golden Age of TV Babies series. First was Lucille Ball, rendered in porcelain as an infant with a surprised look. That was the absolute worst. I wish I had saved that card, but it was from before I had a LJ.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 03:47 am (UTC)*insert that scary soundtrack noise from Psycho*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 09:03 am (UTC)*dies laughing* Yes, this is the very worst. Can you imagine them doing this with other golden age TV stars? Hard-smoking, hard-drinking, sexist, nasty-in-real-life guys? hahaha!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 09:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 11:53 am (UTC)How do they get from house to house, anyway? Abseiling? Jetpacks? A vertical village seems... impractical.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 07:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 08:04 pm (UTC)You can count on me!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-18 12:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-18 12:13 am (UTC)And that painting really missed a chance to take out one of the Nonbelievers. I bet it's still cursing.