Dear eBay Customers

[valis2]

• Dear Mr. Impatient: I know it's hard to believe, but I do not, in actuality, sit at my computer 24/7 and wait for customers to leave me feedback so that I can respond in kind. I leave feedback once every other week, after the majority of people have paid, so that I can do all 100 to 150 pieces of feedback at the same time. Some customers, in fact, never leave me feedback, so I don't rely on them to decide when to respond. Anyone who pays me receives positive feedback. Period. Makes my life easier.


• Dear Mr. Trying-to-get-a-deal: No, I will not end the auction early so that you can buy this item for a ridiculously low sum, when you and I both know that it will fetch far more on the last day. Yes, I do, in fact, know how to end an auction early. But I'm not going to.


• Dear Mr. Threatening: I dislike you, and your wife, and I resent the implication that you have so snidely suggested. I do not, in fact, log onto eBay as four different IDs, and then proceed to drive up the prices of every item I have on auction. Honestly, I don't have the time, nor the poor grasp of ethics, to be engaging in such behaviour. Oh, you've just realized it was someone else entirely? Someone else who disliked you intensely? What a surprise. No, I will not give you a discount on shipping because we happen to inhabit the same state.


• Dear Ms. Impossible-to-understand: I gave you a terrific deal. And threw in extra merchandise to boot. And then charged you substantially less than it actually cost to ship it to Japan. I will send you replacement goods for the items you claim were "broken," and I will send you the items you purchased this week in the same box, but I will definitely charge you the difference on shipping for the first package. I do not appreciate the incomprehensible emails, the drain on my time, nor the (quite frankly) bizarre notion that you do not own any sort of camera whatsoever. Not even on your phone. I thought you lived in Tokyo! No one you know has a camera? I find that hard to believe. I really, really, really hope that we shall never do business together again.


• Dear Ms. Exuberant: Your feedback was short and to the point, if a bit hyperbolic. Please keep in mind that while I retain the utmost respect and gratitude for the easy business transaction we shared, I do not, in fact, love you in return. But I appreciate the sentiment very much, as it lifted my spirits, and continues to do so.

Comments

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

I loved these. I am glad you finally got somewhere with Impossible-to-Understand. Maybe she'll buy this from you and that is it.

Once I saw that "Doctor Jones, there is nothing you can possess that I cannot take away" quote left as positive feedback. I thought it was funny, but not helpful to future buyers.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm all done with the Japan transaction! I never did get anyone to translate, so I had to muddle through on my own. But now it's done, and I'm about even in the profit department...at least I didn't lose money, that's what I think.

I once received this feedback for selling a Thomas Covenant book:

"Don't have time to comment, am leaving for The Land."

I've never read the Cov books, so I was pretty lost, though I eventually figured out that it had something to do with the books. *rolls eyes*

[rickfan37.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! That is actually a pretty funny comment, speaking as a Covenant aficionado. ;-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! It was totally inexplicable to me, I'm afraid. I found another Cov book and read the dust jacket, and that's where I found the reference, and it made a little more sense. ;)

[rickfan37.livejournal.com]

BTW, I think you'll like my latest post... ;-)

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Tee hee hee! I'm glad you didn't lose money, at least. It's always disheartening to actually lose money when the point is quite the opposite!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I know! I'm such a softie...I always start the auctions at a very low price to entice people...but then a lot of people wait until the last possible second and purchase it at the very low price, which means that on some sales I'm actually losing 10 or 20 cents. That's why I always keep the shipping at about $2, so I can make 30 or 40 cents per package for handling, even though most packages cost me $1.11 or $1.35 to ship. Thank goodness for that, or I'd really be losing my shirt.

The people who really help me out are the people who bid early. They really make the item(s) look more enticing. Also, the people who get into bidding wars make it all worthwhile.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

I usually try and bid when I first see stuff, because I've forgotten too many times. I put in the highest I'm willing to go, and if someone outbids me that's fine. But waiting until the last minute never works for me. Who can keep up with those schedules?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Who can keep up with those schedules?

Oh, you'd be surprised. *laughs*

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, the idea of that is distressing. lol People are crazy. I understand as a seller being aware of ends of auctions, but as a buyer? Eh.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Some buyers actually have bots that watch the listings and bid for them. They set limits and let it go.

EBay is serious bizness, y'all.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Weird! I should take a look at these bots. lol