Nearly recovered...thank goodness.

[valis2]

Finally went outside for the first time in...a week? week and a half? just a minute ago to brush the car off. It looks so abandoned. Actually, I'm surprised it started at all.

Still not feeling 100%, but I really can't miss any more work, honestly. Now if I can just figure out how to fit in all of my christmas shopping...

And I forgot to mention this fanfiction called The Assassin and the Spy. It contains many memorable lines, including:

• Summary: Hermione is the world's best female assassin and her partner is a guy named Seth, but his assassin name is Crow and Hermione's is Raven. Hermione goes back the Hogworts different she has been a muggle assassin since the summer before her 6th year. She is tired of hidding who she is from her parents and the people at Hogworts. She is not going to tell them that she is an assassin but she is going to be more like the ass kicking girl she truely is.


• “Do you know why I’m here?” silence, “of course you do, I’m here because you have been selling big guns to very bad people.” She whispered into the room.


• “Mr. Lusson, the main hits are mine, you are mine. Do not mistake me for some trophy that Crow just brings along because I look pretty. Tonight you will die by my hand, and I will take great pleasure in knowing that I’m going to be the last person you ever hear, see,” she ran a finger down his neck, “feel.” She drew a small dagger from her hair which was now turned loose by the lose of it.


• “It’s done.” she said to him. Her black hair up in the bun black tribal tattoo on her face, leather black corset and pants with stiletto black lace up boots. You could see her two tribal tats on her shoulder blades and could just see a faint hint of the one on her lower left hip. “Number 417, did you get his wife and daughter okay?”


• She knew that in the morning she would have to go back to her fake life, pretend that she wasn’t a killer. That by night she didn’t kill bad people, tomorrow she would go back to being the bookworm, go back to covering up her tattoos so her parents didn’t see them. Go back to being a witch, which she didn’t mind at all, she only minded the fact that she was the world’s best female assassin during the night; and plain old Hermione Granger during the day.

I have to say that, were I at this moment currently fourteen years old, I very easily could have been the author of this. I'm not exaggerating. *laughs*

Oh, and one of her tattoos is actually a stick-on. She washes it off later. Same with her friend Seth/Crow. That made me giggle, thinking of hardened killers in a bathroom washing off tattoos.

Comments

[pandora-nervosa.livejournal.com]

I have to say that, were I at this moment currently fourteen years old, I very easily could have been the author of this.

Just by reading what you have here, I'd have to say "Me, too." I always had grand dreams of being some sort of assassin when I was in my early teens. I was a Mafia Princess (and I'm so not Italian) or a rogue agent. I wrote many a story in my head about that sort of thing. It was reading all of those Jackie Collins books about Lucky Santangelo. I know it. ~g~ Such refined taste I had at 13.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

And another thing in common! How funny!

I always loved the assassin thing, too. My friend blumsmile...she was always a ninja. *laughs*

I swear, it is almost eerie how this Sue channels my early Suedom.

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

Never mind being fourteen. There's similar Hermione Sue stories by forty year olds...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Those are the ones that really scare me. It's all well and good to write something like that at fourteen. At forty...*shivers* And they can be just as immature about constructive criticism as the fourteen year olds. ;)

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

So is this going to be sent to Rowlings and become canon???

[valis2.livejournal.com]

If it was sent to JKR I think she would have a heart attack. Or a fit of laughter.

[todayiamadaisy]

If it was set in space, it could have been mine too. I had a big thing about crash landing on strange planets and people being thrown out of the space ship unconscious (without oxygen, I might add, but they usually survived). I used to practice posing as if I'd been thrown from a crashed space ship so I could describe the position properly.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

When I received this comment e-mail at work I laughed like an idjit.

Okay, I didn't laugh, I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I was checking my email at work. So I kind of snorted a lot for about a minute. I'm still snorting. That is awesome. Do you have any surviving stories that you wrote about said crash landings?

[todayiamadaisy]

Sorry... it's terrible when you're trying not to laugh and have to snort instead. It just makes you want to laugh more, doesn't it?

Sadly, no crash landing stories survive. What happens with me is that every now and then I have a hissy-fit and decide that everything I've written is appalling and must be destroyed and that's exactly what I do - stories, diaries, everything. It makes me feel better at the time, but quite sad now when I think of the, er, gems that I've thrown out over the years. I'm quite envious of your floating cat stories - at least you've still got them! All I've got are memories and a booklet made in Grade Two and given to my mother (which is why it escaped all of my purges) in which I write about wanting to be a horse.

It's probably a good thing I'll never be a published writer - imagine trying to get rid of every single copy of a book when I decide I hate it!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It's probably a good thing I'll never be a published writer - imagine trying to get rid of every single copy of a book when I decide I hate it!

I can just imagine you running into Barnes & Noble just as someone picks up a copy of your book. "NOoOooooooooooo!!" and you grab it right out of their hand. "You MUST NOT READ THE BOOK!"

And I wanted to be a firetruck, myself.

[aerynstales.livejournal.com]

Hogworts

You know...there is a cream for that...

*snicker*

Oh man...perhaps if I was 14 I would write this...but someone has watched Kill Bill or other ninja movies a few too many times. *shakes head* But this would make a nifty action figure! :D

[valis2.livejournal.com]

But this would make a nifty action figure! :D

ROFL! Yes, absolutely! She could have a lever in back so that she could switch from "Best Assassin in the World" to "Bookworm" in a flash. If you soak her in water her tattoos fade.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

I was more of an indian princess, horse-riding and fighting and such. Horse-whispering also. Or leading an expedition, taming wild animals and sometimes living by myself in the wilderness.

hardened killers in a bathroom washing off tattoos That's just *the* image to make me laugh! I love it - so very hardcore. ;-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I was more of an indian princess, horse-riding and fighting and such.

So no cats...with heart shaped balloons...and swords?

I'm still dying over the removable tattoos.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

So no cats...with heart shaped balloons...and swords?

Gods, no! I never was the type for pink - and heart shaped balloons are definitely pink!

The cats, well *coughs*; at the age of 5 or 6 I wanted to work at the circus with black panthers and lions. In case you ask: No black leather or leopard skin look intended. ;-)

The swords are interesting, though. They could be used to pinch the balloons. *evil grin* And I now have a wooden sword for aikido practice.

The removable tattoos are priceless!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

and heart shaped balloons are definitely pink!

Oh no...there are some that aren't! (http://www.livejournal.com/users/valis2/60342.html)

The swords are interesting, though. They could be used to pinch the balloons.

Ah! But then the cats (http://www.livejournal.com/users/valis2/146676.html) would plummet to their deaths!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

I can see now your point about the heart shaped balloons. Good to know that not all of them are pink. *sighs with relief*

Ah! But then the cats would plummet to their deaths!

Nonono! They are *cats*! As well as warriors. They would fall to their feet! Wouldn't they? That's the reason for being a cat - and *not* a dog. ;-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Nonono! They are *cats*! As well as warriors. They would fall to their feet!

*pauses for a second*

*laughs like an idjit*

I never even thought of that!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

:-))

[jen-deben.livejournal.com]

Your sympathy for this writer is preventing you from sporking this beastie as it deserves to be sporked.

Never mind whether you would have written a spy story when you were fourteen - would you have had the gall to name your character Hermione? Or imply that the story was a Harry Potter fanfic, rather than an original story? The writer just needs to change Hermione's name, and no one would be the wiser; the story is pretty firmly divorced from HP fanon already.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Your sympathy for this writer is preventing you from sporking this beastie as it deserves to be sporked.

Oh, it will get its due, of that I have no doubt. ;)

Never mind whether you would have written a spy story when you were fourteen

Oh, I did. The opening bit is sporked somewhere in this journal. I plan on sporking a little bit more soon, too.

would you have had the gall to name your character Hermione? Or imply that the story was a Harry Potter fanfic, rather than an original story?

If I were fourteen at this very moment? Oh yes. In fact, I'd probably do a great deal worse. She'd be dangling from a heart-shaped balloon.

[jen-deben.livejournal.com]

If I were fourteen at this very moment? Oh yes. In fact, I'd probably do a great deal worse. She'd be dangling from a heart-shaped balloon.

rotl! Well, okay. My New Year's resolution is to be nicer to Suethors anyway, so I shall endeavour to join you in being charitable about the charms of Assassin!Hermione.

[vanityfair00.livejournal.com]

This is hilarious!

I could see you having written this. As for me, I was always more of a time traveler myself.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I so totally could have written this.

It's actually far more stylish than what I did write.

I'll be putting up more superspy!Sue soon!

[imadra-blue.livejournal.com]

I am so ded that I am unded. *dies again* I may never recover. XD

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I think everyone who reads this gem has the same reaction.

*grins*

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