Oh, I have to share the torture.
Mar. 21st, 2005 07:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2I have about ten minutes left before I leave for work. Instead of doing something productive I'm looking for new SS stories at ffnet. Stop laughing...sometimes there are one or two that make it worth the search.
Just found one with this line:
"However," [Voldemort] added as he stopped in front of the onyx, shoulder-length haired man, "some of you have failed to bring information of happenings at Hogwarts. Therefore, you shall be reprimanded with much more torture."
Hahahaha!! So now Severus is actually made out of onyx. I wonder what the torture is. Someone with a chisel?
And that's not all. Act now and you'll receive this astonishing passage free of charge...this is from an OFC's POV...
Wonder what kind of meeting Snape is at, she thought dryly as to cloud her mind with thoughts to help her stay awake.
"Perhaps a "Knit Your Own Jumpers" meeting," she mumbled to herself jokingly. "Or a reading session where he reads books to little children."
She laughed out loud in glee as she humored herself with the picture of Severus Snape sitting in a chair reading to little kids, clad in a shirt that stated "I Love Children." She was having way too much fun. But then a picture of him topless sprouted into her mind. She noted his taut abs and formed muscles but shook her head instantly after that. Where the hell did that come from? She asked herself wildly.
I don't know about you, but I'm not really prone to asking myself rhetorical questions wildly, honest. I love how she imagines Severus topless and then "notes" his physical beauty and is surprised by it, even though she's the one who imagined it.
The author definitely has promise, is earnest, but has a definite case of Mary Sue-itis.
Oh, and as if this wasn't enough, "orbs" is in the third paragraph of the first chapter. Oh, I have to quote it...
The dark orbs that shone into his soul were blocked off. Blocked off by unhappiness and loneliness. But that was the way he preferred it.
Not only are they orbs, but they see inward as well. Wow.
And one more for the road:
Jocelyn turned her chestnut colored head to her good friend, Madame Rosmerta.
Oh, this is just too amusing for words.
ETA: Argh! I've found another one! Check out these lines:
[Ron] read and read again the letter. That was really his Potions teacher.
Insatiable Snape.
Ron and Severus and not even in a relationship at this moment. "Insatiable" makes no sense whatsoever.
When [Severus] saw that the 22 years old young man was also looking at him, he looked away.
Ron sat down. He waited until the Professor had finished correcting the "copies"
- You wanted to see me, professor?
- Call me Severus. And stop looking at me like that!! I'm not an escaped insane killer!!
Hahaha...
Just found one with this line:
"However," [Voldemort] added as he stopped in front of the onyx, shoulder-length haired man, "some of you have failed to bring information of happenings at Hogwarts. Therefore, you shall be reprimanded with much more torture."
Hahahaha!! So now Severus is actually made out of onyx. I wonder what the torture is. Someone with a chisel?
And that's not all. Act now and you'll receive this astonishing passage free of charge...this is from an OFC's POV...
Wonder what kind of meeting Snape is at, she thought dryly as to cloud her mind with thoughts to help her stay awake.
"Perhaps a "Knit Your Own Jumpers" meeting," she mumbled to herself jokingly. "Or a reading session where he reads books to little children."
She laughed out loud in glee as she humored herself with the picture of Severus Snape sitting in a chair reading to little kids, clad in a shirt that stated "I Love Children." She was having way too much fun. But then a picture of him topless sprouted into her mind. She noted his taut abs and formed muscles but shook her head instantly after that. Where the hell did that come from? She asked herself wildly.
I don't know about you, but I'm not really prone to asking myself rhetorical questions wildly, honest. I love how she imagines Severus topless and then "notes" his physical beauty and is surprised by it, even though she's the one who imagined it.
The author definitely has promise, is earnest, but has a definite case of Mary Sue-itis.
Oh, and as if this wasn't enough, "orbs" is in the third paragraph of the first chapter. Oh, I have to quote it...
The dark orbs that shone into his soul were blocked off. Blocked off by unhappiness and loneliness. But that was the way he preferred it.
Not only are they orbs, but they see inward as well. Wow.
And one more for the road:
Jocelyn turned her chestnut colored head to her good friend, Madame Rosmerta.
Oh, this is just too amusing for words.
ETA: Argh! I've found another one! Check out these lines:
[Ron] read and read again the letter. That was really his Potions teacher.
Insatiable Snape.
Ron and Severus and not even in a relationship at this moment. "Insatiable" makes no sense whatsoever.
When [Severus] saw that the 22 years old young man was also looking at him, he looked away.
Ron sat down. He waited until the Professor had finished correcting the "copies"
- You wanted to see me, professor?
- Call me Severus. And stop looking at me like that!! I'm not an escaped insane killer!!
Hahaha...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:19 pm (UTC)Ick.
Actually I've recently seen several where he cheerfully imparts the wisdoms of potty training to some Ss/HG spawn. Without the use of the Cruciatus curse.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:21 pm (UTC)I hope I never see one of those. Ugh.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 06:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:31 pm (UTC)Why am I drawn to a visual of Snape with Palantirs for eyes? And because they keep glowing in the dark and Sue wants to sleep, she puts a pillow cover over his head.
Onyx Snape? Where can I buy one? I'd set it up in the garden and maybe then, the damn birds wouldn't keep eating dad's strawberries. Plus, I'm sure it'd make the property value go up.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:36 pm (UTC)Y'know, if Onyx Snape were anatomically correct, he could be a big hit with the ladies...
Now I can't stop thinking...WWOSD?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:53 pm (UTC)Y'know, if Onyx Snape were anatomically correct, he could be a big hit with the ladies...
And the birds! I can just imagine a row of twittering sparrows perched on his, er, onyx proboscis. I would install a feeder there, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:38 pm (UTC)So long as it's the Cruciatus Curse, and not more of this drivel, fine.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:39 pm (UTC)Reprimanding someone with torture is a bit of a strange concept from the start.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 12:52 pm (UTC)*thinks dirty thoughts*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 02:00 pm (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 03:31 pm (UTC)Ron sat down. He waited until the Professor had finished correcting the "copies"
- You wanted to see me, professor?
- Call me Severus. And stop looking at me like that!! Surely you don't think I'm an escaped insane killer!!
- Well you look like one to me- and stop calling me Shirley!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 04:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 09:22 pm (UTC)And it's not just her hair, apparantly it's her whole head.
*runs for cover from the strange chestnut-headed sue!mutant*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-23 06:30 pm (UTC)He's sooo worth it, isn't he?:D
If only someone could tell me who made that icon so that I could credit them... :-/
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-21 06:21 pm (UTC)This made me guffaw. As did "Insatiable Severus." Bwaaahahahahaha. In fact, it looks as if you stumbled upon a bad-Snape goldmine.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 12:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 06:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 11:41 pm (UTC)Heh...a good challenge for
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 03:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-24 11:24 pm (UTC)Too amusing for words?
Date: 2005-03-22 07:56 pm (UTC)So...Does that passage beat my infamous: "Tossed her head over her shoulder..."?
Just wondering if I'm still the reigning champ.
Re: Too amusing for words?
Date: 2005-03-22 11:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 09:21 pm (UTC)Am I the only one imagining the onyx Snape to be rather like the statue of the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves?
As for her chestnut coloured head, well frankly I'm not as concerned about that one as Ron's That was really his Potions teacher.
Insatiable Snape. which sounds like it should be accompanied by the kind of noises/gestures usually made by fangirls when Alan Rickman does something vaguely suggestive.
(By the way, am here from pen_and_umbra's LJ since I was informed you were the one behind the genius that is the word 'glowersome' *grins*)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-22 11:43 pm (UTC)Hello! *waves*
I don't know if I would use the word genius, though.
Obsessed...bizarre...entranced by the Potions master...