The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Death Eaters

[valis2]

1. Pay attention. You never know when someone might admit that they aren't really a pure-blood, that they think the masks are quite gauche, or that in the privacy of their manor they like to roll around naked in piles of Toothflossing Stringmints.


2. Be proactive. Death Eater meeting coming up? Make certain your robe is pressed, your mask is polished, and your flask is topped off with Ogden's Old well before the Revels begin. Dungeon full of Dark Magic naughtiness? A few extra steps, and any Auror investigating your home will find themselves in St. Mungo's with a head full of chicken feathers.
   
   Just don't get too proactive. The Dark Lord might not be appreciative if you kill Harry Potter and then wander into Headquarters saying, "Well, that was easy."


3. Strategize. Obtaining a case of Ashwinder eggs might be beneficial to you in the short term, but think how much more you'll gain if you share your spoils. Snape might finally give you that Libido Booster potion you've always wanted.


4. Prioritize. Muggle-baiting, herding giants, researching new hexes...a Death Eater's work is never done! But if you take the time to carefully list your goals, you'll figure out which ones need to be done first. Prioritizing will enable you to pick the best target when presented with a group of Order members. The werewolf? The Minister's secretary? You'll know, and be able to act. You don't want to be known as the flaky, indecisive Death Eater, do you?


5. Be an effective team member. Learn how to cooperate with your fellow Death Eaters and turn their strengths to your advantage. After all, one Death Eater can't limbo all by herself. Know the individuals on your team, and keep a mental tally of their likes and dislikes. Bellatrix will assist you in any Muggle-stomping, but should you try to enlist her in your new pyramid scheme, she'll probably turn you into a slug. Need something heavy lifted? Lucius won't give you the time of day, but might let you borrow Goyle.


6. Enrich your mind. Really effective Death Eaters are always working hard on their next objective. Researching Dark Magic, gathering information about new targets, practising new methods of avoiding Bellatrix when she's inebriated...you'll find that the path to learning is also the path to renewal. Spending even a little time reading about obscure defensive spells can pay off in the future when the Dark Lord realizes that you've been spiking the Death Eater punchbowl with Libido Booster.


7. Keep your eye on the goal. If you approach each decision with your mind focused on your mission, you'll be able to see clearly the paths you need to take. Create your future one step at a time. In no time at all, Voldemort will be serving you.

ETA: ICONS! Here! Thank you, digopheliadug!

ETA2: More icons! Here! Thank you, panders14!

Comments

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

::adds list to pda:: Excellent! With this advice i should move up from jr. executive death eater to chairman of the board. Bwahahaha!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! Go for it! But watch out for the glass ceiling. *giggles*

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

I guess i will have to practice my transfiguration! *g*

[mysduende.livejournal.com]

LOL. Me likes. :)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You're climbing the ladder quickly, I bet!

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

LOL! *applauds*

Alas, far too many fangirls have spiked the DE punch with Libido Booster.

[cordelia_v]

The Dark Lord might not be appreciative if you kill Harry Potter and then wander into Headquarters saying, "Well, that was easy."

It's a good thing that I'd swallowed my mouthful of soda, before I read that.

This is dead funny. Did you cross-post this to tickle_me_harry?

[agatha-s.livejournal.com]

The Dark Lord might not be appreciative if you kill Harry Potter and then wander into Headquarters saying, "Well, that was easy."

Oops... :(

Thank you for your advice! I'm adding it to my memories!

[aramintasnape.livejournal.com]

*dies*

*Ahem* I mean, yes, am taking note for next Dark Revel ;))

[valis2.livejournal.com]

That booster comes in handy, doesn't it...*giggles*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Nope, haven't heard of that comm! Will investigate, thank you! :)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Ooh, it's in your memories! w00t! ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

haha! Yes, be prepared---and avoid the punchbowl!

[conuly]

Can I metaquote you?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, sure! I'd be honored. ;)

[conuly]

http://www.livejournal.com/community/metaquotes/4093959.html

[digopheliadug.livejournal.com]

I'm here by way of metaquotes, and I was wondering if you'd mind if I made "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Death Eaters" quote icons. I would, of course, link back to you. They're so funny! They must be iconed!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, please! I'd be honored! Thanks so much!

[digopheliadug.livejournal.com]

Yay! I'll comment again with a link when I post them.

[shighola.livejournal.com]

You don't want to be known as the flaky, indecisive Death Eater, do you?
Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those were wonderful!
Just perfect.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed them! Ha, love your icon!

[digopheliadug.livejournal.com]

Here they are: http://www.livejournal.com/community/dig_my_icons/8105.html

[http://users.livejournal.com/_xanthia/]

'Nother metaquoteser. V. amusing. No, this list, or something like it, has already passed through my brain. Only I never had the clever words to make it cool and funny so people would like it. A well, at least it can go in my memories. :D

[larilee.livejournal.com]

I worked for that company before. I know I did. Wonderful job!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*thumbs-up, giggling*