Ah, the Calendar of Useless Phrases in Italian.

[valis2]

I'll be visiting Italy again in the next year or two, so last year I bought one of those rip-a-day calendars so that I could learn some helpful phrases.

It has been the source of much hilarity, as many of the phrases are so uncommon that I've never spoken them in English, let alone Italian.

A sampling...

Sei fortunato/a di avere un lavoro! You're lucky to have a job!

Ho dei topi in casa...ma non ho paura. I have mice in my house...but I'm not afraid.

Croce, perdi tu... Tails, you lose...

Ho lasciato le chiavi a casa. I left my keys at home.

Acceleriamo il passo. Let's pick up speed.

Allacciate le cinture di sicurezza. Fasten your seatbelts.

Domenica faremo una scampagnata. Sunday we'll have a picnic in the country.

Firmi qui, signore. Please sign here, sir.

Ho la moto in panne. My motorcycle broke down.

Mi manca la liberta! I miss my freedom!

Other choice phrases that I've lost..."I've never seen them before until now" and "I failed my history exam".

I have a feeling that the makers of these calendars ran out of useful phrases ages ago and now sit around getting high and trying to outdo each other for Most Useless Phrase Ever.

Comments

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

I beg to differ. "Mi manca la liberta! I miss my freedom!"
is something we'll all find ourselves saying more and more.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Ah, only too true. *tries not to weep*

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

You must have the same calender as my roommate, because the Italian phrases on hers are beyond bizarre. I think the other day it was "Does your puppy bring you the paper?"

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha!! Oh, that's priceless. I can't think of a more useless phrase, honest.

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

It was odd. The rest are weird too, though. There's one that taught you how to say "Uncle Mario is a bear!"

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[ozymannedias.livejournal.com]

If I didn't know better (and in fact I don't) I'd say those went together:

Two roommates and the friend crashing on the couch come back to their flat.
Roommate One: My life sucks: I failed my history exam.
Roomate Two: You think your life sucks? At least you're not a delivery guy! My motorcycle broke down and I left my keys at home.
Friend: You're lucky to have a job. I have nothing - just mice in my house...but I'm not afraid.
Roomate One (opens letter): Oh shit! I've been drafted. I miss my freedom!
Friend: Get in my car and fasten your seatbelts. We're going to Canada!
Roomate Two: I say Mexico.
Roomate One (holding coin): Heads Mexico, tails Canada. (flips coin)
Friend: Tails, you lose. Come on, let's pick up speed.
Roomate Two: You should sign the rent check first. Please sign here.
Roomate One: That's "please sign here, sir" to you, Civilian. (winks)
Roomate Two: Your eyes...they're beautiful. It's like I've never seen them before until now. I long to see them amongst the daffodils: Sunday we'll have a picnic in the country.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*rolls on floor, laughing* Oh, this is great! Could be the next challenge for quirkyhpshorts...use the horrid phrases from my calendar in a HP fic...hee! Oh, but I couldn't be that cruel.

[ozymannedias.livejournal.com]

Cruel? I call it brilliant...this would be even funnier if instead of Roommates One and Two and the friend on the couch, it was James and Sirius and Remus (Sirius having the motorcycle, James failing his history (of magic) exam, Remus having mice in his house but naturally not being afraid because, you know, he's a werewolf).

*smacks self back to "reality"*

You've unleashed a terrible evil in me which does not sleep.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

AAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE...I feel the evil creeping into my skull.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

The Useless Phrases Challenge (http://www.livejournal.com/community/quirkyhpshorts/12921.html) has begun. I credited you. I hope you don't mind! :)

[ozymannedias.livejournal.com]

Mind? No way! I'm on it as a welcome distraction from my three WIPs which are, collectively, out to get me.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Terrific! Enjoy.

[aramintasnape.livejournal.com]

I have mice in my house...but I'm not afraid

Lol! Now why don't they teach us this stuff at school ;)

Do you actually speak any Italian or are you just starting to learn? I will be needing a few Italian phrases for a fic in the near future!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You might want to ask ciara_belle...I am still very, very poor at Italian. :(

[aramintasnape.livejournal.com]

Oh, thanks! I will do when I get round to writing that chapter :)