Difficult day.

[valis2]

A friend's beloved grandfather is dying in the hospital. I went with him and most of the family was there. They were very welcoming, but still, I felt terrible to intrude on such a private matter.

Seeing anyone cry makes me want to cry, and it was a long, difficult evening. Grief tears everyone up. I just feel so sad, that a good man is leaving. He had a wonderful, very full life, with a great family, and I know that we shouldn't be sad, that we should be happy, but it's really hard. And I can't think of anything to say that is in the least bit comforting.

We were leaving, and he's still very lucid, though he will most likely pass during the night. I had a moment with him, but how do you say anything? I said, "Hi, sweetheart, you were wonderful," but now I think it was a terribly morbid thing to say, because I actually wanted to say more, and now I realize I used the past tense, but I couldn't really finish the sentence because I got overwhelmed.

"The dead know only one thing. It is better to be alive."

Comments

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

I'm sure he knew exactly what you meant and didn't find it morbid to say, the point is you got to speak with him, and I'm sure he appreciated seeing you and hearing from you before he leaves this world.
(hugs)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks. It really was troubling me. I couldn't get to sleep last night for awhile because I felt so bad. It's the last thing you say to someone, and I didn't want to screw it up, you know?

[sylvadin.livejournal.com]

No, not a terribly morbid thing to say. I'm sure he understood that you were trying to express that he was a good person who mattered. It's okay, Valis. You don't have to worry about saying anything profound or comforting to him or his loved ones. Just having been there said via actions what you meant.

*hugs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment. I just felt like such a clod. The family was so nice and warm, and seemed to be happy that I was there, but I am the sort of person who always worries about things that lie beneath the surface.

*hugs back*

[karasu-hime.livejournal.com]

OH, HUGS!!

I'm sure he understood.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I think he did. He was remarkably lucid and conscious, and funny, of course. Great guy, and he will be missed, tremendously.

*hugs back* Thank you, sweetie.

[zakkati.livejournal.com]

Saying goodbye for the final time is terribly hard, isn't it?

:(

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yes, it certainly is! It reminded me of saying goodbye to my own grandfather, though that occasion was not quite the same, as it involved him yelling at me that he was thirsty.

[privatemaladict.livejournal.com]

It's a terrible situation to be in, and sadly a part of life. It feels especially awkward when you feel like you're intruding on family grief - but you had a right to be there, too.

***hugs***

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks so much, sweetie. I feel relieved that it happened while I was home (as selfish as that want is), and I am glad that I got to see him one last time.

*hugs*

[todayiamadaisy]

It wasn't a morbid thing to say at all - sometimes just being there says what words can't manage.

(hugs)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

:) You all are making me feel so much better. Thank you so much, sweetie.

*hugs*

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad about what you said. I don't think it was morbid and I'm sure he got your intention.

Sometimes life is so much bigger than words. Sometimes being there and trying to share some of the loss and the grief is all you can give. You did help, dear.

*hugs you*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really was out of my mind for most of last night. I'm not really totally comfortable with another person's family, and I wasn't certain what to say or do, and I just had to keep going forward and hope that I didn't do something stupid.

I think they were appreciative that I was there, and I tried to support my friend. But I'm glad that I left early. They needed their private time much much more.

*hugs back*

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

Being there to support your friend is very important, maybe the most important. Grandad got to see what a wonderful friend his grandson has. There's nothing "right" to say in this situation, again, just you being there was enough.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you so much. I'm so lucky to have such good friends.

I haven't turned on the chat program yet because I've been so preoccupied with everything else, but I hope to be on tonight, or at the very least tomorrow night.

[serpenatrix.livejournal.com]

Oh dear...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

:( The poor family. I still feel awful.

[serpenatrix.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad, honey, you were there, you supported him, that's what matters. *hugs*

[florence-craye.livejournal.com]

*hugs you and the family*

This is a bit late, but I'm just now getting back online. I think what you said was prefectly fine, and I'm sure he understood what you meant. I also have a hard time holding in emotions when others are, for lack of a better term, emitting them so powerfully. I'm sure he appreciated your presence and emotion and the family did, too.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Craziest thing?

He didn't pass away.

In fact, he ate mashed potatoes and gravy the next morning.

Go figure. *laughs*

[dark-cygnet.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. ::hugs you::

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks. *hugs*