Holy smokes...it's my Second LJ Anniversary! So, to celebrate: valismort.

[valis2]

The Second Anniversary Evil valismort Spectacular!

For those of you who are new to the list, may I just introduce you to the Evil valismort Cabal of Doomy Doom Doom!

Yes, during a long trip last year in May I began to think of the flist, and what each person's role would be in a Death Eater organization run by myself. It does sound mildly disturbed, I know, but it was kind of funny. And pathetic, on my part. But it was social, and we can all agree about how important it is to be social. If you're even more confused by this explanation you can check out the first two entries:

First valismort entry
Second valismort entry

My disclaimer of dhûm: I hope no one is offended by this. I mean no offense. If I've offended you, let me know and I'll remove your line. Remember, this is all subjective, it's what popped into my head when I thought of these usernames. Also, I only wrote blurbs for mutual friends. Please don't be sad...this took several hours just doing mutual friends.

_lore She's spent hours decorating Evil Headquarters in green. She claims it was for a special Muggle holiday. She brought Evil Green Firewhisky, so none of us complained. Has also been informing us of the Evil Possibilities of something called American Idol. It does sound pretty evil, I must admit.

_noesumeragi_ She is still busy carefully creating the Ultimate Evil Cat, though she's rather unfortunately named it after that Muggle-loving fool.

absurdwords She's been experimenting with a new hex she calls the Cilantro Burst. Now if we could just get someone to develop a Tomato Dicing Hex, we could have Evil Salsa.

ac1d6urn She's been checking and double-checking maps of London for weeks and muttering to herself. We think she might be writing fanfiction. I hope it's Evil Fanfiction where Legolas finds his true love. Or at least that it involves little things hitting each other.

aerynstales She's recently installed a Wizard Jukebox at Evil Headquarters. It plays only the finest pure-blood rock 'n' roll. Quite marvelous, if I do say so myself. She's also been telling all who will listen about someone named Sure Lock Homes. I do hope he's not an up-and-coming Dark Lord, because I might get jealous.



agatha_s The halls of Evil Headquarters are filled with the sound of music. Evil Guitar Music, that is. Especially F chords, which she plays and then watches us with one eyebrow raised, waiting for applause.

angelruse Has been developing a limburger hex that she claims is perfect for ousting large crowds of Muggles. I think it might oust large crowds of DEs, too, and have forbidden her from practicing it near Headquarters.

annecatherine She's been compiling all of the Evil Statistics and will be providing us with the report soon. We can't wait to see the figures for Number of Muggles Frightened, Number of Dark Marks Cast, and, my personal favorite, Number of Chocolate Bonbons in the Evil Gringotts Vault.

aphrodeia She has been training her fantastic Evil Cat Brigade to swoop down on unsuspecting victims. She claims it works as long as we bring catnip. And they don't get distracted by something shiny. Or a nap. Yes, she does have some work ahead of her, now that I think about it.

aramintasnape Her lovely minions are a sterling example of Cute Evil. And her new business is doing wonderfully! Her dessert line is quite popular. She keeps bringing samples to Headquarters, where they mysteriously disappear. Well, we are witches, after all.

arionrhod She's been drawing up elaborate Evil Ice Skating Plans for weeks now. Too bad Snape found them. He's been carrying on about Lycra all week.

atdt1991 This Kindler, Gentler Death Eater has been holding Follow Your Inner Voice seminars for the last three weeks and encouraging group hugs. And not even Evil Group Hugs! Something needs to be done. Though he's terrific with the Evil Karaoke machine. He even has his own Evil Backup Dancers!

athenakt She's been practicing her Wine Fountain Charm lately, to the delight of all those who attend meetings. Ooh, she's going to try a Riesling next!

aubrem She's been trying to lure someone named the Doctor to our side, claiming that, as a Time Lord, he'd be a tremendous boon. I caught her ogling a picture of him, though, so I have a feeling that there are ulterior motives involved.

avus He's been wrestling with something he claims is even more evil than I am. It's called "Word". I don't know whether to be pleased with this or not. I don't like competition.

b2wm She's taken to wearing a long, multi-colored scarf and hiding in a blue phone booth. I'm not certain why, but everytime we ask she starts humming a spooky melody, and we just back away slowly.

blackletter Claims she's written the Best Evil Plan ever, but every time she's questioned about it, admits that she actually dreamed that she was writing it, and wishes she could remember it in real life. We forgive her, though, because she's the best source for black cloaks ever.

cactus_wren Thanks to multiple Warming Charms, her Evil Pool has been the hit all winter. And what lovely Evil Fluffy Towels! Though she told me privately that if Rabastan keeps stealing them she's going to have to start charging for them. Thank goodness she doesn't suspect me.

caladan_dd Her immensely detailed Evil Blueprints are the perfect thing for planning a raid. She's working on the Ministry as we speak!

caligryphy We're all jealous of her mansion, Hodges. He brings her Evil Hot Cocoa and tucks her in at night.

cantabile Visited the Tower of London recently and admitted that our Evil Den of Iniquity (or at the Very Least a Few Misdemeanors) is much superior.

cantatrix05 Has been knitting our enemies' Doom! It's very pretty. I like the daisies.

catsintheattic Keeps insisting that we should all invest some time into Conflict Management seminars. I keep telling her that Conflict is what we do best.

celisnebula Her mango magaritas are just the thing for our meetings! They're terrific and sometimes she slips Veritaserum into Snape's, which is lots of fun.

chocolate_limes Has been asking us to call her Willaston Hyena. Keeps talking into a nonexistent "camera", which is some Muggle device that frightens everybody except Snape. Starts off every evening with the comment "There are a million stories in the naked city. This is one of them." At least she's not wearing the Dalek costume anymore, though the Muggle trench coat is just as bizarre in its own way.

chrysantza She's been purchasing special scents from someone named B. Pall and bewitching all of the male Death Eaters. Snape is quite jealous and keeps looking for the brewer, but apparently she's Unplottable. Has trained a squirrel (using the Imperius, of course) to do tricks and imitate Lucius Malfoy. It's quite amusing.

circumartificia Her Mint Julep Charm leaves us all quite refreshed!

cordelia_v She's been carefully and meticulously recording our meteoric rise to power. Every single bonbon is recorded in her copious notes. I've also been wondering if we can borrow her decorating team to spruce up Headquarters a bit. I hear they're quite exuberant!

cruisedirector Her Evil Gosling Swarm was overwhelmed when they were showered with corn by a sneaky Order member, so she's trying a new tactic. She promises me that her Ultra Evil Flying Snapping Turtle Brigade will be the pride of the Death Eaters. I can't wait!

dark_cygnet Has taken to wearing a robe trimmed with swan feathers and singing something about "I am the eggman...I am the walrus...coo coo kitchoo", which doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is funny.

deepforestowl She's been attending several Evil Seminars with our blessings. She's been tinkering with a Flying Motorcycle, and let me tell you, it's quite impressive. When she puts down the visor on her helmet she's ready to rumble, let me tell you.

delicfcd Has taken to wearing his Pirate Ninja costume in public. We've asked him repeatedly not to wear the Death Eater mask with it, but he claims, "'Tis my duty, commander!", and then does several acrobatic cartwheels...and who can punish a Pirate Ninja anyway?

deviantauthor Has a perfectly lovely Evil Tigger Tum Tum to do her bidding. I'm rather jealous.

eloisasnape Do not tempt her with crisps. Lucius found out the hard way. He still can't find his snake!cane, and Eloisa just giggles everytime he asks for it.

fernwithy Her Evil Essays are just the thing to pick you up when you're having a less than evil day. Plus, she's been teaching all of the younger DEs about geography.

florence_craye She taunts our enemies with Evil Obscure Words. Best of all is when she puts on the Evil Octopus Headgear and begins to summon the cuttlefish. Many Shuvs and Zuuls find out what it's like to be roasted in the depths of the Slor on those days, I can tell you.

furiosity She's been working on her Unravelling Curse, which causes our enemies' shoelaces to come untied and trip them. Snape and Lucius have both taken to wearing boots.

gillieweed Has been trying to start a new group called the Thrill Grill Cult. She claims that it's even more fun than hexing Muggles. As if that's possible. Her new catchphrase: "Show me a lime and we'll have a great time." I hope she makes dragon kabobs next. And somebody was telling me that Peeves visits her quite a bit. I wonder how we could turn that to our advantage...

gina_r_snape After Gina's stunning achievement in getting Snape and Lucius absolved of any and all crimes, we gave her what she wanted most: her very own Evil Trader Joe's.

gmth I have now twice caught Lucius in a whispered conversation with her, and both times they looked guilty. Of what, I have no idea. Somehow I don't think it's a surprise party for Narcissa.

gypsyjolie She's been clandestinely pinning lovesick poetry to any Weasley boy within fifty feet of her. Which, given her propensity to keeping the Burrow under constant surveilance, is rather often. We've tried lectures, intervention, and trade embargoes, but nothing seems to work.

hill_ She's taken to sketching certain male DEs, and we always used to get together with a few barrels of firewhisky and giggle over them. Until Snape caught us. He started shrieking about Sirius Black and the shower and how had we found out and then ran away.

iibnf She's been singing the Electric Crisp song lately, and it must be Evil, because it involves rhyming the word bacon with Muggle-baiting.

ildi_bp Her Doughnut Charm has gone a little awry recently. That's okay, we like them with extra sprinkles. Though the liver-flavored filling isn't quite as appetizing.

imadra_blue She told me yesterday that I was no Yoda. Whatever that means.

imafarmgirl Ricky the Evil Dog of Doom has been taught how to sniff out our enemies and drool on them. I mean, point them out.

jen_deben Has been exuberantly spiking the punch bowl with Libido Booster. Don't think I don't know!

jollityfarm Likes to stand to the side during DE meetings and point out inadequacies. With a laser pointer. Lucius gets all bent out of shape...it's rather amusing.

julian_black Has officially resigned as DE librarian, but is still available for Evil Research, thank goodness. She's also been working on finding black cloaks for all of us, which is rather a tall order, but I'm certain she's up to it.

junediamanti Discovered that by buying our bonbons in bulk, we could save £30,000 per year. Huzzah! She's been working on our tax-exempt status, too. Though she assures me that the phrase "not-for-profit" isn't literal, and that I haven't anything to worry about.

kaiz Her presentation on Wizarding in the Middle Ages was fantastic. We never knew there was a Leeching Charm! Must look into the possibilities...

karasu_hime Has secretly drawn Snape in Lycra, and has been passing it around to the delight of many of the other DEs.

khames She's been painting murals on the Headquarters recently. Though I'm worried. One of them says Psychotic Evil Overlord Lives Here. I wonder if she means me?

kleio_the_muse Has been earnestly explaining about the Doctor as well. I'm beginning to wonder if they're planning to mutiny. Though I must admit, this Doctor is a fine specimen...

lady_branwyn Has been enthusing about paneer. I don't know; it doesn't sound Evil enough. Perhaps if it was served with a bit of Evil Salsa...

larilee Our Evil Public Relations Department has been on fire recently. No, really. Someone apparently doesn't care for our organization...can you imagine that? I told her to get out the Fire Hose Charms and get back to work. We can't afford a single day with no spin!

ldybastet I hear that Lucius has offered her a large sum of money for her Slytherin belt buckle, but she won't budge. In fact she keeps wearing it to meetings, and doing a little twirl every time he looks her way.

ledivinemarquis Every time she stops by Headquarters, she tunes the Wireless to something called Goldfrapp. It's rather invigorating, I must say.

lfire1 I've been asked to deliver a message to you: The Mummy will have his revenge. Oh, and You must not read from the book. And Death is only the start of the next stage of life, which involves swimming with hyperactive jellyfish. Maybe I made that last one up.

linnpuzzle Continually talks about good omens. I wish she would start researching Evil ones!

lisamarie0921 Her latest book just came out. Of Mice and Men: Transfiguration for Dummies is an instant classic.

luvboromir24601 She was very saddened when her boots were ruined during a raid in a treacle tart factory recently. Our resident ringwraith has vowed revenge. I can't wait to see her smite some tarts!

mariannelee Has written her first book! It's terrific. The Sound and the Fury: Wandless Curses is already into its second printing!

mehitobel_ny Claims to have an "in" with Peeves. Says she even feeds him weasel treats! I had no idea that poltergeists liked weasel treats.

mimbulus Has been catering all of the DE events. Try the veggie lasagna, it's delicious.

mneomosyne She's been illustrating the DE alphabet recently. It's quite lovely! I'm featured as the letter "V", of course.

mortifyd Has been developing cleaning spells recently. Headquarters sparkles now! His enchanted mop is a wonder to behold.

ms_hecubus Her plans for Muggle domination via penguin governmental infiltration were thwarted due to the careful deployment of large buckets of anchovies by a quick-witted government worker. Back to the drawing board for her! Next? Robot penguins.

musigneus Her Evil Fiery Mouse spell has gotten out of control! She's been accidentally setting fire to everything lately. Crabbe and Goyle have to follow her around with a Fire Hose Charm at the ready.

mysduende Our fabulous Evil Siren has been working on a Pied Piper of Hogsmeade charm that she claims will empty the village of every virile wizard. In recognition of this stunning bit of spellwork, I told her she could keep the fruits of her labor.

nassima Our best expert on flying! She's been showing off recently and doing spiral loops and figure eights. She looks simply dashing, though she inexplicably keeps bringing a Muggle camera with her and taking pictures of her toes.

nimori Has been trying to sign everybody up for some sort of Olympics event. She's been creating two teams, Team Romance, and Team Angst. Snape has been sulking for a week because she put him on Team Angst.

nix___ Has been eagerly talking about the Prince of Tennis to everyone who will listen. I think Snape is jealous. He's just a Half-Blood Prince, after all.

odyssey01 She discovered a method to hex potatoes and has formed a new unit of our army, called the Pommes des Terres Guerilla Strike Force. Vive La Potato Révolution!

pandora_nervosa We haven't seen Pandora for a week. When I finally Floo-called her, she said she was entertaining "wolverine", and took her grate off the network after she hung up! We're all wondering how she could possibly be entertaining a small beligerent rodent native to North America, but we know better than to bother her when she's entertaining...

pen_and_umbra She's been developing the Death Eater in a Box line of gifts. They contain a mask, a robe, a special guide to hexes, and a copy of her autobiography, My Evil Style. Pimp!cane optional.

privatemaladict She's been tutoring all of the Death Eater children lately. I hear they're progressing beautifully. She's already taught them her trademark Pink Wombat Charm! I just hope she keeps them away from the bonbon stash.

rexluscus She's been producing a terrific newspaper called the Death Eather Quarterly, full of in-depth reviews, articles about Muggle-baiting, and how-to primers on creating themed soap.

rickfan37 Her charmed scarf is still entertaining us. At last week's meeting it got stuck to Snape! We all laughed and laughed...well, except Snape.

sapphiresnape She was last seen walking to Sephora with a strange, bewitched expression on her face. We sent a rescue party, but they haven't returned, either.

saridout Has been attacking Waffle Houses recently, claiming that their syrup is "addictive" and must be destroyed.

scarah2 She's patented her new Ludicrous Hairstyle Charm. It's hilarious. Lucius isn't amused, but the rest of us sure are.

scatteredlogic She's been working on a Death Eater Fangirl Listing for ages now. It's quite detailed!

scribbulus_ink She's been making great strides in our alliance with the werewolves. She's been in almost constant communication with Remus Lupin. What's strange is that I keep seeing Snape passing her notes. I wonder why.

serpenatrix Has been ranting about something called "Hello Magazine" and promising that they will receive their comeuppance.

seventybyheart She keeps bringing her pets to the Death Eater Show 'n' Tell. Her most recent trip involved an adorable little hedgehog. I keep telling her that she needs to procure Evil pets, but she just giggles.

shagsthedustmop Her Enchant-a-Mop endeavor is so incredibly popular that we've barely seen her recently!

sibility She's discovered the secret to perfect toast, and we all keep showing up at her house for breakfast.

sigune Her Death Eater Comics are awesome! Though Snape keeps insisting that his boots do not look like that. We just think he's jealous of her amazing skills.

snapesforte She's embarked upon an ambitious project that she claims involves iambic pentameter and Salazar Slytherin. She's been cooped up for days, scribbling on roll after roll of parchment. I just hope she lets us see it when she's done.

snarkypants She keeps altering the local weather so she can take trips on her flying motorbike. Rather cheeky of her, though I do have to say, I'm enjoying the sun.

snegurochka_lee She's put together an exhaustively researched presentation about the men in the Death Eater organization. We watched it at a special women-only gathering and we positively howled! It was terrific! She charted SEverus's obsession with collecting Kewpie dolls, Lucius's enchanted complimenting hairbrush, and even delved into the Lestrange brothers' rather strange private wardrobe, which apparently contains black leather chaps.

straussmonster She put together a wonderful production of the Magic Flute lately.

subrosax She's been diligently working on a set of documents she's named "Hagrid is Inadvertantly Working for Our Side." Also has been caught wearing glittery green boots under her robes. She claims they remind her of the Killing Curse. I had to buy a pair after that.

sylvadin She's been designing our new robes. But she keeps trying to talk us into purple velvet with orange lining!

tapedeck Her Death Eater Elegance Quarterly puts the fun back into fashion!

tbranch He's been creating new artwork for Headquarters. His pieces are stunning! I especially love "valismort, Queen of the Universe, and Toast".

themostepotente Has been charming the pants off many of the male DEs. Literally. I've told her to stop before someone tries a Permanent Sticking Charm and things get messy.

thetreacletart She's developed a Marshmallow Snow candy that has to be seen to be believed. We always have s'mores every time she drops by Headquarters.

todayiamadaisy Her Flowering Hex is not only pretty, it's deadly.

trickofthedark She's been giving lectures on the value of a Galleon recently, and its impact on the Muggle dollar. Fascinating stuff, though I wish she would lecture on how to make more Galleons.

vanityfair00 She's taken to charming umbrellas to create a Cone of Dryness. She's been so successful that she's received orders from all over the wizarding world!

violet_quill Her quill is always in motion. Her recent mission to bring Percy Weasley into the fold is very nearly a success. She even has photographs to prove it!

virtual_gravy Has developed a new line of clothing for male Death Eaters called the Bohemian Gangster.

whitemunin Her advice column has been a big hit in the Death Eater Quarterly newsletter! I especially liked her answer to Dating A Muggle in Montreal. Excellent work!

zakkati She's recently proclaimed herself Universal Princess of the Desert With Unlimited Roaming Calls. I'm not about to contradict her. I just hope I can borrow her phone occasionally.

ziasudra She has decided that we must now refer to her as Lemon Chanteuse-Brie, Three Cheese Calypso Island, All Rights Reserved.

*iz ded* Wow, this took...nearly three weeks. Well, not a constant three weeks, but still...whew.

*hugs da flist*

ETA: randomspectator has enthusiastically offered her dyeing services, claiming that it will confuse our enemies if we change the color of our hair biweekly. An excellent plan!

Comments

[valis2.livejournal.com]

But they're so cuuuuute! ;)

I'm so glad you enjoy them! *hugs*