Snape Dogma 05

[valis2]

While I was driving I had this thought about Snapefic.

Dogma 95 was a set of rules meant to revitalize artistic filmmaking. There were several rules, including using only natural light sources, no filters, no music unless it naturally occurred during filming, hand-held cameras, etc. (About Dogma 95 and Rules of Dogma 95)

I was thinking, wouldn't it be fun to have a set of rules like that for writing Snapefic? You know, post a set of "Vows" and promise to uphold them.

So of course my Snape-obsessed brain would not leave the idea alone and all weekend I kept thinking of vows.



In the interest of preserving a high quality level of Snape fanfiction, I propose this set of Vows for myself.

When writing Snape!fic, I promise:

• ...to keep his physical appearance as close to canon as possible. Greasy hair, thin fingers, yellow skin, yellow/crooked teeth, yeah, yeah, yeah.


• ...to garb him in black robes. Dare I even say billowing black robes? Oh, yes.


• ...to keep talents and weaknesses as verified in canon. Gifted at Occlumency? Check. Legilimens? Check. Talented at potions? Check. Bitter about the Marauders? Check. Suspicious? Check.


• ...to keep his dry wit and dark sarcasm.


• ...to explore the possibilities that canon leaves open for me.


• ...to keep his background plausible.


• ...to keep his control tightly wound, except in moments of true, unrelenting stress relating to his childhood.


• ...to make his relationships with other teachers believable.


• ...to remember how much he wanted that Order of Merlin in PoA.


• ...to incorporate canon truths as much as possible into my fanfiction writing.

When writing Snape!fic, I will not:

• ...make him wear a 'glamour' that disguises his True Beauty because otherwise he'd have to whack the students with sticks to get them away from him.


• ...make him smell like some inordinately sweet and intoxicating scent just so the Love Interest can catch a whiff and swoon.


• ...force him into Muggle clothes.


• ...make him into a vampire or dhampiel. Or even a quarter-vampire. Or an angel. Or a demon.


• ...suddenly give him a son/daughter that enrolls in Hogwarts. (Surprise, dad!)


• ...render him speechless because my OC said something to him that I thought was "witty".


• ...make him a virgin with Astonishing Sexual Powers.


• ...give him dialogue that sounds as if he's swallowed a thesaurus. He speaks well, certainly, but not that well. He uses contractions. Honest.


• ...give him strange Muggle hobbies like playing Brahms lullabies on a harpsichord.


• ...give him telepathic powers or a "life-bond" or a "love-bond" or a "soul-bond" with another.


• ...have a perky OFC 'win him over' with her excessive good cheer or her feisty spunky attitude.


• ...give him a ridiculously angsty background replete with physical abuse and torture.


• ...give him Snape Manor, complete with more trappings and more wealth than even Lucius Malfoy can imagine.


• ...give him a ridiculous family tree. Dumbledore will not be his grandfather. Voldemort will not be his grandfather. He will not be related to Harry Potter. He will not be a special magical Heir to anything.
  
• ...give him any special mysterious magical item that does not fit into the canon world. He will not possess some sort of amazing object that has been passed down through generations from Salazar himself.


• ...make him an expert in martial arts or weapons.


• ...make him fluffy, yearning, and sweet without a Personality-Changing Potion.


• ...have him perform a non-consensual sexual act with an OFC and then later that evening...or ever, actually...have them fall in love.


• ...bring an American OFC to Hogwarts for little reason other than to have her become Snape's One True Love.


• ...make him speak of his shortcomings and weaknesses without Veritaserum, or a prolonged relationship first.


• ...have any elves wandering about Hogwarts except for house-elves. There will be no Elf or Half-elf teacher mysteriously joining the staff.


• ...have an attractive Muggle Studies or DADA teacher who makes Snape's brain melt due to her overwhelming loveliness.


• ...write a storyline where he kills Voldemort.


• ...give him a mysterious power that isn't supported in canon. No fireballs from his fingertips. No telekinesis.


• ...be tempted to turn his private chambers into a Slytherin Love Boudoir complete with giant round rotating bed and disco ball.

Disclaimer: I'm certain that I can't be the first person to have thought of this; I just thought it would be fun.

Even More Important Disclaimer: And yes, I realize that meaningful, moving, and funny Snape!fics can be and have been written, absolutely, disregarding all of these Vows at once. These are just my Vows...disregard them as you wish!

Vows of your own? Comment and share.

Comments

[valis2.livejournal.com]

WEll, sometimes I manage to keep him in canon, even having him in love with Harry, but it's not that easy, and to tell you the truth, not that much fun as well.

Hey, nearly anything is plausible. I've read several excellent Snarry fics where they've definitely done their research and worked hard to make the premise work, and well.

It's all in the hands of the writer, after all. I don't think a relationship between Snape and Harry is plausible in canon, honestly, but I'll say that it's highly improbable, and then the writer has to scale that wall first and convince the readers, unless it's a PWP or something.

Thanks for stopping by! I had no idea that Ptyx mentioned it...will have to send thanks.