Ah, the Calendar of Useless Phrases in Italian.

I'll be visiting Italy again in the next year or two, so last year I bought one of those rip-a-day calendars so that I could learn some helpful phrases.

It has been the source of much hilarity, as many of the phrases are so uncommon that I've never spoken them in English, let alone Italian.

( A sampling... )

I have a feeling that the makers of these calendars ran out of useful phrases ages ago and now sit around getting high and trying to outdo each other for Most Useless Phrase Ever.

House is highly enjoyable.

Just to let you all know...

Earlier today my Mary Sue joined the cast of House. At first she was a smart, competent nurse. Snapped at, she was unaffected. "I'm here to help heal people," she shrugs. Quick to learn, she easily outmanuevers snide comments.

Then she decided not to be a nurse. She was actually a computer tech, and her AS400 knowledge was so vast that it left her in the upper echelons of techdom. Completely self-confident, she was hired for a short-term project, but when the hospital saw what she could do, they hired her full-time. Wilson finds her writing in the cafeteria, and asks what she's doing. "Writing a screenplay," she says. "In longhand?" he asks in disbelief. "Do you think they'll let me use the system resources on my lunch hour?" she quips. She's so awesome that she goes right from "says" to "quips". I kid you not.

Then they try to set her up on a date with House for some ridiculous plot whim. She says, "Look. I'm a big girl. Dr. House doesn't like big girls. If he really wants to ask me out, then he'll have to do it himself. And he's not going to." And she's just so awesome that he does.

What? You don't like her? That's because she's my Mary Sue, not yours. And it's fanFICTION, anyway. I can daydream what I want.

Brough to you through the awesome power of Denial.

And...a new view of the lion.