Sue profile #5

[valis2]

[Recap: Some of you might remember that at one of the HP conventions, gmonkey42 and I put together a Snape and his Mary Sues presentation. In order to put the presentation together, we had to read a bunch of HP fanfics featuring Sues who were paired with Snape. The other night, I was scribbling notes on scrap paper, and realized that the paper in question was from a printout of the spreadsheet that we built to house the data. And then I started laughing at the quote, and I thought that we really should share the profiles because they're just too much fun not to.]

• Name of Sue: Zelia Fierfly


• Eye color: "the color of the night sky"


• Hair color: long, blond


• Markings: flawless porcelain skin


• Clothing: yellow-green robes


• Other: short


• Curves in all the right places: "slender, delicate" so probably no


• Nationality: American


• Exchange student or DADA professor?:


• Outcast or beloved: beloved - she's never been to England before and everybody except Snape is instantly super nice to her


• Went to Hogwarts with Snape/Marauders?: nope; is much younger than Snape


• House: n/a


• Unique magic ability: knows a spell for making a floating mirror appear, which isn't that remarkable except the incantation is SPECULUM. I don't think that word means what you think it means. Also is super good at potions. And she GLOWS IN THE DARK because of a screwed up potion she brewed when she was a kid.


• Other: oddly obedient to authority, like to the point where it makes you wonder if she had a lobotomy


• Special possession: Snape made her a bedroom that looks like a forest, just like she likes. Awww.


• Totally uncharacteristic Snape moments: He lets her read his books but she's not allowed to touch anything else. WTF, he wouldn't let anyone mess with his books. Apart from that, he's pretty accurately hostile, at least at first. But then he ruins it by not freaking the fuck out when he discovers she GLOWS IN THE DARK WTF. And shortly after that, he kisses her eeeeeww and it's all downhill from there


• Relationship with Snape: randomly assigned to marry each other by Ministry repopulation marriage law; acts hostile but is secretly nice to her and then overtly nice to her


• Other: her name is Fee-air-fly, but people keep mispronouncing it, despite the fact that they hear it rather than reading it; some guy whose identity is never revealed turns up and kills Snape and the Sue at their wedding


• Sue House: Angstywaah

Comments

[innerslytherin]

LOL Oh my. But I think speculum is Latin for mirror, isn't it? She just didn't think about the other meanings of the word before using it.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Probably. But dude, it's hilarious. Too bad she didn't think to look it up beforehand. ;)

[innerslytherin]

LOL it also tells you the author is under 18. ;)

[artystone.livejournal.com]

GLOWS IN THE DARK because of a screwed up potion she brewed when she was a kid.
ROFL! I have to admit I like that one.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

That was pretty hilarious. But I love that Snape is totally unfazed by it. *snort*

[artystone.livejournal.com]

That was pretty hilarious. But I love that Snape is totally unfazed by it. *snort*

Can't you just see him rolling his eyes?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, totally. "Have you confused this series with that loathsome vampire book?" LOL

[elle-blessing.livejournal.com]

I love these so hard. *g*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Awesome!! I'm so glad that you enjoy these.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*diez* Fierfly and glows in the dark?!?! Bwahahahahaha! That is PRICELESS. Omg, plus the forest bedroom? Srs wtf.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I love the forest bedroom SO MUCH. Of course Snape would provide that for his shnookums. lol!!

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

I guess glowing in the dark could have its advantages, especially if she shaves her pubic hair into an arrow and writes "clitoris this way" above it in sharpie marker.

Hang on a minute, they both get KILLED at their wedding?? Awesome. I must read this now.

(I've also just realised how much my almost-written long HP story character was a total candidate for your criteria, and I'm so glad now it was never done!)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

OMG SHARPIE MARKER FTW THAT IS AWESOME. *diez*

And yeah, what a great ending! So uplifting.

(I think we all have written spork-worthy stuff. lol!!)

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

knows a spell for making a floating mirror appear, which isn't that remarkable except the incantation is SPECULUM.

*dies* Oh, god, yeah, Latin connections be damned. That's just FUNNY.

Yellow-green robes? Like... the colour of Mr. Clean?

I want to glow in the dark. >_>

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Isn't it hilarious? I nearly died!!

And now I'm imagining Mr. Clean in Hufflepuff. lol.

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

ROFLLLL Mr. Clean is a Hufflepuff. *dies* Yes.

[todayiamadaisy]

Remus Lupin has the wolf-iest name in the world and he's a werewolf; Sirius Black turns out to be a dog; so, arguably, a character called Fierfly turning out to glow in the dark is following established naming precedent.

But yes, no way is any love interest going to gloss over the glowing. That's just freaky.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You're right about the naming. Even though she pronounces it differently, she is totally a glowbug. lol.

And yeah, I think poor Snape's eyebrows would crawl into his hairline with that. ;)

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

Remus Lupin has the wolf-iest name in the world and he's a werewolf; Sirius Black turns out to be a dog; so, arguably, a character called Fierfly turning out to glow in the dark is following established naming precedent.

OMG truth! ;p

Rad.