Need to find some words

[valis2]

I have about 2945682 LJ entries floating around in my head. Having trouble getting them down, though.

So anyway, I've been rereading a fic I started writing when I was fourteen. It's a fantasy story. Typical save-the-world stuff, heroine whose world gets turned upside down, etc. I originally wrote it in a set of stenographer's pads, and then eventually rewrote the beginning on a computer (say, 1990, dot-matrix printer and all), and I'm reading the rewritten version (oh god, the original handwritten set would probably set me off writing for life).

It's as awful as expected. Mary Sue heroine with erratic mood swings, some Gary Stu guy showing up, some characters speaking in High Cultured Voices (that are not grammatically correct, snort). Characters step into and out of the story with little to no reasoning for why they would be there, and characters make grand entrances which really don't make sense, and the plot is unfettered by logic. And there's a talking horse who is annoying beyond belief. The characters have an average lifespan of a thousand years, which is stupid and just another example of how I couldn't let them get hurt. I can see my trademark Stick In This Extra Detail And Maybe It Will Be Useful Later device, but unfortunately, the detail is large and unwieldy and really really clichéd. I can also see my penchant for Extreme Melodrama Piled On Top Of Angst.

It was an interesting experience to reread it. Over the last twenty years I've changed the story into my head, turning it into something entirely different, little by little, and some of the old stuff is now wholly unrecognizeable. In fact, while I was rereading it, a character says that he's from a certain city, and in my head I was thinking, "You've got the name wrong," lol!

Still, I love the characters and the country, and the story I have in my head now is much more intriguing (not that it took much to be more intriguing than this half-baked mess). I've been taking notes and I hope to make it into something else. Reading the old version was quite a trip into the past, though.

On a strange side note, I remember going on a date with a guy while I was in the rewriting phase, and he read the story, and was ridiculously enthusiastic about it. Like, over-the-top with glowing praise about how lovely it was and how fantastic it was and how he wanted to read more. I think he must have just wanted to get into my pants.

Comments

[todayiamadaisy]

I do that: constantly rewrite a story in my head, so how I remember it isn't anything like what I've actually written. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I wonder if, say, Tolkein did that? Came back to his book years later and said, 'Wait, hobbits are like short people? I thought I changed them to talking pigs!'

some characters speaking in High Cultured Voices (that are not grammatically correct, snort)

Something that sticks in my head about a story I wrote when I was, ooh, ten or eleven: it was a sci-fi story (well... it wasn't, it was just set in space, if you see what I mean) and the teenage girl protagonist answered her space phone by saying, 'Who is occupying the other end of the line?' Because obviously futuristic space people wouldn't say anything as common as 'hello'. :-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I do that: constantly rewrite a story in my head, so how I remember it isn't anything like what I've actually written. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I wonder if, say, Tolkein did that? Came back to his book years later and said, 'Wait, hobbits are like short people? I thought I changed them to talking pigs!'

hahaha!!!!!! Yes! Exactly. And I'm just wincing and wincing, because so much of this is just what I've been making fun of for ages. lol. Still, I was fourteen. Thank goodness there was no place for me to publicly post this at that time...

Something that sticks in my head about a story I wrote when I was, ooh, ten or eleven: it was a sci-fi story (well... it wasn't, it was just set in space, if you see what I mean) and the teenage girl protagonist answered her space phone by saying, 'Who is occupying the other end of the line?' Because obviously futuristic space people wouldn't say anything as common as 'hello'. :-)

*snorts* Of course not. That cracks me up--I love it when things move backwards instead of forwards, getting longer instead of (like nearly everything else we use commonly) shorter.

And now I want to answer my phone that way. ha!

[aubrem.livejournal.com]

Is it time for you to fall in love with Sarah and Severus again? Maybe a little reread ...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! I'm bringing it with me on my long business trip, on a flash drive. I'm wondering if that will spark something. :) I've been thinking of them rather fondly recently...

[aubrem.livejournal.com]

No pressure though! I will wait patiently for inspiration to strike you - don't try to force it. : )

[valis2.livejournal.com]

lol! No chance of that, I'm far too...er...laidback. *grins* I'm so glad you remember the story so well! You're my biggest fan, I swear.

[quoshara.livejournal.com]

I thank God everyday that common internet usage wasn't around when I was in my Mary-Sue phase. Even though they were only for fun and the pleasure of my friends, who were also Sue'd into the stories, it would be horridly...er...horrid. *L*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Same here. And I would have TOTALLY put my stuff out there on the net, I know it, and probably would have been traumatized by people pointing out how awful it was.

I mean, I did have a teacher tell me how bad it was once, but still. Most people were encouraging.

[djin7.livejournal.com]

I have about 2945682 LJ entries floating around in my head. Having trouble getting them down, though.

Every day I struggle with the same thing! ♥

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee!

Y'know, ages ago the ratio of entries posted to entries thought of was about 1:1. A couple years ago it was about 1:3. And now I think it's 1:10.

[hardboiledbaby]

It's as awful as expected.
Hey, you were 14. It's scary when the writer is 44 and still can't tell there's a problem. :-)

How kewl that there's still something there that intrigues you and motivates you to re-visit it. Go, you!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

The story is ho-hum, but I like the characters, especially since I've smoothed them out and removed the extraneous (and highly improbable) stuff. And if I could just put together a big enough and unusual enough plot, I think I could actually get a trilogy together. *crosses fingers*

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

I have a similar dot-matrix printer copy of my "novel" that I wrote at a similar age and have had this same experience recently. Some of my ideas are quite good really, but most of it is a long-winded attempt to tick every box in the Spotters Guide To Bad SF Cliches. All of the people were impossibly gorgeous, the heroine was really tough, feisty, full of brilliant ideas, the only person ever to escape from this top security prison (for a crime she didn't commit, OBVIOUSLY). I was a bit more brutal than you, though, and killed my characters for dramatic effect and ANGST. It was like a better-looking space version of Eastenders really.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Eastenders in space! ahahha awesome.

I could never kill characters at that time, except for the token sacrificial character (a la Dragonlance). I was horrified by the thought. I made them near-indestructible, actually. Their magic powers were pretty intense, in some ways. Honestly, they were a lot more realistic than many Sues I see, but they were still Sues. lol.

[go-back-chief.livejournal.com]

I've had some stories I've kept rewriting since childhood or adulescence, too. Some of them are really not recognisable anymore, they basically only share the title and/or main premise. Going over old stuff you've written can be hilarious and sometimes painful, but sometimes you can get some pretty good new ideas entirely unexpectedly. It may be badly written, but that doesn't mean there can't be something good buried deep down.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly!! I keep rereading this stuff just in case. And it's not a situation where I look at it and think, which bits do I excise? It's a situation where I say, which bits can I keep?

Most of it is mediocre. There are only teensy bits here and there that I thought might be salvageable. There was one character I didn't recognize at all and I was pretty surprised by that--I didn't remember him one bit. But he's kind of interesting.

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

It must be the time of year for re-reading one's own old stories, because I've been doing that, as well. And you're right--it's funny how things change, in the mind, so when you go back over them they seem like they were written by someone else. I did that to my so-called "big" fantasy idea... even when I stopped actively writing it ('cause I got stalled, whoo), I was rewriting it in my head, fleshing out the bad plot into something a little less horrible.

Going back and reading it over made me realise that a) I love the characters but not how I wrote them; b) I love their world but not how I fleshed it out; c) I love the concept but I despise the plot. Ha. I'd love to do what you're doing--taking notes and hoping that something good'll come of them--but I fear this idea's been butchered too badly. =D

I think he must have just wanted to get into my pants.

... Yeah, probably. =D

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It must be the time of year for re-reading one's own old stories, because I've been doing that, as well.

hee! Yep, I've been rereading lots of stuff. I almost want to go back and read the looong handwritten version, too, but long version is loooong, and I don't know if I can stand it.

Rereading it made me realize so many similar things; the characters are nowhere near as interesting, and even though I love them, they're so completely annoying in this. In fact, I might just skewer a few of the better lines. That might be fun.

But yeah, I really think that 99% of it has to go. It's so melodramatic and silly!

And that guy was an avid fantasy reader. There's just no way he really liked it.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That is so epic. I love it.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It's so overwrought and melodramatic--the characters burst out of the pages, I swear. One guy literally appears on cue, just in time to deliver a snarky comment. It's all very giggle-inducing. ;)

[sigune.livejournal.com]

OOoooh, that sounds so familiar XD!

But do continue rewriting in your head - it can be very fruitful. My current Gawain Project also started with a novel (ahem) I wrote when I was fifteen and find immensely wince-worthy now. My personal belief is that a good story has to mature slowly, like a good wine ;).

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! We do like to nurse our stories for a long time, don't we? I'm very much hoping that I can turn this into something interesting. If it's only a tenth as good as your Gawain Project, I'd be overjoyed. :) *hugs*

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

That's so awesome that you've got a kingdom in your head. I saw a fairly-new episode of the Simpsons recently, with Lisa making friends with a new girl in town and they write a fantasy story together, about the kingdom of Equalia. Pretty rad.

Too funny about the guy wanting to get into your pants! Of course, some people accept a large variety in their...quality of literature. heh.

♥

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! Yeah, I loved having that stuff in my head. And there's more--a giant superspy epic that also has turned into a crazy epic story.

And that guy--poor thing! He was unsuccessful.