Sue Profile #10

[valis2]

[Recap: Some of you might remember that at one of the HP conventions, gmonkey42 and I put together a Snape and his Mary Sues presentation. In order to put the presentation together, we had to read a bunch of HP fanfics featuring Sues who were paired with Snape. The other night, I was scribbling notes on scrap paper, and realized that the paper in question was from a printout of the spreadsheet that we built to house the data. And then I started laughing at the quote, and I thought that we really should share the profiles because they're just too much fun not to.]

I'll be the first to admit that the last two weeks' Sues haven't been that interesting. But this one is a true Sue. Read on and weep.

• Name of Sue: Anastasia Twigg, later Anna Twigg-Jones, aka "Twiggy"


• Hair color: Long auburn hair


• Clothing: Motorcycle leathers; a dark purple, black lace edged, deeply scoop-necked gown; sweatpants, sneakers


• Other: Supposedly has a great sense of humor, is a world class practical joker, is almost always late, with NO concept of time; supersensitive hearing


• Exchange student or DADA professor?: Yes, defense


• Outcast or beloved: Beloved; "she's a stunner and way cool"; Gryffindors applaud wildly when she first appears


• Went to Hogwarts with Snape/Marauders?: Yes


• Further education: Auror, fully qualified Healer


• Past relationships: Conveniently deceased Muggle husband who now watches over her in a painting and is a JEENYUS and made a Wolfsbane pill and is curing the Longbottoms as well


• Related to canon character: Is Neville's godmother, apparently saw Ginny when 2 days old, and Hermione's parents are her dead husband's dentists, friends with Remus, knows Rosmerta--I am not listing anything else. She knows everyone. Period.


• Martial arts/sports: Incredible with computers, text messaging, you name it; insanely gifted at dodging spells; extremely physically fit


• Special pet: Harley--see Special Possession


• Special possession: Black and silver Harley that is apparently sentient and will be very displeased if anyone who hasn't been introduced to it tries to sit on it (I am not making this up); black gun


• Moment of totally overblown temper?Her eyes have only to "flash" and Snape stands down


• Totally uncharacteristic Snape moments: In public, Snape calls her a "little girl," and she bitch-slaps Snape, who calls her, a, ahem, "consummate bitch" and then she warns him not to say it again, "DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR," which is also the chapter title (chp 3);
  damn, it turns out it was rehearsed between them(chp 4);
  ugh, she says "ditto";
  even more creepy, her husband is in a painting and is telling her to hit that Snape ass while she can; the real Snape would turn her inside out, I can't take more of this.


• Relationship with Snape: Romance, which they have to keep hidden


• Sue House: Bitchiwitch

Comments

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

Since I don't write I don't see why somebody would "Mary Sue" themselves. Is it insecurity that drives them???

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for posting these, they always give me a good laugh and make my day a little more cheerful. I just feel so safe knowing that all these meta humans are out there, fighting the good fight! *g*

[vampireanneke.livejournal.com]

The name...really?! I guess she put the husband in a painting because atleast they covered that Muggles couldn't become ghosts.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

oh gawd I need brain bleach...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It's hard to explain.

You start by trying to create a character.

You add in things you think are "cool." You don't think about believability or the audience or suspension of disbelief. You just want to create these really cool, dramatic scenes that resonate with you. Sometimes they actually do resonate with the audience, but a lot of times they do not. They're too shallow and too unbelievable. The audience loses touch with them quickly and cannot suspend disbelief.

It's pretty difficult to create characters people care about, seriously. ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! I'm so glad to be of assistance!! *giant hugs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I know, the name slayed me. And the Muggle husband-painting thing, while original, was very very strange.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

That was a good one, wasn't it? lol!!

[randomspectator.livejournal.com]

ooooh good one! I particularly like the 'sentient motorcycle' part!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Isn't it awesome? I loved this one. I have a few more good ones saved, too. *rubs hands together in glee*

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

Oh, I read one that was kind of like this but without the husband part.

OMG I just found it! Good thing I didn't erase my ff.net account and those favorites. lol what things I liked when I first read fanfic. and Snape always calls her "the girl" XD

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! Isn't it awesome to have some lovely badfic saved here and there? I love the verve and the delicious energy. And the lulz are terrific, of course!!

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

... Sentient... motorcycle. SENTIENT MOTORCYCLE?

Also, I hope she doesn't wear all those clothing items together. That would be, um, weird. To say the least.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

ahahah! Seriously. SENTIENT. I'm still goggling, and it's been years.

I love the concept of wearing motorcycle leathers to Hogwarts. Can you imagine what McG would think? LOL!

[thedoingofit.livejournal.com]

Gryffindors applaud wildly when she first appears
Hmmm... I wish my life had an applause track... ;oP

[valis2.livejournal.com]

haha! I'd love a score, actually. Except--no laugh track, please. *grins*