How to get rid of telephone solicitors

[valis2]

Earlier this evening my phone rang. My caller ID usually displays two lines of text, and is situated in a small nook that is a bit dark, so I can't always read what it says. When I looked, I could see only one line of text, which usually means that it's subrosax calling (it always displays "PRIVATE" when she calls).

So I answered in my usual manner, thinking it was her. "YO YO, IS THIS THE SAMSQUAMTCH? WHASSUP!" I shouted into the phone.

There was a hasty click.

Turns out it was displaying "UNAVAILABLE," not "PRIVATE," and it was most likely a sales call of some sort.

lol.

Comments

[gypsyjolie.livejournal.com]

*SNORT OF LAUGHTER*

Ow. That hurt.

[little-tristan.livejournal.com]

Too cool. The worst thing I ever did to a telemarketer was to tell him Meiner Bruder was on fire and the drapes were catching. I invited him to try again in a couple days and, if anyone had survived, we'd hear him out.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hahaha! I really must have been loud and scary, because they didn't even wait around to say, "Uh...Mrs. blahblahblah?"

*hugs* I miss you, hon!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hahaha! That's a good one, too. Definitely the way to avoid calls in the future, lol.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

*DIES*


This reminds me of the time I got a sales call from a local photograph studio. This particular studio had been calling us for *months* trying to get us to buy portraits of our non-existent children, despite us telling them several times that we were childless.

It was a cold April night and I had had a truly horrid day at work. I was in the bathtub trying to warm up and calm down when the telephone rang. Idiot Ex wasn't home, so I hauled my dripping carcass out of the bath, padded into the study, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello! This is the Silver Light Studio of Photography, and we're having a sale on children's portraits. Is this the lady of the house?"

"No." I think I bared my teeth. "This is the bitch. Can I help you?"

*click*

They never called back. I wonder why?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

ahahahha!!! omg, that is priceless!!!

I absolutely love it. Great response, that.

*laughs and laughs*

[lauriegilbert.livejournal.com]

I just always start trying to sell them something.

"hi, I'm calling from the paper that prints crap to offer you an amazing offer . ."

"That's great, but I've got an even better offer for you! Do you know how to get free books, help with research, and especially good in your case, resources to find a job that pays more than minimum wage and can get you respect from your peers? You don't? Well let me introduce you to this great modern concept called a library!"

I'm lucky if I get past the minimum wage line :D

[lampblack.livejournal.com]

Well, it's just going to be your loss when your Giant Squid Warranty runs out because that salesperson wasn't able to sign you up for an extended policy!

I'm going to practice that line to rid myself of unwanted telemarketers though. Seems very effective.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hhahahah!! That's an awesome idea!

I used to work for a woman who would do something similar. She'd ask for their name and their home phone number. When they hesitated..."What's the matter?" she'd ask. "You have a business, and I have a business, and I'd like the opportunity to sell you something as well!"

lol!!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Well, it's just going to be your loss when your Giant Squid Warranty runs out because that salesperson wasn't able to sign you up for an extended policy!

*snorts* Damn, because when those Giant Squid break down, that's the worst! Tentacles flying everywhere!!

I'm going to practice that line to rid myself of unwanted telemarketers though. Seems very effective.

I must admit, I had not thought of its efficacy in such situations before this, and now I'm tempted to try it more often!

*hugs*

[arouette.livejournal.com]

My Dad once got a telemarketing call from the Arthur Murray Studio at 8am (or earlier) on a Sunday.

He immediately started in with "Charlie? Is that you? That's not funny." They assured him they were serious, and that he had "won" a free dance lesson.

He then informed them that they were sick, cruel practical jokers, as "Charlie" knew damn good and well he was a paraplegic.

The guy stammered out an apology as Dad hung up. Mom, having heard most of the conversation, told him he was going to hell when he died.

He walked over to the counter, got her a cup of coffee, and replied, "Very probably. But they won't call back."

They didn't.

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! *gggg*

[thedoingofit.livejournal.com]

LOL.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

HOLY COW. That is unbelievable!

I can't imagine they ever called back--they probably never called anyone in that area code ever again, lol.

What a story!

*laughs and laughs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Isn't that hilarious? I wish I had figured this out sooner!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee!! Now I want to answer every call this way!

[marginaliana]

Actual tears in my eyes from laughter. Marvelous!

[artystone.livejournal.com]

ROFL! Yeah, I'd say that'd do it.

[artystone.livejournal.com]

I love the old Seinfeld line about asking for their home number so you can call them back later. What? You don't want me calling you at home? Well then!!!!

[drusillas-rain.livejournal.com]

ahaha :D


So, I think I was channelling you last night in my dreams - there was a group of people who were speculating that the next big fandom platform (the one that makes all of lj pick-up and move) would be sentient gorillas.

Yeah, I'm not sure either. But I did get to go and take a tour of gorillas hanging out in a river along with some other fen.

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

LMAO I am trying to imagine this and can't stop laughing.

I'll also have to put some of these tips in the comments to good work next time I have a telemarketer call!

[ladywhitehart.livejournal.com]

That story made my day. I usually just play up my accent.

[lady-branwyn.livejournal.com]

One time, I flirted with an obscene caller, mistakenly believing it was one of my male friends being obnoxious. Then I asked him to wait while I answered the doorbell. :D

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee!! So glad that it cracked you up. Husband laughed like an ijdit, so I knew I had to put it on LJ. ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

haha!! It really was funny. I did it once before, too, only it turned out it was a friend of Subrosax, and it was pretty hilarious because I was so embarrassed. *laughs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow! I would love GorillaJournal. That would rock. We could all swing from the virtual trees!!

Yeah, you definitely found some of my antibiotics, lol.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this has been kind of a goldmine, hasn't it? lol! This is why I love LJ. ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed!! I knew I had to share it because Husband laughed so hard over it.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

bwhahahaa!

That totally reminds me of the time I was staying at a Motel 6 and I got an obscene phone call in the middle of the night. You know how I have hearing troubles, and when I picked up the phone this guy said, "I want to smeurfle your murfle" or something. I had to make him repeat it three times, and he finally yelled "I want to EXPLETIVE your EXPLETIVE." Then I laughed like an idiot in his ear and he hung up.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hahaha! That's a good one. And so true!

We've been pretty lucky. There's usually a surge in solicitor calls when we get a new phone number, but in this case, we've only had a few.