Bleh bleh bleh.

[valis2]

So I ended up going to the doctor yesterday because I started feeling sick again. Apparently the antibiotics didn't knock out the sinus infection entirely, and now I'm feeling pretty awful.

I feel so strange, too. One of the things on my plate for this week was purchasing a new car. I needed to buy it before I leave in mid-March, and I was hoping to find something. Well, a friend researched it for me and found something promising, and then I spent Sunday and Monday going to dealerships. Let me tell you, this is not the time to be buying a used car. I couldn't find anything.

So I ended up buying the car my friend found. Turns out it was at the dealership I bought my Cavalier from, ten years ago. It was also, quite frankly, about 99% perfect for what I had in mind, and just a teensy bit outside of my price range. I think, were I to live a normal life, I'd be quite enthused that I bought the car on Monday (picked it up yesterday morning). I think I'd be jumping up and down.

But it's weird. I feel...depressed. A little of it has to do with having a car payment again after so many years without, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that my sweet little blue Cavalier is going straight to the junkyard. As I was going to the dealership, I passed a tractor-trailer hauling car carcasses, and I was just totally upset.

I feel guilty. After ten years, 195,000 miles, its stubborn ability to start in nearly any situation, its amazing fortitude upon being loaded up to its maximum weightload, and its constant companionship, I hate to resign it to the scrap heap.

It also really isn't sinking in that the new vehicle is mine, honestly, because I drive a different vehicle about five to eight weeks of the year, so I think my brain is still thinking I'm driving a company vehicle.



I will miss you, boon companion.

Comments

RIP times two

[cantabile.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean and understand totally. I once had a blue Vauxhall Astra estate car which did a lot of miles with me over a long period of time. When I left it, locked in a compound, and drove away in it's shinier and newer white cousin I felt awful. It got sold on and a few weeks later I received a phone call from the neighbouring police force to tell me they'd found it. I told them I'd never reported it as lost, as I'd traded it in, and they said it had been written off and abandoned. I felt truly awful then. Poor little blue cars! Maybe they'll zoom around that great race track in the sky together. I think I'd like that.

Enjoy the new one. Do you have a picture?

Re: RIP times two

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I still feel like a heel. When I saw it in their lot, denuded of license plate, I just felt so awful. Like it was faithfully waiting for me, patient as always, and here I was, driving off in another car.

I haven't taken pictures yet, no. I just...feel so weird. I think it's because I'm sick, y'know? I'm just not feeling normal right now.

[avus.livejournal.com]

Never put down your ability to care, especially in the face of another's or another thing's vulnerability. It's, perhaps, our most important gift, to others and to ourselves. When we share a part of our life with someone or, indeed, some place or some "thing", whatever we share w/ becomes a part of us. There's neurological evidence that it becomes part of our brain. I strongly suspect it's much more, as we have no way to measure the soul, nor are we likely to.

What you're saying is that the car was not merely a tool, some thing to do w/ carelessly, and then to discard w/o a thought or, more importantly, a care. It had become important in your life. Obviously, in your writing, here, you're anthropormorphizing it, making it as if it were human. That's b/c, I suspect, our language has no common way for us to let others know when some "thing", that's not specifically "alive", has become part of us, even a deep part.

This reminds me a learning when I was involved in a two year training, perhaps 20 years ago, with a gentleman who was half Native American. (I don't remember what tribe.) Once a trainer made a distinction between what's alive and what's not. Art spoke up, simply, but powerfully with truth: "My grandmother thinks mountains are alive."

I realized, then, so do I. So, by the way, does the great early naturalist/ecologist Aldo Leopold, in his wonderful essay, "Thinking Like A Mountain" (in his beautiful Sand County Almanac).

You think of cars as alive. Or perhaps more acurately, as participating meaningfully in life.

But I go on.

Hope you get better soon. Sorry I'm not around lj much. RL extremely busy.

All the best to you & yours,

avus

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you so much! I really appreciate your comment very much.

I do tend to assign too much emotion to things, and I try not to, because it sometimes backfires. I get too attached. I mean, I know it's just a car, but still...I just think of what a great vehicle it was, how simple it was, and how easily it took me from point A to point B, how many solitary miles I spent under its roof...and I get a little sad.

Eventually I'll remember that it was leaking coolant into the passenger footwell for three years, that it just didn't have the cargo capacity that I need, and that the passenger window wouldn't roll down. But for right now, I'm having a little Cavalier pity party. heh.

The best to you and yours as well. I'll be in CO in late April/early May for a few days, btw...we'll have to see if we can finally hook up!

[avus.livejournal.com]

I'll be in CO in late April/early May for a few days, btw... we'll have to see if we can finally hook up!

My wife & I would enjoy that. We failed miserably to axe murder privatemaladict & nanki__poo when they visited in early December. Perhaps we can do better.

As you might imagine, I'm a bit cautious about putting address, phone, etc., on lj. Just email me at avus1927@yahoo.com. If your email monicker isn't valis2 or something close, put that in the title of the email. I'm cautious and never open any email where I don't know the sender.

Let's make it happen!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, no problems, I would be cautious about that too. I don't lock anything, myself, so I like to be a bit careful too. I'll email you soon and hopefully we can work something out!

*hugs*

[marginaliana]

Wow, this is really a very insightful comment, and I agree. valis2, you care about something - that's a good thing. The things we use and own and work with necessarily become part of us. I think that's an important part of what being a human being means.

*stops self from rambling about humanity and compassion and so forth* :D

[avus.livejournal.com]

It's all right to ramble about "humanity and compassion and so forth". Sometimes it's even important or necessary to do so.

*grins*

[cafemercury.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm sorry. I completely understand how you feel. I drive a '98 Honda that I've had since she was brand new, and I'm very attached to her.

RIP Cavalier. *hugs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*mourns the Cavalier*

Yeah, I'm trying to think good thoughts, and just not think of my little Cav, squashed into a cube. ;)

[snarkysneak.livejournal.com]

I felt kind of the same way when I got rid of my first car, a hand-me-down, white Excel hatchback. I put that poor little car through hell, but I knew all of its little quirks and it did its best to get me where I needed to be. There were so many memories in which that car plays a role. I am now quite attached to my latest car...Daedalus the Scion of Doom.


RIP little Cavalier. :(

I do hope you enjoy your new car too.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I really am having a hard time reconciling this car with the scrap heap of doom. It really was a good car! I put a lot of miles on it, and it was very sweet. It gave me very little trouble.

I can't yet enjoy the new car; honestly, I haven't realized that it's mine yet! heh.

[seaislewitch.livejournal.com]

Almost 200,000 miles? That's incredible! Yay for little blue car!

You really should have taken a slave!Barbie/little blue car picture.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine used to work for a dealership, and she was flabbergasted that it hit that mile marker. Usually Cavaliers blow up at 100,000.

That would have been a funny pic, totally! I could have drawn a floating cat on the windshield for good measure.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Awww, I know just how you feel. I still own my first car that I got 8 years ago (when it was 7 years old), and I know I will be sad when I finally have to part with it. Luckily, it's a Toyota so it should last to 2 or 300,000 without too many problems.

I generally feel a bit sad when I have spent a significant time somewhere or with something, and I have to let it go. I felt that way when I moved last October, even though the new place is much better than the old. It felt as if I was abandoning the memories and experiences I'd had there. It's as if you leave a piece of yourself with each car or place you live (or other significant objects), and it's hard to part from them and start anew.

My parents had this old, ugly green couch for many years when I was young. It was one of my favorite places to sleep, daydream, and build forts. I still remember the day they said they were taking it to the dumpster. I spent some time with it and did cry a bit, because I was sorry to see it go. Even if these objects don't have feelings or reactions to us in the way we do them, it's perfectly fine to be attached. They've been a part of your life and having feelings about your world and environment is perfectly natural, I think.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Toyotas are well-known for their longevity, definitely.

I'm rather excited because the new vehicle I bought has a Honda motor in it, which is terrific. They're also a great motor maker.

The couch I have currently is the couch I grew up with. At this point it's about 100 years old, and it's just so wonderful. I don't think I could ever get rid of it. Only thing is, it's not very conducive to snuggling with a partner; it's very long, and comfy at the sides, but the middle isn't as exciting.

I'm glad you understand this sentimentality. When my parents sold the house I grew up in, I was so unhappy. My entire childhood took place within its walls, and it was really hard to let go. :(

[morricone1900.livejournal.com]

well, 195,000 miles is a distinguished career. I'd say it did its job and then some. So let it go -- it lived a good life!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yeah, I'm starting to feel a bit better about it. But still, I can't help but feel that lingering bit of guilt...

[(Anonymous)]

Aww. *scritches*

I can sympathize with you from a different standpoint. My hubbie's car was on its last legs; we were nursing it with oil and water regularly whenever he needed to drive it. So when I finished paying off my first Saturn, we blew most of our savings on a second one from a used dealership. Now, he'd gotten his old Buick from his Father who passed away just over two years ago now. It was very sad to have to give up the old car...

Use your new car in good health!

[athenakt.livejournal.com]

Er. Yeah. That was me. It's rare that I get logged out like that. Odd. :)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee...I do that all the time, unfortunately!

Thank you so much for your good wishes! I'm still mourning the cute blue car, but I'm starting to bond with the new car, and it's finally sinking in that it's really mine.

*hugs*