X-files: The badfic is out there

[valis2]

• "We've been together a dozen times, Alex, and you never take your shirt off. You don't have anything to be ashamed of Alex, look at me, I'm not ashamed of my little pouch." Mulder half-heartedly patted himself on the tummy.
  
  Who knew Mulder was a marsupial?


• RATING: R FOR SOME VIOLENCE, STRONG LANGUAGE AND A BIT OF A NUZZLE
  
  Ooh! A nuzzle! Why, I nevah! The nerve of some people!


• "Alex." [Skinner] gently said reaching out and carefully skimming his fingers down the battered cheek. This was not the remote touch of a healer treating a patient, this was the gently creases of a lover.


• "Krycek, where..." Mulder was tentatively feeling the laceration on his forehead as he spoke.
  
  [Krycek]: "If you're gonna say 'where am I,' I have to tell you it's a cliche! You are in a motel in Corona, and you've been behaving very strangely for the past 15 hours or so.


• Mulder began to rise from the couch, began to rise everywhere in fact and Alex was further away again, hidden, unearthly.
  
  "No" was husked from the darkness.


• OMG MULDER JUST BRANDED SOMEONE WITH HIS INITIALS


• His left hand still resting on Alex's wonderful firm butts, Mulder opened the window...
  
  No, there are no clones involved, Alex is a single human being.


• WTF? X-files/Terry Pratchett crossover?!


• [Skinner:] "I was married for a hell of a long time... but I've... I've always known that I... er like.." He stopped and coughed as he pushed the words out, "Liked men... I discovered this titbit of information while in Vietnam...


• X-files fic set in WWII.


• He was a powerful man, but a sign of vulnerability had always worked for him in the past, it was a hardy combination for those who had tasted it.


• "Hey... no problem," Jack said, clapping the other man on the shoulder, "I'll lock up the shop and we can talk out the back, I still make syrup coffee."
  
  Syrup coffee? Is there such a thing?


• Mulder watched the dark mahogany haired head move south down his body.


• There's a Darth Maul/Krycek story.


• Sin pulled out her outfit which consisted of a black leather mini skirt and halter-top, a belt that seemed to be a metal leash, a collar and wristbands that matched Alex's, fishnet stockings and spike heels.
  
  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have achieved Mary Sue!

Comments

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

Creases. Omg. Butts. The ooc, it hurts.

FISHNET STOCKINGS. LOL

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You know, I always think that HP sets the bar for pr0n, but holy cow, the fishnet stockings are strong with this fandom. There is so much bawm chikka bawm bawm going on it's ridiculous!

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

Mulder...I just can't slash him. And...not with men who actively try to kill him. Though, he does like his porn.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

You know, I only watched the first three seasons, so I don't know all the canon, but still--in so many of these fics, he just leaps right into bed. I mean, Krycek, for example. There are so many fics where he starts beating up Krycek and then they both discover that they are hard for each other and then it's off to the races. *blinks* Maybe I could understand a fic or two like that, but I've found dozens.

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

That's so fucking ridiculous. Hahahaha.

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

"I was married for a hell of a long time... but I've... I've always known that I... er like.." He stopped and coughed as he pushed the words out

Is it just me, or does this image have a lolariously apropos anal quality to it? Like, confessing-to-queerness as prostate exam?

Hi, btw. <3 I'm still, every now and then, on the internetz.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

bwahahahah!!!!!! Yeah, this was one of those great badfic lines, because not only does the author use "titbit" (rofl!), but then there's the drawn-out confession. I love it when there's more than one level of bad. eee!

And hi! *waves* You are missed, m'dear. I hope things are going well for you on the non-internetz.

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, they're going okay - back in school, school is demanding and exhausting but I think I like is. So, ain't got much to complain about.

[perverse-idyll.livejournal.com]

Considering that I got sidetracked trying to imagine the multi-butts, I won't apologize for where I first thought the, uh, window was supposed to be located. But I will tell you that it felled my brain in its tracks. (And yeah, bad writing is contagious, apparently.)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

omg, I hadn't even thought of the window thing. LOL! That is hilarious.

And I really hope your brain recovers, because it is a thing of beauty. Don't let it soak in the X-files sludge too long, m'dear!

[gmonkey42.livejournal.com]

Did you ever see The Adventures of Mary Sue Mulder? She was a beagle. It was awesome deliberate badfic and was my introduction to the Mary Sue phenomenon.

[marginaliana]

This makes me shamefully reminded that my cat as a teenager was named Mulder. *facepalm*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

ahahha! That rocks! And was she looking for the truth in her water bowl?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow! No, I never saw that. I will poke around for it. And LOL icon!!

What's your fave pairing in x-files?

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

the gently creases of a lover.

made me crack up.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee!! So glad it amused you. :)

[gmonkey42.livejournal.com]

Mulder/Krycek but I was actually way more into Scully/Mulder.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Interesting! I've found some good M/K, there are links here ().http://valis2.livejournal.com/487429.html?thread=5680645#t5680645

[marginaliana]

"A BIT OF A NUZZLE" had me cackling. Oh, dear.

And I want to know what the X-files/Terry Pratchett crossover was like. Was it just wholesale transposing into Discworld, or a gateway into L-Space in the basement of the FBI building, or...?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the nuzzle thing took me right back to A*Team and the warning for "light facial strokes." haha!

I don't remember the plot--I skim so fast that I sometimes don't really get much of an impression--but I remember reading the name Vetinari or whatever the hell it is.

Wait! I remember that Mulder and Krycek were suddenly in Anth-Mopork. Oh god, I have no idea how to spell any of this. I'm sorry.

[marginaliana]

Mulder and Krycek were suddenly in Anth-Mopork

Of course they were. Of course they were.

I kind of want Mulder/Vetinari now, though. I'm trying to figure out how someone could make that work. Maybe an AU where Mulder works for the Ankh-Morpork version of the FBI. Except there's no point in investigating the supernatural, which is totally there all the time in Discworld. But maybe aliens, I don't think Discworld has aliens yet. And Vetinari pre-series, when he's still working his way up, and Mulder tries to get close to him, thinking he's part of the cover up, but of course Vetinari is way more badass than Mulder and ends up using him to get rid of someone who's in Vetinari's way, politically. Hmmmm.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

That one paragraph of yours is probably 23498523589 times better than the fic I saw. lol.

[iamrighthere.livejournal.com]

X-Files fic! Oh, that takes me back. And X-Files badfic reminds me of those long days as a mother of two young kids, working full-time with a part-time gig on the side and still not having any money and needing something very cheap to entertain me. Even the bad stuff was worth reading for giggles if nothing else.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

There is a lot of fic in the fandom! I'm really impressed. Unfortunately, a lot of links are gone now, part of the digital wasteland. Still, there's a lot of good stuff and crazy stuff left, and even though I feel a little bit like an archaeologist researching a bygone era, it's an intriguing fandom. :)

[cordeliadelayne]

Ha ha ha! Oh dear, I have tears in my eyes :D

The fact that someone actually contemplated Darth Maul/Krycek and then followed through, is mind-boggling!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you enjoyed!!

I was sure I misread the Darth Maul name, but no, it was 100% him, red skin and all. lol! And they ran off into the sunset, hand in hand. Or maybe I just made that last part up. hee!

[lady-branwyn.livejournal.com]

Mmm, syrup coffee sounds good. I'd like a tall with whole milk.
Mulder began to rise from the couch, began to rise everywhere in fact and Alex was further away again, hidden, unearthly.
I couldn't diagram that sentence if my life depended on it. I especially like the adjective dangling at the end.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I still want to know what syrup coffee is, lol!!

And my goodness, that sentence is a disaster. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how Mulder is rising everywhere. Levitation?

[sinick.livejournal.com]

I'm probably a Very Very Bad Person for wanting to read the Maul/Krycek.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hahaha! I can try to find it for you tonight. :)

[acid.livejournal.com]

> Syrup coffee? Is there such a thing?

YES, there is! sinick makes it and drinks it daily.

I am quite sure it involves adding caffeine to a mug full of pure syrup, which is somehow still sugar-free. It's scary. It also makes you bounce off the walls, sorta like thai coffee recipes that ask for a can of condensed milk per cup.

Mmm, syrup coffee....

[sinick.livejournal.com]

mmm, condensed milk. The most yum you can fit into a tin can.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Holy cow! That does sound potent. Too bad I don't like coffee, or I'd totally try that. hee!

[hardboiledbaby]

"I'm not ashamed of my little pouch."
Bwahahahaha!! And we're off and running...

I'm not much into The X-Files, but bad writing crosses all fandoms, doesn't it? *snerk* Thanks for wading through the dreck, babe!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I love badfic, honestly, but sometimes I rather wish I didn't find any! hee.

This was a good edition. And I have even more saved up for another entry. *grins*