TV Guide Horror #2
Sep. 29th, 2005 06:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2Oh, you cannot miss this.
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Bring some tail-wagging fun to your holidays with one of America's most lovable dogs. Presenting The First Annual Sheltie Christmas Ornament...Santa's Helper, a superbly detailed, fine porcelain ornament available exclusively from the Danbury Mint.
A limited-edition treasure.
This adorable Sheltie is all set to help Santa deliver his presents right to your tree! The "Merry Christmas" banner and runners of the sleigh are accented with 23kt gold, and the year 2005 appears on the front of the sleigh. Production of this exquisite hand-painted ornament is strictly limited and will end forever by December 31, 2005. By purchasing this first annual Sheltie ornament, you will be ensured of the opportunity to acquire the complete collection.
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I haven't set up a tree in awhile, but if I did, and some random dog on a sled appeared, I'd either a) bring out the shotgun from under the bed, or b) check the water supply for hallucinogens.
Why 23 karat gold? Why not 24? They must have done some market research that showed consumers made no differentiation between the two, and they found they could save 50ยข per ornament.
I love how the last line makes it sound like such an honor that they'll have the chance to sell endless hideous dog-in-sled items to you, should you indulge in this porcelain nightmare. I'm certain that, should you prove yourself soft-headed enough to purchase a horrible Sheltie ornament, you will receive mail and/or phone entreaties to purchase frightening canine sledding trinkets for the rest of your life. They'll call up your next-of-kin after you pass away. You'll be swamped in ornaments. When people open the front door they'll start pouring out. And they'll find you, crying under the sink, clutching the ornament to your chest as you sob, "This was the beginning, this was the first, this was the dark sucking hole of dog-in-sled misery, I'll never have flapjacks again."
#1
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Bring some tail-wagging fun to your holidays with one of America's most lovable dogs. Presenting The First Annual Sheltie Christmas Ornament...Santa's Helper, a superbly detailed, fine porcelain ornament available exclusively from the Danbury Mint.
A limited-edition treasure.
This adorable Sheltie is all set to help Santa deliver his presents right to your tree! The "Merry Christmas" banner and runners of the sleigh are accented with 23kt gold, and the year 2005 appears on the front of the sleigh. Production of this exquisite hand-painted ornament is strictly limited and will end forever by December 31, 2005. By purchasing this first annual Sheltie ornament, you will be ensured of the opportunity to acquire the complete collection.
---
I haven't set up a tree in awhile, but if I did, and some random dog on a sled appeared, I'd either a) bring out the shotgun from under the bed, or b) check the water supply for hallucinogens.
Why 23 karat gold? Why not 24? They must have done some market research that showed consumers made no differentiation between the two, and they found they could save 50ยข per ornament.
I love how the last line makes it sound like such an honor that they'll have the chance to sell endless hideous dog-in-sled items to you, should you indulge in this porcelain nightmare. I'm certain that, should you prove yourself soft-headed enough to purchase a horrible Sheltie ornament, you will receive mail and/or phone entreaties to purchase frightening canine sledding trinkets for the rest of your life. They'll call up your next-of-kin after you pass away. You'll be swamped in ornaments. When people open the front door they'll start pouring out. And they'll find you, crying under the sink, clutching the ornament to your chest as you sob, "This was the beginning, this was the first, this was the dark sucking hole of dog-in-sled misery, I'll never have flapjacks again."
#1
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-29 11:07 pm (UTC)[frightens the cats, laughing]
You know, it's things like this that make me almost sorry that I no longer take the Sunday paper. Parade magazine is a goldmine for kitschy, mass-produced "collectible" tchotchkes like this.
I know I'm weird, but the font on the banner really bugs me. I'm about 90% sure it's Book Antiqua Bold. Now, Book Antiqua is a nice enough font for documents, but when the glaze decal on a "collectible" item is in a font that came standard on Word 97--well, hell--it might as well be in Comic Sans...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-29 11:10 pm (UTC)Oh, yes! I don't get that either, so TV guide will have to do.
It is interesting how similarly they format all of these collectible ads. Even the ones for Nightmare Before Christmas. It's like they're afraid that if they stray from the establlished format the little old ladies will rise up against them.