X-RATED X-Files badfic bits

[valis2]

X-rated badfic bits from X-files fic. Badfic pr0n. X-rated. Yep, the naughty badfic bits are here, as promised.

Have I mentioned that they're x-rated?

READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

• Skinner shifted deliberately to allow himself a peek at Krycek's cock, quiescent, if inviting, in its nest of dark curls. It lay on his thigh like a basking lizard, the tip of his glans gleaming from the shelter of his puckered foreskin like the wary eye of an old world chameleon.


• [Mulder:] I felt the floor of my apartment meet my nose in a sudden, sickening crunch. Thankfully, that's all I could feel when my insides heaved and Krycek's cock fit into me... a too-big lock into a shriveled key, rusty and dark from disuse.
  
  I find this endlessly intriguing; the layers of unsexiness, the squickiness...and then...the concept of fitting the lock into the key. Bwuh?


• [Mulder, while Krycek is rubbing against him, nude:] Looking up at groaning, hip gyrating Krycek from underneath was a new one on me. Watching him slide down my body until his face lined up with my cock was...
  
  ..was like sprouting wings and flying over the green, cheesy man in the moon...
  
  ..if the man in the moon sucked cock.


• Before [Mulder] had a chance to say anything else, [Scully] slid down his slick body and ran her tongue slowly down his engorged cock. He shivered with utter delight. He gasped as she took the full twenty-five inches into her warm mouth.
  
  Yes. You read that correctly. The author does, in fact, state that Mulder has a twenty-five inch long cock.
  
  Later on in the fic:
  
  "It wouldn't be the first time I've worked around you with a hard on." [Mulder] winked at her.
  
  [Scully:] "I know."
  
  [Mulder:] "You knew?"
  
  [Scully:] "It's kind of hard to hide."
  
  Yes, I can't imagine that anyone within fifty feet missed the sight of a twenty-five inch long erect cock down the leg of Mulder's pants.


• Krycek responded to his blackening eyes with a moan. "Ohhh, Walter." His penis flopped like a beached fish gasping its last.


• One of the most disturbing fics ever. A fanfic about a vampire who bewitches Krycek entirely, and then eventually turns him and then they Gary Stu together into the sunset. The vampire is described as being 6'8" and is cold and hard like marble.
  
  Some of the best quotes from the fic (seriously, this is major cherry-picking, because there are several sequels and lots of sex scenes to choose from):
  
  • [Vampire's POV:] I know what my cock feels like. I know how hard and unyielding it is. [Krycek] feels like he has a glazed ceramic pipe up his ass right now.
    My balls grow too and are the size of grapefruits now, filling with boiling jism, my jism, which is not like any human sperm. I rock and push hard again, forcing my cock to invade his tight ass, causing his muscles to convulse on my rigid shaft. I bellow, "Scream like a bitch for me!"
  
  
  • I must look like a baseball bat slamming into his exquisitely tight ass, forcing those cheeks aside as I drill deep into his ass. I have topped out at 13 inches long, and four inches wide.
  
  
  • I am in ecstasy, feeling my pre cum leak like a faucet in a steady stream from the hole in the end of my cock and seep into [Krycek's] bowels. I know it descends, his tissues absorbing it like a sponge, filling his nut sacks till they feel like they will burst.
  
  
  • [Krycek] never stops screaming, "OOOHHH, GGGOOODDD, NNNOOO, [Vampire's name]! AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHH! OH GOD, I'M GONNA DIE! AH, JESUS, YOU'RE RIPPING ME TO SHREDS! OH FUCK! MY BALLS ARE GOING TO EXPLLOODDEEE!"
  
  Dude, this fic made my head explodeee, seriously.
  
  ETA: No, wait, there's found more.
  
  [Vampire's POV:] [Krycek's] ass gaped open like the bomb bay doors on the Enola Gay and I massaged his ass cheeks, watching his hole quickly close up around the white-washed skin of his insides.
  
  Seriously, I would almost think this is a parody, only it isn't.


• Alex rolled Mulder and from on top, pushed into Mulder groin with his own hardness and they both moaned.


• [Krycek] eagerly dipped two strong fingers between [Scully's] burning thighs as she sucked in a shuddering breath, easily scooping up some of the plentiful evidence of Scully's forbidden desire from her already swollen sex. He offered a tantalizing taste to Mulder, who stared at him glitteringly for a moment, then surrendered after an uneasy pause, sucking her still warm juices from Krycek's finger.
  
  It's the "glitteringly" that got me.


• Scully withered under [Mulder's] hands and moaned, "Oh God, I think my breasts just had an orgasm."


• [Skinner's] left hand fondled Krycek's balls, then delved below them, stroking the ridge of perineum while his right hand squeezed the base of Krycek's cock with a one, two, three, release, one, two, three, release finger roll.
  
  And it's one, two, threeeee strikes, you're out, at the old balllll game...
  
  And the reaction to Skinner's formula:
  
  Krycek's feet began rubbing against each other as if he'd transformed into an amorous cricket, his breath ragged from his throat in husky sighs


• [Scully's interior monologue, upon seeing Skinner (who has a hardon) run into a waiter while coming back to the dinner table from the restroom:] Lets go, girl! Oh, here [Skinner] comes, they finished cleaning him off, finally - did you see the look he gave that busboy who tried to wipe up the alfredo sauce? Heads up, girl! We are gonna get laid tonight!


• As [Mulder] drew his tongue up [Scully's] central canal he tasted the first stirrings of her pleasure. Then, it was a flood as her nectar came rushing out. He lapped it all up, rolling it on his tongue like a fine wine. The vintage was excellent, and he already knew that he loved the vineyard.
  
  How about the twin albino cows with the pink noses? Did he like those? And what about the neatly trimmed juniper bush? And the hot, moist well--oh wait, that's the vineyard.


• [Author's note:] STOP HERE IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY NON-STANDARD SEXUAL SITUATIONS, INCLUDING M/M, F/F, M/F/M/F/M, AND SO ON!!
  
  M/F/M/F/M? Do they even have that many characters on the X-files? The Lone Gunmen must get involved or something. Maybe Skinner's secretary. Flukey? I can't imagine who else.


• [Mulder] rested his arms on drawn up knees, feeling desperate. "I wasn't bisexual when I woke up this morning, Scully." Then, considering, "Well, maybe I was and didn't realize it, but I find it hard to accept that I've been nursing a secret passion for Skinner all this time." Let alone a hidden desire to do squat thrusts on a guided missile....a missile guided by his boss, no less.

Don't send me the therapy bills. Seriously.

Comments

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

I should hope that most people have enough of a sense of humour to see the greatness in this, rather than being offended. =D