How To Tell If Lord Voldemort Is Your Co-Worker

[valis2]

How To Tell If Lord Voldemort Is (Or Is Possessing) Your Co-Worker or Colleague.


1. Always wears sunglasses. Even indoors. Even at night.


2. From his job application:
   
   NAME: Steve Sonotthedarklord
   
   GOALS: learn C++ programming, network with like-minded persons, take over the world and kill that nasty little Potter boy, become Microsoft certified


3. Has an Access file on his desktop called "Walpurgis Knights" that no one can get into.


4. Is often seen with coffee pot in the breakroom, tapping it with an oversized toothpick and mumbling something about creating a Horcrux.


5. Hisses at computer.


6. Has locked desk drawer that will not budge. Occasional thumping noises are heard from within, which he claims is his pet rat. Not certain if he's joking.


7. Insists upon being referred to as "Lord Steve."


8. Never seems to type anything, but his work is always done.


9. Has been caught scribbling in a diary.


10. Colleagues bring him tea with a spaced-out look in their eyes, and don't seem to recall it when you mention it later.


11. Picture of snake on desk in "Friends Forever" frame.


12. Won't let anyone touch his "special" tea cup, which, oddly enough, bears the initals "HH."


13. Calling his voicemail yields the following: "Leave a message after the tone. If it's about the...thingy, then page me."


14. Copy of World Domination for Dummies on his desk.


15. Refers to colleagues who quit as "traitors" and often offers his services to management to hunt them down and "make them pay."


16. Writes long-winded memos about the "purity" of UNIX.


17. On casual Fridays, wears T-shirt that says, "Ask me about immortality."


18. Often receives personal phone calls from a "Steve Snape."


19. Prefers individual projects.


20. Previous supervisor who criticized his work disappeared under rather strange circumstances.


21. Only worked at the Help Desk for two days because a customer complained, saying that he had referred to her as a "filthy Muggle, unfit to lick our database's hard drive."


22. Got very drunk at the annual Christmas party and announced to everyone that he can turn a mousepad into a bat. Attempted to demonstrate, but passed out instead.


23. Fills out direct deposit forms, but HR is unable to locate the bank of "Gringotts."


24. His screensaver is a slithering snake.


25. From marginaliana: Has keychain that reads "Dark Lords Have Big Wands."

Comments

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Y'know, #1 sounds a lot like Bono...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

bwahaha! He's been found out!

Does that mean "the Edge" is Severus, or Bellatrix? Hmm.

[innerslytherin]

Writes long-winded memos about the "purity" of UNIX.
*cracks up*

These are great.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Glad you enjoyed!

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Severus. The wool cap is to cover up the greasy hair.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*laughs and laughs* Of course!

[todayiamadaisy]

Ha! :-)

He would probably arrange all his work projects to come to fruition in the last month of the school year, too.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Of course!

Imagine if they had some sort of Tri-Office Tournament...

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Heeeee! Beautiful! :-)

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Ah! I know why I missed you so much!

No 11 wins! Closely followed by no 4 and 6. *g*

But the funniest thing is that some of those traits do really exist in the outside world. :-) Like no 1: people who think of themselves as super-cool and wear sunglasses on a winter night in the underground.

The world is full of Voldemort wannabees! ;-)

[ldybastet.livejournal.com]

Mwahahaha! Excellent! I shall have to double check next time we hire someone. *g*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed!! :)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

#11 is my favorite too. I keep giggling about it!

The world is full of Voldemort wannabees! ;-)

That just makes this guide more relevant! hee.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely! Because can you imagine the eventual health care payout if you hire someone who's immortal? Wow!

[atdt1991.livejournal.com]

I totally have a coworker who hisses at his computer.

[ac1d6urn.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha! Ohh, that's perfect. I want to be Steve! I think the coffee pot is already my horcrux, source of inspiration, and fuel supply. I just have to start hissing at my computer now, and Imperio the co-workers into fetching me coffee. *inks a dork mark with office pens*

Thank you, that made my morning.

[cafemercury.livejournal.com]

I've been hissing at my computer for days now.

*checks reflection* My eyes! And where'd my nose go?

This was fantastic! I so appreciate the humor you've been leaving on my friends page!

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

*giggles* This is just what I needed to start my work day. Thanks!

[marginaliana]

LOL at #11 and #21 especially. :D Brilliant!

25. Has keychain that reads "Dark Lords Have Big Wands."

[randomspectator.livejournal.com]

*snigger!*

[absurdwords.livejournal.com]

o.0

I think I should keep an eye on my colleagues. Especially the one with the maniacal laughter.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

*snerk* You'd better watch out! Any unexplained lapses of time?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

bwahaha!! Hilarious.

Now that I think about it, Imperio'ing co-workers could be quite a bit of fun...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

bwahaha! Awesome. Keep up the hissing, and soon enough you'll be thwarted by a handful of teenagers!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

So glad to help! *hugs*