Snape Dogma 05

[valis2]

While I was driving I had this thought about Snapefic.

Dogma 95 was a set of rules meant to revitalize artistic filmmaking. There were several rules, including using only natural light sources, no filters, no music unless it naturally occurred during filming, hand-held cameras, etc. (About Dogma 95 and Rules of Dogma 95)

I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun to have a set of rules like that for writing Snapefic? You know, post a set of "Vows" and promise to uphold them.

So of course my Snape-obsessed brain would not leave the idea alone and all weekend I kept thinking of vows.



In the interest of preserving a high quality level of Snape fanfiction, I propose this set of Vows for myself.

When writing Snape!fic, I promise:

• ...to keep his physical appearance as close to canon as possible. Greasy hair, thin fingers, yellow skin, yellow/crooked teeth, yeah, yeah, yeah.


• ...to garb him in black robes. Dare I even say billowing black robes? Oh, yes.


• ...to keep talents and weaknesses as verified in canon. Gifted at Occlumency? Check. Legilimens? Check. Talented at potions? Check. Bitter about the Marauders? Check. Suspicious? Check.


• ...to keep his dry wit and dark sarcasm.


• ...to explore the possibilities that canon leaves open for me.


• ...to keep his background plausible.


• ...to keep his control tightly wound, except in moments of true, unrelenting stress relating to his childhood.


• ...to make his relationships with other teachers believable.


• ...to remember how much he wanted that Order of Merlin in PoA.


• ...to incorporate canon truths as much as possible into my fanfiction writing.

When writing Snape!fic, I will not:

• ...make him wear a 'glamour' that disguises his True Beauty because otherwise he'd have to whack the students with sticks to get them away from him.


• ...make him smell like some inordinately sweet and intoxicating scent just so the Love Interest can catch a whiff and swoon.


• ...force him into Muggle clothes.


• ...make him into a vampire or dhampiel. Or even a quarter-vampire. Or an angel. Or a demon.


• ...suddenly give him a son/daughter that enrolls in Hogwarts. (Surprise, dad!)


• ...render him speechless because my OC said something to him that I thought was "witty".


• ...make him a virgin with Astonishing Sexual Powers.


• ...give him dialogue that sounds as if he's swallowed a thesaurus. He speaks well, certainly, but not that well. He uses contractions. Honest.


• ...give him strange Muggle hobbies like playing Brahms lullabies on a harpsichord.


• ...give him telepathic powers or a "life-bond" or a "love-bond" or a "soul-bond" with another.


• ...have a perky OFC 'win him over' with her excessive good cheer or her feisty spunky attitude.


• ...give him a ridiculously angsty background replete with physical abuse and torture.


• ...give him Snape Manor, complete with more trappings and more wealth than even Lucius Malfoy can imagine.


• ...give him a ridiculous family tree. Dumbledore will not be his grandfather. Voldemort will not be his grandfather. He will not be related to Harry Potter. He will not be a special magical Heir to anything.
  
• ...give him any special mysterious magical item that does not fit into the canon world. He will not possess some sort of amazing object that has been passed down through generations from Salazar himself.


• ...make him an expert in martial arts or weapons.


• ...make him fluffy, yearning, and sweet without a Personality-Changing Potion.


• ...have him perform a non-consensual sexual act with an OFC and then later that evening...or ever, actually...have them fall in love.


• ...bring an American OFC to Hogwarts for little reason other than to have her become Snape's One True Love.


• ...make him speak of his shortcomings and weaknesses without Veritaserum, or a prolonged relationship first.


• ...have any elves wandering about Hogwarts except for house-elves. There will be no Elf or Half-elf teacher mysteriously joining the staff.


• ...have an attractive Muggle Studies or DADA teacher who makes Snape's brain melt due to her overwhelming loveliness.


• ...write a storyline where he kills Voldemort.


• ...give him a mysterious power that isn't supported in canon. No fireballs from his fingertips. No telekinesis.


• ...be tempted to turn his private chambers into a Slytherin Love Boudoir complete with giant round rotating bed and disco ball.

Disclaimer: I'm certain that I can't be the first person to have thought of this; I just thought it would be fun.

Even More Important Disclaimer: And yes, I realize that meaningful, moving, and funny Snape!fics can be and have been written, absolutely, disregarding all of these Vows at once. These are just my Vows...disregard them as you wish!

Vows of your own? Comment and share.

Comments

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

Oh, I never thought that Snape was humble! NOt at all! Remus is the one with all falso self effacement, but certainly not Snape.

What I meant, and I think you get it, is taht snape is a guy who says "Great. I can do my work while doing xyz,while whistling 'God Save the Queen' out of my ass, but if somebody breaks out of prison, some twerp who does not deserve to clean my shoe with his tongue, you expect me to help them?"

Snape is a person who has had to work and study very hard for recognition, and seems very resentful at people who (seemingly) do not lift a finger to help themsleves. What's worse, hsi employer seems to not see the anger and resentment, and stupidly blunders with his relationship with him. ( which I think just devolve with that scene you describe in PoA. With what we know now about Snape being able to tell if someone lies to him, finding someone you thought was'on your side' lie to you in your face is something not readily forgettable, nor forgivable).

And I think that the high level potions stuff, where even Remus remarks upon, may be the result of someone doing a craft for about 18 years or so. I could not tell mitochondria from retroactive RNA when I started school, and Iam sure that your music knowledge was just as progressive.


So: Snape. Skilled wizard, quite skilled as potions brewer, quite skilled in other things, but not really a wunderkind, like Harry and all the other Golkden people from the books are.

In short, Snape is perfectly normal, and quite sane.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[straussmonster.livejournal.com]

We're back to our old argument--I think the timeline supports Snape going out on his own to try to get Sirius Kissed when Dumbledore has told him so much as "Won't you trust me here?", and hence when Snape makes an ass out of himself (when he could have sat back and trusted in his employer who gave him an essential second chance), he has no one to blame but himself.

Or perhaps it's the seemingly that is the crux of the matter, for Snape seems to be someone so confident in his own opinions that contrary evidence is easily done away with. (Not to mention his conviction throughout PoA that it's really all about him.)

So if Snape can tell if someone is lying to him or not, why is he so intent upon shutting up Hermione both times she's begging with him? If he can tell that someone is lying to him, wouldn't he know that Black and Lupin aren't? Is he sincere or not in saying that the children have been Confounded in the Hospital Wing--if he knows when he's being lied to...wouldn't he also then *know* that Dumbledore is telling him to chill? More questions raised than answered when you try to work this out completely logically, alas.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[jillojillo.livejournal.com]

Snape didn't have time to perform occlumency on the kids at the heat of the moment did he? (too busy confronting Sirius and Lupin who get his emotions boiling). I didn't remember a instance where Snape is free to bore into Hermione's eyes or something, even if he did, he get the 'truth' of what Lupin and Sirius fed her, why would he believe that?

Just inserting my own reading: I always think Snape suspected the truth but he was too blind by his vengeful indignation toward Sirius that he wanted to be prove right too much. He has a very good case not believing the suppose-true story right about Sirius (the everyone-thought-as-truth evidence + plus past experience of Sirius being murderous, hey if Sirius want to be effortlessly convinced as a innocent man he should acted like one, and understand what goes around comes around, smartass!). It's the same psychology as let say, some rabid Snape-haters, like how they wanted so badly Snape turn out to be totally evil, cannot ever stand that aggravating fact that Snape can ever be right sometimes or possessed any bits of brilliance and importance so they can hate him in peace. Maybe Snape initially did a dance of joy when he knew about the tragic demise of the Mauraders group of so-called friends. He got the karma jusitic knowing that these people betrayed each other and led to their own doom. When that Sirius has escaped, it'd be icing on cake to catch him himself. But then now the shocking news is Sirius maybe innocent, his revenge was spoiled and he was blinded with fury to be right. I'm surprise Dumbledore's willing to trust such unstable and vengeful man (that suggest the possibilities that Snape must have been very important to him for him to risk like that). But hey that's what make these stories interesting, at least to me.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[straussmonster.livejournal.com]

I always think Snape suspected the truth but he was too blind by his vengeful indignation toward Sirius that he wanted to be prove right too much.

That seems like the most straightforward reading to me. The thing that makes me wonder (and the question I would ask JKR about, if I got one question) is whether or not his statement that the children are Confounded--when everyone is back in the castle and right before Dumbledore comes in and the immediate danger is past--is sincere or not. It feels ever-so-slightly off, and the sincerity of that statement is the dividing line between Snape being honestly blinded by emotion and Snape being more calculating and deliberate.

I expect future revelations to give weight to one side or another. What I love about how the character has been written is that there's textual support for pretty much any outcome.

Re: Broken rules- or are they?

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

Logica? Who needs logic when we are presented with feelings, which are seemingly good enough ;)

But seriously, Dumbledore did lie to snape's face, and that is a huge thing for Mr. Scorekeeper. And remember, for Snape, anybody who is a friend of harry is one more asspimple he must endure.