Sue Profile #16

[valis2]

[Recap: Some of you might remember that at one of the HP conventions, gmonkey42 and I put together a Snape and his Mary Sues presentation. In order to put the presentation together, we had to read a bunch of HP fanfics featuring Sues who were paired with Snape. The other night, I was scribbling notes on scrap paper, and realized that the paper in question was from a printout of the spreadsheet that we built to house the data. And then I started laughing at the quote, and I thought that we really should share the profiles because they're just too much fun not to.]

• Name of Sue: Esmerelda Slain [we wish]


• Hair color: dark, short and frizzy


• Clothing: her Halloween costume is an even more Sueish version of herself


• Other: petite; 19 years old, therefore was Snape's student


• Curves in all the right places: yes


• Exchange student or DADA professor?: Snape's teaching assistant


• Outcast or beloved: outcast


• Tragic past: the Sue even says she has a tragic past: her foster parents (THE MALFOYS) disowned her


• House: Gryffindor


• Related to canon character: OH HELL NO the Sue is James' biological daughter and was raised by the Malfoys until they disowned her when they found out she was James' daughter; now she lives with the Weasleys


• Martial arts/sports: was a Gryffindor CHEERLEADER, which was banned before Harry started at Hogwarts


• Special pet: she befriends Padfoot, except she initially thinks he's female and she names him Rosie; when she finds out it's Sirius she somehow knows he's innocent


• Moment of totally overblown temper?: yep


• Totally uncharacteristic Snape moments: tolerates the Sue calling him Severus, Sev, Sevvie, etc.; whines and calls her a brat instead of actually trying to stop her; then he starts trying to kill her and keeps FAILING


• Relationship with Snape: ROMCOM, except this is only part 1 and she hasn't yet gotten to the part where they stop flirting/pretending they hate each other


• Other: the entire fic is just an excuse for the author to write what she thinks is witty rapartee between the Sue and various male characters and to rewrite all of book 3 so the Sue saves the day and gets Sirius exonerated


• Sue House: Bitchiwitch

Comments

[valis2.livejournal.com]

ahahahahah!!!! OMG I AM DYING. Yes. As soon as Lucius saw those...ahem...Gryffindor pom-poms, he threw her out on her arse. LOL!!