Through These Walls

[valis2]

Title: Through These Walls
Rating: R
Characters: RL, SS
Summary: Severus receives a visit from Remus in Azkaban.
Warnings: Poetry, angst, pre-slash
Notes: Beta'ed by the lovely julian_black.



I have bowed before
two masters, killed them both, and
yet I am still chained.

I did not plan for--
later, for this empty space,
the grey and the black.

You are familiar,
you fill me with revulsion
I know all too well.

Are you a ghost, here
to explicate my crimes, to
gain understanding?

I'm afraid I can
offer you nothing, except
my blood and my bones.

They hold all truths now.
Do not trust my mind, it will
show you what it wants.

The Potter boy? No.
He hasn't the stomach to
see his handiwork.

Ah, a pardon, now
I know you are a dream, a
nightmare, a dark howl.

Don't touch me. I'm here
until the end, until the
grey. Until the black.

Your grip is--warm. It
hurts. It burns and reminds me
of too much. No more.

I did not ask for
this. Your pity I hate most.
It tastes like sulfur.

Damn you, and damn your
Portkey, you should have left me.
I was almost gone.

This bright, blazing place,
this nuisance, just like you, too
warm, too cheerful, no.

You have no right to
claim me like this. You are not
my newest Master,

come to see me scrape
and lick boots once more, twice more,
until my tongue bleeds.

There, I knew the grey,
black, I understood the slow
weathering of Time.

Here, in your bed, I
understand nothing, your eyes
watch, watch, and regret.

Do you think I am
the reward for her death? Don't
forget who killed her.

Or is this how you
will draw me out, slice by slice,
'til I beg for death,

dealt from your mercy,
dealt from your merciful hand,
permit me to kneel.

Perhaps you are lost,
and you think I will find a
way, a path for you,

one not overgrown
with thistles and aconite,
one lined with bluebells.

This warmth, it scalds, it
rubs raw, I am helpless in
its grip, its rough fire.

Why have you freed me?
It was just as easy to
leave me there, dead weight,

to excise me from
your memory, to prune me
away, to hate me.

You always were an
idiot. I remember
shivering, watching

your laughter, your eyes,
the way you held a book, so
fluid, so gentle.

I must tell you, a
kiss cannot mend me, a soft
touch won't make me whole,

but I will stay still
this time. These walls are just the
same, grey, black, and if

I just concentrate
on breathing, in, out,
perhaps you won't leave.

Comments

[tudorpot.livejournal.com]

Very well written. You conveyed the dark and hopeless aspects of Severus.
I've written two poems lately, posted today. It just seemed to come to me. I had only written one other poem before, do you find that it's "just there"?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's easier than other times. This set came together a lot more quickly than this set (http://www.livejournal.com/community/lupin_snape/429354.html"), for example, which required a lot of rearranging.

I adore poetry, but I don't see a lot of it in the HP fandom, unfortunately. It's sad, because there are so many wonderfully complicated characters, honestly.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

this is stunning. Wow. So gripping and acute.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Love the icon.

[etrangere.livejournal.com]

I'm very proud of that icon ^^ It was custom made by Rex for me, so I could support Team angst during the first snarry games.

I wish they had kept the same teams for the new games ;_;

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

So sad. I like it.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!

[marginaliana]

Sad but beautiful. I love the way you capture his despair. *shiver*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you took the time to comment! I appreciate it.

I do tend to write about maudlin subjects, don't I? heh.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is lovely! My favorite part is:

Perhaps you are lost,
and you think I will find a
way, a path for you,

one not overgrown
with thistles and aconite,
one lined with bluebells.

There is something about the way this flows and expresses so much. Yay poetry!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I almost didn't include those bits because I wasn't certain that they would make sense to everyone.

In fact, I'm always a little sad when I post poetry, because I know a lot of people don't care for it. I really love poetry in fandom, and I wish more people would bring it on, honestly. There seems to be a great divide, too. There are a few astonishing, sparkling poems, and then there are hundreds of Draco angst-o-ramas. The middle area contains very few people, people who want to improve and grow, and I think it's because they're afraid to post this sort of thing. Or perhaps I'm just being ridiculous.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Oh, it made sense to me. I especially love the bluebells at the end, because they're so unexpected and exactly the right image to conjure up happiness, sweetness and contentment- something neither of them have and I suspect something that Snape can't offer. So bittersweet!

The entire piece made me tear up a bit, in fact. Very moving and evocative. I think poetry is great and I wish more people would post it. There's something about distilling a story or moment down to very few words that makes it all the more powerful.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

P.S. I don't know how my Poirot icon got there. I meant it to be my Remus one. lol

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I think poetry is great and I wish more people would post it.

I could not agree with you more. A really good poem gets right under your skin and takes you somewhere familiar, or someplace new, or both, and that's its best power. I love poetry.

I'm so glad you caught the bluebells, and their significance! :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lore/]

Your pity I hate most.
It tastes like sulfur.

Wonderfully descriptive and an excellent development of Snape's voice. I'm so glad you tried this PoV - I think you worked it well!

*HUGS* Thanks so much for taking on the challenge!

love, lore

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! I very much enjoyed writing it...I have a sekrit love of haiku, and it's awesome when I can merge it with HP.

Hooray for poetry challenges! *throws confetti*

[tjwritter.livejournal.com]

OMG! I held it together rather well until I got to the end...

I must tell you, a
kiss cannot mend me, a soft
touch won't make me whole,

but I will stay still
this time. These walls are just the
same, grey, black, and if

I just concentrate
on breathing, in, out,
perhaps you won't leave.

Amazing! Truly so!!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, hooray!! I am so glad you like it! Like I said, the Snupin haikus are my favorites. I could read these again and again. hee!

*hugs* THANK YOU!