Hahaha!!! *gasp* hahaha!

[valis2]

Was looking at the Awards on pottersues, and realized there was one I missed.

This one is a HP/BtVS/Hercules/Ranma 1/2 crossover. No, seriously.

And there is a character in it named...wait for it...Fragrance.

Two lines that made me nearly wet myself:

Fragrance threw her orange hair over her shoulder angrily.

Fragrance pulled up her pants, before climbing into the tree, to watch out for the intruders.

ahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!! Yeah, yeah, I get it, there's a character named Shampoo in the Ranma series, but it still made me howl.

This fic reminds me exactly of the stuff I wrote in junior high school. I mean, exactly. If HP/BtVS/etc. had existed at that time, it probably would have been identical.

More nuggets of astonishing prose:

She cursed silently in her mind as she had to tighten the pants one more time around her lanky frame. She stood in proud 5’5 foot tall, something that many of the short amazons couldn’t say. She had fiery crimson eyes and flaming weird shade of orange in her hair.

Next time I see my stylist I am so asking for the color flaming weird shade of orange.

AHAHA!! Harry and...er...Snape? wander into the forest, and Fragrance sees them, thinking...

These men would be excellent extra to the amazons. They could obliviously bring fresh, powerful blood into the tribe.

*wipes tears* I have to stop now or I'll never go to bed.

Comments

[snapesforte.livejournal.com]

Mwhahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yep, I had the same reaction. *giggles*

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

I have flaming weird orange hair. It's called Mediteranean Passion by Clairol.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Fascinating! And are you proud 5'5 foot tall as well?

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

No, I'm a shameful 5'7", and my eyes are only one colour, not a rainbow of peculiar greens...

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wanna see Snape kidnapped for a sperm donor. akd;lsfjkl;

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Argh! Don't make me actually get something of value from this awful fic!!

Too late. Now I'm thinking of how funny that story could be. Ugh.

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

I love the way teenyboppers think there is something inherently sexy about red eyes. I get red eyes when I've hung one on, the night before, and hereby state, it is not sexy.

I read one frightful Snapesue early on in fandom, who was

*yawn*

The new DADA. And was also possessed by a fire demon, and at one point in the story she hulked out, and her eyes turned orange.

And Snape still shagged her in chapter 10 (and while we are on, it's always chapter 10 - can't Suethors just dispense with the faux sexual tension and get them going in chapter 1 - so that if the pr0n is crap, I do not have to waste 9 chapters). Whereas the real Snape would have sidled off after seeing the fiery eyeballs, to find the right hex to despatch her permanently.

Fiery crimson eyes. Not teh pretteh.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Whereas the real Snape would have sidled off after seeing the fiery eyeballs

Yes, especially since they probably remind him of someone who (I'm fairly certain, in canon at least) doesn't really inspire him sexually, and, in fact, probably provokes the opposite reaction.

"hulked out"...what a great expression! What is it about Sues and their attempts to write temper as the most important of qualities? They always seem to substitute overwhelming anger for more logical emotions.

[zoepaleologa.livejournal.com]

For crap anger, read feisty. Feisty Sues make me bad tempered.*

When I hear this:

"I've made her so that she will give Snape what for/as good as she gets/she'll be a match for him"...

I know a few things:

1. If she triumphs over his grumpiness in an early chapter, then it's not Snape. It's a pod person.

2. She cannot possibly give him as good as she gets. Because invariably she's either a wimp, or a hag. And whichever it is, he'd kill her. And why is Snape always so ready to allow some hellish female to dog his every movement, anyway?

3. Wangsty past: dead parents/husband/lover/kids/sister/bruv in an attempt to get under his crusty exterior.

4. They are rarely a match for Snape. That's because the majority of them patently would not exist in conditions of any reality. And most of the Feisty Sues I've met, would actually have trouble carting a heavy matchbox across a small room unaided.

*yes, I know. I mean more bad tempered than usual.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

1. Yep.

2. Absolutely!!

3. This I am absolutely guilty of, though I tried to tone it down.

4. Exactly. The thing is, when I first started writing I came up with a Sueish character. Then, after finding out about Sues, I decided that she was too Sueish. So I rewrote her in my head to be more of what I though Severus would want in a woman, or what would be a good match.

Then I though, scratch it. I want a character, a character that I can only tell this story through, an interesting character, and hopefully she'll...inspire him to take a chance. I've crossed my fingers that I've succeeded.

[agatha-s.livejournal.com]

I didn't know pulling up one's pants helps with watching out for intruders. Useful to know.

*pulls up her pants*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You can't catch an intruder with drooping jeans! Proven fact. Though for just watching for them it does seem a little odd. ;)

[morricone1900.livejournal.com]

Is this what you meant when you said you only liked UNINTENTIONALLY funny fanfiction? ;)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Bingo! ;)

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

*wheeze* For the love of God, warn a gal when you post something like that! ::apologizes to cats and computer as i wipe Code Red off of them::
Too funny! You know, i'm not a writer but after seeing that, i'm wondering what the hell is stopping me!

::tosses hat into air:: I'm gonna make it after all!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Wasn't that amusing? Yes, read a Sue and then you'll see that not only is an enjoyable read attainable, it's more attainable than it seems.

[bat-git.livejournal.com]

Are we talking "Run Lola Run" hair or "The Fifth Element" hair.

I can just imagine some sue spouting "chick-kan!" at random intervals..

0_o

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Mul-tee-pass!! MULTIPASS!!

One of my favorite movies of all time.

[cantatrix05.livejournal.com]

She stood in proud 5’5 foot tall, something that many of the short amazons couldn’t say.

So there is an entire race of miget amazons (like jumbo shrimp) with speech impediments?

They could obliviously bring fresh, powerful blood into the tribe.

Do you think she means 'obviously' or is she really planning on rendering them oblivious and milking them for their seed?

Totally agree about the 'red eye' weird out.

Reading these make me wonder why I agonize so much about every syllable and then still lack nerve to post it. Knowledge of grammar is such a cruel mistress.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

haha!

Yeah, after I read something like this I feel inordinately proud of myself for a few minutes for having mastered basic sentences. *giggle*