Just a whiny entry.
Nov. 1st, 2005 09:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2I am feeling down right now. I have been for a couple days, and it's just getting...well...downier. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything, like everything I've done is wrong. I've been feeling extra paranoid the last few days. I'm trying to just shrug it off as the usual hormonal influx before Aunt Martha arrives, but for some reason I just feel icky and tense. I'm freaked out about people moving in above my apartment...that they're going to be noisy or nasty or something, and I'm here for two more years. I'm not happy about being here for two more years either. I don't like some of the people who moved into the building (farther down). I kind of wish I had moved. The apartment is a big mess. It's not the worst it's been, and it isn't at the "trails" level, but it's not great.
I feel icky because this great woman I know was just punched in the head by one of the biggest assholes I've ever met. I'm freaking because even though she hit him back they are still connected (not by a romantic relationship). I really can't say that I hate people very often, but I really hate him, and this whole situation is a powder keg, and he just took it up a notch by striking her, and she just told me, and I'm still trying to come down from the complete anger I felt an hour ago.
I'm just feeling weird and unhappy. I had five days off, but I really didn't get much done. I did see my family, which was wonderful, and met up with a co-worker from Waldenhell (and that was wonderful too), but otherwise, I feel pretty adrift. By the end of the five days I became pretty anxious because I really wasn't doing anything except the things that needed to be done and a bit more here and there. I really need to get it through my head that a day spent doing nothing is still a day, and it's not a failure, and I don't have to part the Red Sea every week, but it's hard because my head is always shouting, look! at the things! all the things that need to be done! you're so behind!
It's just one of those waaaangsty days. Yeah, I sound like I'm melting down, and I am, a little bit. But it's just a lower dip in the cycle than normal, I think. And don't think that you have to respond with hugs and stuff. I'm just unloading, and it makes me feel a teeny bit better just to have written it down, and to know you're all out there, abstract as you might be.
And tomorrow I'll be back to singing songs about wombats, I know.
I feel icky because this great woman I know was just punched in the head by one of the biggest assholes I've ever met. I'm freaking because even though she hit him back they are still connected (not by a romantic relationship). I really can't say that I hate people very often, but I really hate him, and this whole situation is a powder keg, and he just took it up a notch by striking her, and she just told me, and I'm still trying to come down from the complete anger I felt an hour ago.
I'm just feeling weird and unhappy. I had five days off, but I really didn't get much done. I did see my family, which was wonderful, and met up with a co-worker from Waldenhell (and that was wonderful too), but otherwise, I feel pretty adrift. By the end of the five days I became pretty anxious because I really wasn't doing anything except the things that needed to be done and a bit more here and there. I really need to get it through my head that a day spent doing nothing is still a day, and it's not a failure, and I don't have to part the Red Sea every week, but it's hard because my head is always shouting, look! at the things! all the things that need to be done! you're so behind!
It's just one of those waaaangsty days. Yeah, I sound like I'm melting down, and I am, a little bit. But it's just a lower dip in the cycle than normal, I think. And don't think that you have to respond with hugs and stuff. I'm just unloading, and it makes me feel a teeny bit better just to have written it down, and to know you're all out there, abstract as you might be.
And tomorrow I'll be back to singing songs about wombats, I know.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-02 04:37 am (UTC)Next - think about the timing of this slump you've entered. There may be good reason why it's happening now. You're a crafts person; your summer season just ended. (And yes, I kinow that it's autumn, but as a fellow merchant I understand that our summer selling season actually tends to run from Memorial Day to mid-October. *g*) Your body has finally caught up to the reality that the summer mad-scramble of making product and running to shows is over. So guess what - it's time for a little bout of 'let's just collapse and do nothing for while'. No big surprise there. (and I go through a similar letdown myself each year...)
Stop sweating about the whole 'apartment is a messy disaster' situation. So long as the clutter piles aren't stacked so high that they pose a falling-debris danger, and the kitchen doesn't become a biohazard site, then relax!
Your body is telling you it needs a vacation -- your mind simply hasn't caught up with that fact yet. So, for a little bit, kick back, nibble down some premium chocolate truffles, and indulge in a few guilty-pleasure paperbacks to read.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-02 11:51 am (UTC)EBay is heating up a little, and I'm hoping that it will keep me busy for a while.
The kitchen actually looks pretty nice. I like having a clean kitchen/bathroom. Or, at the very least, uncluttered. It's the living room/office I worry about! I'm still trying to reorganize and the process is going to take some time. At least I have a couple months where I'm not out of town every other week.
Thanks for the hugs and the perspective. *hugs*