Snape Dogma 05

[valis2]

While I was driving I had this thought about Snapefic.

Dogma 95 was a set of rules meant to revitalize artistic filmmaking. There were several rules, including using only natural light sources, no filters, no music unless it naturally occurred during filming, hand-held cameras, etc. (About Dogma 95 and Rules of Dogma 95)

I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun to have a set of rules like that for writing Snapefic? You know, post a set of "Vows" and promise to uphold them.

So of course my Snape-obsessed brain would not leave the idea alone and all weekend I kept thinking of vows.



In the interest of preserving a high quality level of Snape fanfiction, I propose this set of Vows for myself.

When writing Snape!fic, I promise:

• ...to keep his physical appearance as close to canon as possible. Greasy hair, thin fingers, yellow skin, yellow/crooked teeth, yeah, yeah, yeah.


• ...to garb him in black robes. Dare I even say billowing black robes? Oh, yes.


• ...to keep talents and weaknesses as verified in canon. Gifted at Occlumency? Check. Legilimens? Check. Talented at potions? Check. Bitter about the Marauders? Check. Suspicious? Check.


• ...to keep his dry wit and dark sarcasm.


• ...to explore the possibilities that canon leaves open for me.


• ...to keep his background plausible.


• ...to keep his control tightly wound, except in moments of true, unrelenting stress relating to his childhood.


• ...to make his relationships with other teachers believable.


• ...to remember how much he wanted that Order of Merlin in PoA.


• ...to incorporate canon truths as much as possible into my fanfiction writing.

When writing Snape!fic, I will not:

• ...make him wear a 'glamour' that disguises his True Beauty because otherwise he'd have to whack the students with sticks to get them away from him.


• ...make him smell like some inordinately sweet and intoxicating scent just so the Love Interest can catch a whiff and swoon.


• ...force him into Muggle clothes.


• ...make him into a vampire or dhampiel. Or even a quarter-vampire. Or an angel. Or a demon.


• ...suddenly give him a son/daughter that enrolls in Hogwarts. (Surprise, dad!)


• ...render him speechless because my OC said something to him that I thought was "witty".


• ...make him a virgin with Astonishing Sexual Powers.


• ...give him dialogue that sounds as if he's swallowed a thesaurus. He speaks well, certainly, but not that well. He uses contractions. Honest.


• ...give him strange Muggle hobbies like playing Brahms lullabies on a harpsichord.


• ...give him telepathic powers or a "life-bond" or a "love-bond" or a "soul-bond" with another.


• ...have a perky OFC 'win him over' with her excessive good cheer or her feisty spunky attitude.


• ...give him a ridiculously angsty background replete with physical abuse and torture.


• ...give him Snape Manor, complete with more trappings and more wealth than even Lucius Malfoy can imagine.


• ...give him a ridiculous family tree. Dumbledore will not be his grandfather. Voldemort will not be his grandfather. He will not be related to Harry Potter. He will not be a special magical Heir to anything.
  
• ...give him any special mysterious magical item that does not fit into the canon world. He will not possess some sort of amazing object that has been passed down through generations from Salazar himself.


• ...make him an expert in martial arts or weapons.


• ...make him fluffy, yearning, and sweet without a Personality-Changing Potion.


• ...have him perform a non-consensual sexual act with an OFC and then later that evening...or ever, actually...have them fall in love.


• ...bring an American OFC to Hogwarts for little reason other than to have her become Snape's One True Love.


• ...make him speak of his shortcomings and weaknesses without Veritaserum, or a prolonged relationship first.


• ...have any elves wandering about Hogwarts except for house-elves. There will be no Elf or Half-elf teacher mysteriously joining the staff.


• ...have an attractive Muggle Studies or DADA teacher who makes Snape's brain melt due to her overwhelming loveliness.


• ...write a storyline where he kills Voldemort.


• ...give him a mysterious power that isn't supported in canon. No fireballs from his fingertips. No telekinesis.


• ...be tempted to turn his private chambers into a Slytherin Love Boudoir complete with giant round rotating bed and disco ball.

Disclaimer: I'm certain that I can't be the first person to have thought of this; I just thought it would be fun.

Even More Important Disclaimer: And yes, I realize that meaningful, moving, and funny Snape!fics can be and have been written, absolutely, disregarding all of these Vows at once. These are just my Vows...disregard them as you wish!

Vows of your own? Comment and share.

Comments

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[straussmonster.livejournal.com]

I'm honestly not being bitchy here (honestly!) but I just don't understand the derivation of Snape being a totally fascinating guy who tells great stories, and Lupin (as Black's dead and thus his story is finished) being completely boring. We don't exactly know that Snape is into art, books, writing or organic farming *either*. There's a corresponding gap in the actual text for both characters as to personal likes and dislikes, great elaborations of personality, etc.

I've read accounts from people who find everything about Lupin to be utterly fascinating and amazingly complex in all areas (try copperbadge for the Lupin Love), and I don't understand where that comes from either. Is it just a point of personal preference, but one that's not text-anchored and thus incommensurate? From their actual actions in the text both Lupin and Snape are pretty 2-D (Lupin is pleasant and quiet, Snape makes nasty comments and is unfair to Gryffindors, repeat ad nauseam), but become more 3-D from what is implied could possibly have happened/be going on, and some of the things that are hard to fit together, the mistakes made, etc.

I think I'm being far too text-based and less speculative and imaginative here, so I think I'll bow out.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

Actually I am being only text based here: No fanonish stuff.

People who whine about their fate (Lupin and Sirius) are inherently boring to me. Makes me say "So what"? And sorry, people who offer tea, and then apologise for it beingin a teabag deserve a pop around the head.

Having been a VISTA teacher, on teh other hand, makes me appreciate the craziness of students, teachers and how they interact.

I don't think Snape is into art, kulcher or whatevber. But tangent was about the fact that othr than being being part of Harry's father's past, and then having screwed up, boring lives, Remus and Sirius are Teh Sux.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[straussmonster.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I missed the part where Lupin was whining about his fate, unless you automatically want to consider a fairly stoic and inexpressive pose about some genuinely shitty knocks to be 'whining'. (Sirius does complain, but I think he's also suffered more overt injustice than almost anyone else in the series, unless you want to compare some genuinely asshole schooldays bullying to a stay in Azkaban with the physical/mental incarnations of clinical depression.) Is Snape's lament of "Have you forgotten, Headmaster..." then whining, or a justified complaint? Without an understanding of "My memory is as good...", it's really hard to tell. Heh.

I don't really understand Lupin, though, as we have this big hole in his past and missing information for some important points in his life. He has some definite potential for future engagement if she feels like using him, and he's one of our few glimpses into a particular past (as an Order member, for one) that's left to us. If one were inclined to make massive projections into his missing 12-something years, it might well be more interesting or less interesting than Snape's tenure at Hogwarts. But you can't say that you're basing any of that on the text, because there ain't any for it.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

unless you want to compare some genuinely asshole schooldays bullying to a stay in Azkaban with the physical/mental incarnations of clinical depression.)

The argument then would be that since Sirius was capable of murdering a fellow student, and since it was covered up, that Sirius got what he deserved, just as Snape's bullying was surely deserved because hey, he said Mudblood and was a greasy nerd.

Is Snape's lament of "Have you forgotten, Headmaster..." then whining, or a justified complaint?

One wonders. Snape has not forgotten, and being forced to make medcine for a someone who is seen as nothing more than a favored bully could be seen as a justified complaint.

That's in the text.

But the thing is, all of these adults are simply incapable of forgiveness, or acknowldeging any shame or humilty at all. Not Remus, who is ready to point out jealousy, noty Sirius who was ready to put out how cool he was while being a favored bully, and certainly not Snape, who resents not having his pain acknowledged by seeminlgy anyone who cares.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[straussmonster.livejournal.com]

I think there's a very different model of causality being discussed in your first two examples. Sirius going to Azkaban as punishment for the so-called Prank (which we still need information on) is an invocation of a karma model wherein bad actions will haunt you later. What I dislike about the invocation of it is that it offers punishment as a disconnect from actions; you might as well say that Snape deserves everything he suffers for having been a DE at one time. Snape being bullied for saying "Mudblood" is not something that he deserves but it is causally tracable as being escalated precisely because of his actions. Again, a situation where I suspect we see not all.