Sue Profile #27: The Final Sue: Clothes are for jerks

[valis2]

This one is not to be missed. One of my favorites! And it's the final Sue, sorry to say.

(Well, at least for now. This is the last Sue from the spreadsheet. I might be inspired sometime later in the year to go Sue-hunting again. You never know...)

[Recap: Some of you might remember that at one of the HP conventions, gmonkey42 and I put together a Snape and his Mary Sues presentation. In order to put the presentation together, we had to read a bunch of HP fanfics featuring Sues who were paired with Snape. The other night, I was scribbling notes on scrap paper, and realized that the paper in question was from a printout of the spreadsheet that we built to house the data. And then I started laughing at the quote, and I thought that we really should share the profiles because they're just too much fun not to.]

• Name of Sue: Scarlet Lennon


• Eye color: vibrant purple eyes with flecks of silver


• Hair color: chin-length, deep blue hair


• Markings: skin so pale it was almost white; and glossy red lips


• Clothing: loose black jeans and a plain black t-shirt; long-sleeved, mesh top under a short black t-shirt with a skull and crossbones on the front that showed off her mesh-covered stomach, the chunky black books she had worn with her jeans over, a pair of thigh-high red and black striped socks, and a short black skirt.


• Nationality: American


• Exchange student or DADA professor?: Exchange student somehow, 7th year


• Outcast or beloved: Beloved by both Gryffs & Slytherins


• Went to Hogwarts with Snape/Marauders?: No


• Past relationships: Ravenclaw boyfriend


• House: Slytherin


• Unique magic ability: Fantastic potions student--in her first year was better than NEWT students


• Special possession: Necklace with a blue sapphire given at birth; iPod that works at Hogwarts (all electrical things now work due to Bubblehead Charms)


• Totally uncharacteristic Snape moments:
  • "You wanted me to tutor you in Potions, Miss Lennon?” [Snape] asked curiously. “I don’t see that there’s really any point. You are the only person who managed to brew a correct Blood Bane Potion, one of the best I’ve seen, mind you, and the way you work has the excellence and grace of a professional Potionmaker.”
  
  
  • “Never give up hope, Scarlet,” Snape said, staring her directly in the eyes. “Don’t sink into despair, whatever you do."
  
  
  • while drunk, Snape says: “I jus’ had shower, an’… clothes are for jerks.”


• Relationship with Snape: Totally seduces Snape


• Other:
  • Blue sapphire necklace suddenly changes into a time turner and sends her back ten years into the past
  
  
  • sings Octopus's Garden while entering Trelawney's classroom
  
  
  • Ron immediately asks her to date him, and even though she's angry at him, she says yes
  
  
  • “Actually,” Scarlet said tentatively [to Harry], “I asked the professors and they showed me what grades I had – then when they were looking away I looked at Hermione’s grades, just to see. I’m actually better than her at nearly all of the classes we both take.”
  
  
  • eats at the Gryff table even though she's a Slytherin
  
  
  • shouts DAAAAAAAMN when she sees Snape because he is so fine
  
  
  • Author's note: "Here's another chapter! Please, nobody review or PM me about my sketchy use of time-travel changing the future in this chapter. It's all extremely confusing and I'd rather not think about it."
  
  
  • she throws a dragon's heart in Snape's face and shouts HEY ARSE-FACE to get detention


• Sue House: Bitchiwitch

Hope you enjoyed the Parade of Sues! It's been a lot of fun!

Comments

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

I so totally want to read all of these stories now, just for the lulz.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Some of them are just so...awful. But some of them have disappeared...I picked older ones on purpose, you see, so there would be less chance that they would be found.

[tjs-whatnot.livejournal.com]

wkfjsda;ljfs;dlkjf

Clothes are for jerks!

Well, I do believe that is Snape's like, motto or something. ;))

Oh god! This (and all the rest) are like cracktastic GOLD! Where did you find them all? Wait, I don't think I want to know.

♥

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Isn't that the best line? omg, I laughed and laughed.

And I found them all on ff.net (though I'm sure this doesn't surprise you). Best Sue technique? Type in an angsty word to the search box--but misspell it. lol. Brings in the Sues nearly every time.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

I swear all Sues shop at the same damn store.

I think clothing gives away a sue. LOL

I wonder if Sues like this are all the fantasy of a 14 year old girl.

[gmonkey42.livejournal.com]

And that store is called Hot Topic.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

I've been in a hot topic...LOL.

[quoshara.livejournal.com]

Hey, even at MY advanced age, I've shopped in Hot Topic. *L* I have the loveliest pair of MaryJanes with skulls for buckles. I just couldn't resist.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Nothing fit..alas. Given the -uhm- larger size of younger women these days, they still did not have anything that would fit me. Also Too Gryffindor. Too much money for something I'd consider (example, I'd pay 10 bucks for this but not 30!) or something comparable bought elsewhere (I am strange this way). Did not carry womens 10s in shoes either. Hot topic is a no go for me. -sighs- But I have a sewing machine!! LOL.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

HAHAH! YES.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

The clothing often does give the Sue away, oh yes. When I wrote my guide to writing fanfic, I pointed out that unless the exact height of someone's heel becomes a plot point, it was best to just say "high heels." I'm so sick of reading that the Sue is wearing 6" heels, and has four coats of mascara, and a shuriken hidden in the sleeve of her jacket...

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

... Is it wrong that I'm laughing the hardest at "Octopus's Garden" and HEY ARSE-FACE?

Because, yes.

Although the ridiculous appearance of the Sue deserves at least (dis)honourable mention.

I read the "clothes are for jerks" line and thought of an icon of mine. *uses it*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

The Octopus's Garden thing was completely...bwuh, you know? I almost left it out because it was so weird.

The "HEY ARSE-FACE" line is the #1 reason this was the final Sue. There were other good Sues, but this one line tipped this one over the edge and made it the last. :)

[springheel-jack.livejournal.com]

Craziest one yet.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Isn't it? I just laughed and laughed when I was reading it. A really great Sue, seriously.

[gmonkey42.livejournal.com]

I love how you can tell how bad the fic is by how specific and detailed the description of the Sue's outfit is.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, there has to be some sort of proportional equation involved, I swear, because it really seems to directly correlate. lol! I want a graph now.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_vocalion_/]

I've enjoyed these profiles. Author's notes always nail things on the head, don't they? It can be trying to write about confusing matters and actually have to think about them. :-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

The author's note is such a classic! I mean, seriously, if you can't even understand your own plotting, then maybe it's time to rethink the whole thing, lol.

[todayiamadaisy]

This is all colour, isn't it: purple eyes (with silver flecks), blue hair, red lips, named Scarlet. No wonder I misread her surname as Lemon.

Was Snape saying clothes are for jerks while naked? Because that's a staff disciplinary action waiting to happen.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was wondering about the overall look of her as a character, and thinking anime. lol.

I can't remember about the Snape scene. I think he was talking to McG, which also might have been an issue. lol

[lady-branwyn.livejournal.com]

it's all extremely confusing and I'd rather not think about it
Yeah, I feel that way about a lot of things.
The parade of Sues has been quite a spectacle!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

haha!

Yeah, I thought this was a fun weekly thing! Now I have to come up with something new. :)

[westernredcedar.livejournal.com]

DAAAAAAAMN

[valis2.livejournal.com]

ahahahah! omg, yes, exactly. *grins*

[sigune.livejournal.com]

Whenever I read your Sue profiles, I thought about the good fortune that made that there was no Internet available back when I was cooking up Sue stories... I have mine neatly written down in notebooks :P. Though I do think Brynhild wouldn't be out of place in Bitchiwitch House.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, I count my lucky stars on a regular basis that there wasn't an internet available then. I never would have left the house, for one thing, and I would have posted waaay too much awful stuff, and then I would have been hysterical from flames. lol!

Brynhild might stop occasionally and visit Bitchiwitch, but she wouldn't be a resident. Definitely not. *nodnod*

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

You did save the best for last. It's frightening how much of oneself people put into these things...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It really is, isn't it? This was amazing to behold, seriously.

[thedoingofit.livejournal.com]

I might be inspired sometime later in the year to go Sue-hunting again.
;oP Oh, I certainly hope so! *bounces*

“I jus’ had shower, an’… clothes are for jerks.”
LOLOLOLOL. Things I shouldn't read at work because they'll make me start laughing uncontrollably: THIS. :DDD

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I really did enjoy doing these entries, and people seem to like them, so I might do it again. I just have to see how my free time is. :)

And YES--that line is a classic! I remember almost snorting something I was drinking when I read that. hahaha!