TV Guide advertisement
Sep. 16th, 2005 02:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2I have a subscription to TV Guide.
I love TV Guide.
The ads make me laugh like an idjit.
I just received next week's issue, and it features:
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A Collectibles Market First
For the first time...Thomas Kinkade's beloved Victorian homes, cottages and a warmly lit church come to life in an illuminated "village" wreath, available exclusively from Hamilton!
The "Thomas Kinkade Christmas Village Wreath" features 7 lighted buildings and more than 20 villagers sheltered within its fully sculptured greenery. Every building illuminates with a flick of the switch and so do the artist's 11 signature lanterns, which bring even more light to this collectible masterpiece. Plus sparkling "snow" and a beautiful velvet bow add the perfect finishing touches!
Urgent Note! This edition is limited to only 95 casting days and give the time-intensive handcrafting, demand could rapidly exceed availability. [blah blah blah-leted] Your prompt response is critical. Send no money now. Return your Reservation Application today!
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The villagers sheltering within the greenery frighten me. Am I required to provide them with wages? Do I have to set up a Health and Human Services office somewhere in the greenery, with tiny government workers dispensing unemployment checks? What if they get tangled in the bow and require disability as well? And I'll have to make certain that I leave it lit all the time or I'll end up with a tiny lawsuit when somebody slips on the "snow" in the dark. Though I do wonder how any of them manage to sleep, when their village is so saturated with light.
And I love how "urgent" and "critical" it is that people respond "promptly". Because otherwise you might just spend the rest of your life crying into a bowl of cereal because you missed out on such an incredible offer.
I would really be the worst candidate for this item. My villagers would work night and day, forced to make craft items, and shake their tiny fists in the air whenever my back was turned. I'd have to keep tearing down their handmade Solidarity! banners. Or crush the lamps, one at a time, until they were forced to admit defeat. My tiny hamlet would live in abject fear of the Big Light-Stealing Meany. The braver ones would fling their awls at me. I'd erect tiny statues of myself everywhere with mandatory "gazing sessions". I'd make them build altars to glorify my...er, I'd better stop now.
I love TV Guide.
The ads make me laugh like an idjit.
I just received next week's issue, and it features:
---
A Collectibles Market First
For the first time...Thomas Kinkade's beloved Victorian homes, cottages and a warmly lit church come to life in an illuminated "village" wreath, available exclusively from Hamilton!
The "Thomas Kinkade Christmas Village Wreath" features 7 lighted buildings and more than 20 villagers sheltered within its fully sculptured greenery. Every building illuminates with a flick of the switch and so do the artist's 11 signature lanterns, which bring even more light to this collectible masterpiece. Plus sparkling "snow" and a beautiful velvet bow add the perfect finishing touches!
Urgent Note! This edition is limited to only 95 casting days and give the time-intensive handcrafting, demand could rapidly exceed availability. [blah blah blah-leted] Your prompt response is critical. Send no money now. Return your Reservation Application today!
---
The villagers sheltering within the greenery frighten me. Am I required to provide them with wages? Do I have to set up a Health and Human Services office somewhere in the greenery, with tiny government workers dispensing unemployment checks? What if they get tangled in the bow and require disability as well? And I'll have to make certain that I leave it lit all the time or I'll end up with a tiny lawsuit when somebody slips on the "snow" in the dark. Though I do wonder how any of them manage to sleep, when their village is so saturated with light.
And I love how "urgent" and "critical" it is that people respond "promptly". Because otherwise you might just spend the rest of your life crying into a bowl of cereal because you missed out on such an incredible offer.
I would really be the worst candidate for this item. My villagers would work night and day, forced to make craft items, and shake their tiny fists in the air whenever my back was turned. I'd have to keep tearing down their handmade Solidarity! banners. Or crush the lamps, one at a time, until they were forced to admit defeat. My tiny hamlet would live in abject fear of the Big Light-Stealing Meany. The braver ones would fling their awls at me. I'd erect tiny statues of myself everywhere with mandatory "gazing sessions". I'd make them build altars to glorify my...er, I'd better stop now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 11:28 pm (UTC)I remember a friend telling me that at one point in Gatlinburg TN there were three stores in the downtown section, selling nothing but his work. Can you imagine? Ugh!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 09:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-17 07:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-18 12:13 am (UTC)And that painting really missed a chance to take out one of the Nonbelievers. I bet it's still cursing.