Brains and conversations
Aug. 15th, 2009 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
valis2So I've been brooding rather intensely for a few days, and it's brought some focus about my interpersonal conversational skills. Or rather, lack thereof.
I don't think I have ever had a clearer picture of just how much effort it takes for me to converse with people. Depending on who I'm having the conversation with, I engage layers, sometimes multiple layers, of modifiers in my brain to prevent the wrong thing from being said.
So where did these layers come from? Well, my father is definitely where I eventually learned a lot of logic and analysis from. I am not logical by nature, you see. My "logic" is actually just a huge repository of remembered situations (or even remembered stories by other people). If something occurs, I look through my logic bag, and try to see if anything similar has happened to me, or if I've ever heard a story like that. Based on that, I'm sometimes able to formulate the best course. This "logic" also fuels the layers, in a way. I am very thoughtless in my conversations, and my father would often take me aside later and explain which things I'd said that were "wrong" and might have hurt the other person's feelings.
My mother, for example, likes to use self-deprecation to make other people feel better. "Oh, I can't draw at all! I'm the worst artist in the world! I can't even draw a smiley face!" she'll say. I picked this trait up early, and used it quite a bit. However, it backfires, and often. People get really sick of hearing you put yourself down (an ex-fiancée once went into a rage about it), and the worst is when you insult yourself in some way and the other person gets insulted by it indirectly. For example, one time I heard my mother talking about how fat she was and she went on and on about it, and her best friend just sat there with an uncomfortable look on her face, and then I suddenly realized that her best friend outweighs her by at least a hundred pounds. So this is something I've worked very hard to stamp out of my speech. I've also tried to get rid of another thing I picked up from my mother, which is the tendency to say, "I like it," and "oh, I hate that" about absolutely everything that anyone brings up. Hey, it's no problem to say it occasionally, but when you are just making every conversation a litany of your likes and dislikes, you are not really talking to someone. Especially if you're not explaining why you like it or don't like it. Especially if you're simply interrupting throughout the whole thing to say whether you like it or not. I think about conversations I had in my early twenties and I just cringe.
The emphasis on "right" and "wrong" words can be really difficult to get around. I often tailspin into paranoia, certain that someone is avoiding me because of something I've said, or implied, or that I wasn't interesting enough. This is exacerbated by society, in some ways. We are expected to not point out stupidity or insults in our conversations; most people will simply "be polite" and continue talking, and then later laugh about the gaffes to other people. I've done it myself. The problem with this is that I have to then rely on my faulty logic system and my elaborate layers system to prevent these gaffes, and sometimes it's just not possible. And because no one will tell you when you've really made a gaffe, I am left to imagine gaffes where there are none.
Of course, when I am certain about a real gaffe, it makes me cringe in a way that is pretty extreme, and I can beat myself up like nobody's business about it. I go back over old conversations, and I pull out flaws and magnify the stupid things I've said until I cannot understand why anyone would want to be friends with me, much less even talk to me. It's rather extreme, and usually I'm able to take a deep breath and slip off to the side of it. Sometimes, though, I sit and stew for a day or two, and this entry is the result of that. Just trying to understand the issues involved with this is helpful.
For me, online communication is a huge relief in some ways, and a new kind of fail in others. The layers are a little confused, especially at first, by this situation; I have no visual cues to set the proper layers in place, for example. I have no idea if I'm talking to rich, poor, young, old, the Pope, whatever. But I have the advantage of having time to think things through before I post them. I can check my words for double meanings that I didn't notice when I first thought of them. This eliminates a bunch of gaffes. Honestly, I'm terrible at subtext most of the time. The unsaid and unseen can flummox me. Nonverbal cues are not as obvious to me as they are to most, though I do still see them sometimes. So being online and having a little extra time, and not having the layers all pressing down at once screaming "DO NOT OFFEND HER! SAY SOMETHING CLEVER NOW NOW NOW!" is helpful, but then again, I still have to work very hard to avoid saying the Wrong Thing.
Please don't look at this as "Now I have to reassure Valis that she is not an evil bitch from another galaxy and that I like her" situation. I'm serious. This is me trying to know myself, and sharing the process, and hoping to hear of your own conversational styles and experiences.
I don't think I have ever had a clearer picture of just how much effort it takes for me to converse with people. Depending on who I'm having the conversation with, I engage layers, sometimes multiple layers, of modifiers in my brain to prevent the wrong thing from being said.
- By layers I refer to processes meant to take certain things about my conversational partners into account. You could also term them as "filters," but I'm not certain that the word correctly conveys the meaning. I once took a quiz on LJ that claimed my conversational style was called "the Changeling." It was an incredibly accurate result. I am a different person with different people. With
- Age. Am I speaking to someone young, or old? If so, I'll temper my conversation accordingly. I won't bother with references that either is not likely to get.
- Position. Is this person somehow my superior, or could impact my job or do they know one of my bosses? This layer is so horribly intense that sometimes I end up stammering like an idiot.
- OMG THEY ARE SO COOL. This is another layer that just kills me. It's particularly horrible at a con, for example, when I'm talking to someone really amazing like
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alchemia, someone I really admire, someone who is super talented. Sometimes I manage to get out something that resembles speech; most of the time I just manage to say something really stupid. - Customer. Is this person thinking about buying something from me now, or maybe in the future? Another tough layer. I have to weed out anything that might possibly offend.
- Friend of a friend. I'm out to lunch with my sister, let's say, and her boyfriend's best friend. I have to somehow not embarrass both myself, and my sister. A unique kind of pressure.
- I want to say something clever now. Oh, this is the worst, this is the one that just destroys me. It means that I just about completely stop processing just so that I can desperately think of something clever to say. And sadly enough, if I weren't trying to think of something clever, I probably would have thought of something clever.
- Am I interrupting too much? Am I doing something weird with my hands? Am I smiling strangely? Internal questions often push me right over the edge and stop processing dead in its tracks. Especially when I immediately start obsessing over the last hundred conversations and whether I've interrupted too much or done something weird with my hands.
bookwench2096 I am sarcastic and absolutely raunchy. With my friends in WI I am less sarcastic and absolutely not raunchy at all.A few examples of layers:
So where did these layers come from? Well, my father is definitely where I eventually learned a lot of logic and analysis from. I am not logical by nature, you see. My "logic" is actually just a huge repository of remembered situations (or even remembered stories by other people). If something occurs, I look through my logic bag, and try to see if anything similar has happened to me, or if I've ever heard a story like that. Based on that, I'm sometimes able to formulate the best course. This "logic" also fuels the layers, in a way. I am very thoughtless in my conversations, and my father would often take me aside later and explain which things I'd said that were "wrong" and might have hurt the other person's feelings.
My mother, for example, likes to use self-deprecation to make other people feel better. "Oh, I can't draw at all! I'm the worst artist in the world! I can't even draw a smiley face!" she'll say. I picked this trait up early, and used it quite a bit. However, it backfires, and often. People get really sick of hearing you put yourself down (an ex-fiancée once went into a rage about it), and the worst is when you insult yourself in some way and the other person gets insulted by it indirectly. For example, one time I heard my mother talking about how fat she was and she went on and on about it, and her best friend just sat there with an uncomfortable look on her face, and then I suddenly realized that her best friend outweighs her by at least a hundred pounds. So this is something I've worked very hard to stamp out of my speech. I've also tried to get rid of another thing I picked up from my mother, which is the tendency to say, "I like it," and "oh, I hate that" about absolutely everything that anyone brings up. Hey, it's no problem to say it occasionally, but when you are just making every conversation a litany of your likes and dislikes, you are not really talking to someone. Especially if you're not explaining why you like it or don't like it. Especially if you're simply interrupting throughout the whole thing to say whether you like it or not. I think about conversations I had in my early twenties and I just cringe.
The emphasis on "right" and "wrong" words can be really difficult to get around. I often tailspin into paranoia, certain that someone is avoiding me because of something I've said, or implied, or that I wasn't interesting enough. This is exacerbated by society, in some ways. We are expected to not point out stupidity or insults in our conversations; most people will simply "be polite" and continue talking, and then later laugh about the gaffes to other people. I've done it myself. The problem with this is that I have to then rely on my faulty logic system and my elaborate layers system to prevent these gaffes, and sometimes it's just not possible. And because no one will tell you when you've really made a gaffe, I am left to imagine gaffes where there are none.
Of course, when I am certain about a real gaffe, it makes me cringe in a way that is pretty extreme, and I can beat myself up like nobody's business about it. I go back over old conversations, and I pull out flaws and magnify the stupid things I've said until I cannot understand why anyone would want to be friends with me, much less even talk to me. It's rather extreme, and usually I'm able to take a deep breath and slip off to the side of it. Sometimes, though, I sit and stew for a day or two, and this entry is the result of that. Just trying to understand the issues involved with this is helpful.
For me, online communication is a huge relief in some ways, and a new kind of fail in others. The layers are a little confused, especially at first, by this situation; I have no visual cues to set the proper layers in place, for example. I have no idea if I'm talking to rich, poor, young, old, the Pope, whatever. But I have the advantage of having time to think things through before I post them. I can check my words for double meanings that I didn't notice when I first thought of them. This eliminates a bunch of gaffes. Honestly, I'm terrible at subtext most of the time. The unsaid and unseen can flummox me. Nonverbal cues are not as obvious to me as they are to most, though I do still see them sometimes. So being online and having a little extra time, and not having the layers all pressing down at once screaming "DO NOT OFFEND HER! SAY SOMETHING CLEVER NOW NOW NOW!" is helpful, but then again, I still have to work very hard to avoid saying the Wrong Thing.
Please don't look at this as "Now I have to reassure Valis that she is not an evil bitch from another galaxy and that I like her" situation. I'm serious. This is me trying to know myself, and sharing the process, and hoping to hear of your own conversational styles and experiences.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-15 09:15 pm (UTC)Want to hear something completely retarded? (Okay, two things, because one is that I'm going to be questioning my use of that word for a week or so.) And the other is: I know who comments on my stories. Tiny community, you know everyone in it. So one person stops and I freak out. OMG, I SUCK AND SHE HATES ME! Then I go, wait! Maybe she sick, or gone on vacation. Valis (yes, I use you in my pathetic justifications) goes out of town and doesn't comment all the time. That has to be it! Then I see that person all over the place, commenting on everything else, and I'm crushed. I lose sleep and take extra Xanax and have to admit it to my husband, who agrees that it's retarded, and is no help whatsoever. So, Survey Says, ding, ding, ding, I SUCK!
(Now you know why I comment on pretty much everything. We're probably all here because we feel that way. And thanks for always having something nice to say, even when there's not enough Nick.)
And don't even get me started on the phone. Cell only, unlisted, caller ID, separate ringtones for every single person I know (and one for people I don't), and I still have a panic attack when an unknown number comes up. I can't breathe while listening to voicemail. I ask my mom to use email, and then panic at that. (She agrees, btw, that I SUCK!)
But I feel somewhat better now. Hope you do, too. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-15 09:34 pm (UTC)My first experience with this was in HP. One of my very first LJ friends said she'd read my giant epic HP story, and then later she said..."It's just not my cup of tea." I wanted to bury myself under the patio. Seriously. It was awful.
It did pave the way for a lot of thinking about readers and writing and comments. I drew on my experiences at the bookstore. See, there will be no story that draws everyone to it, no matter how much you love it. Personal preference is incredibly important in selling books. It gets even more important in fanfic. Especially in HP, where there are so many pairings and writers and fic that you can (quite honestly) get completely wrapped up in one pairing--hell, in one kind of genre with one pairing--and still have plenty of fics to read.
So Riptide is a strange experience for me. I want to use the same rationale that I do in HP--maybe they didn't see it, maybe they don't like that pairing, maybe they're lying unconscious on the kitchen floor--but it's a little more difficult when you can count the usual commentors on one hand. Maybe two. I really have to actively put myself into the mode of: I am writing this for myself and it doesn't matter if I get no comments at all. (A terrible lie, but it allows me to get really happy if I only get one comment, and then that allows me to not bury myself under the patio.)
Then I see that person all over the place, commenting on everything else, and I'm crushed.
That is the worst. Seriously. I mean, I always try to take the benefit of a doubt, because I'm sure it's just RL intruding or whatever, but the squeaky part gets all pissy and stupid and that makes me crazy.
Once in a while I read someone's LJ or comments and they mention that they're going to read one of my stories, and I get all unreasonably excited, and then they never do. Or they did but didn't comment. And then I get all sad. I mean, even when I go back and read old stories I sometimes leave comments, y'know? Even if the story didn't resonate hugely with me, I still sometimes leave a line or two just to let the author know I've read. Again, I know it's just RL or not their cup of tea, but this is me, burying myself under the patio, but slowly.
And thanks for always having something nice to say, even when there's not enough Nick.
Dude, I really try, honestly. I have difficulties paying attention when Nick and Cody aren't undressing each other, honestly, or when something hurtlike isn't happening to Nick. Seriously. So I do read your stuff because I like the dialogue and the scenarios and stuff, but I have to apologize for not being more enthusiastic. *nodnod* And then I have to say, that it's sometimes just not my cup of tea to read Murray, you know, and then I feel awful because I think, oh dear, she's going to want to bury herself under the patio.
But I feel somewhat better now. Hope you do, too. :)
Strangely enough, I do. Talking things out always helps. Always. :) Thank you!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-15 10:12 pm (UTC)I can honestly say that you've never caused me to want to bury myself under the patio. Only three people have done that, and I'm already over one of them. This is huge progress for me.
I know Murray's not for everyone and I endlessly appreciate that people read anyway. I'm getting better at including Nick/Cody, trying to be more accessible. Really want to sell out and get that big audience. (Although I'm endlessly paranoid that Something Missing has already killed me and I'm just too stupid to lie down and die already.) With any luck, people will read the Murray/Quinlan series just to see how the hell such a thing could happen. Plus, it's kinda funny. Maybe Nick will get pissed when he finds out and he and Quinlan can beat each other up. Would you like that? I'll let you pick the winner. (I'm sort of taking requests on this one already, so feel free to jump in.) :)
I always feel like such a dorkus when I leave a comment on a story I loved and then realize that it was posted in 2004, but the authors always comment back and thank me. There's only been one EVER who didn't, but she hasn't posted anything at all in a year so--yeah, I'm not holding my breath on that one. But all the active people really appreciate it. Now I feel bad about not having commented on all the great Riptide stories I read in the beginning, but I was totally lurking then, just brand new, I really thought people would go "who the hell are you and why do you think we care what you think?" After I figured out that they'd care, I'd already read them all and favorited them on DYP. Where I never comment at all because (say it with me) I SUCK!
And don't go burying yourself under the patio, because this is really true, one of my all time favorite comments ever was when I did the drabble project, 21 stories in 11 days, and at the end you said you liked the Nick bits. Of which there were maybe 4. This makes me happy every time I think about it. I love how hard you tried to say anything good about something that must have bored you to death. (Will Nick be in it today? Damn. How about today? Damn.) And it's not just you. The one single entry where he and Cody got it on has twice as many reads as the next highest one and it's just, like, three sentences of implied sex. So I know I'm cutting my own throat here. :)
We just have to crawl out from under the patio as often as we can, and dance with the muse what brung us.
I'm glad you feel better. Keep talking. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-15 11:39 pm (UTC)Well, thank goodness! Because I'd obsess over it if I had. Seriously. I'd feel really awful.
Really want to sell out and get that big audience.
DUDE. I totally understand, believe me. I monitor all of my stories and the reactions to them, and I've noticed which kinds of stories and which story lengths net the most comments and/or the longest comments, and I tally that and then think, what can I write that will please the most.
In fact, I just went over the comments from Pact on the Island, the super-long (26k) fic I wrote a while ago, and I thought, holy cow, here's a story I knocked my brains out writing, it took forever, it's really long, and there were so few commenters. I think four people commented on it. I cherish every single one, of course, but it really made me think, okay, that's it, short stories from now on.
(Ironically enough, it has a weirdly high number of hits on DYP. I have absolutely no idea why. I think a couple of German fans are obsessively rereading it. lol)
And now I'm crying because I haven't learned my lesson and this bastard fic is now 57k long and will most likely end at 80k and I'm going to have to use the "I am writing it for myself and it doesn't matter if I get any comments" thing. I can just tell from the way this thing is going that I'm not going to get a bunch of squee. So yes, popular opinion totally influences me. I know what sells and what doesn't, and I don't want to bash my head against the unpopular wall, y'know? Though sometimes I just grit my teeth and swallow the bullet. Like this time. 57k, dude. 57k.
With any luck, people will read the Murray/Quinlan series just to see how the hell such a thing could happen.
I am so totally going to read it because I absolutely adore Quinlan. I love writing him. I can't wait to read your take on his dialogue and attitude. Seriously!
Maybe Nick will get pissed when he finds out and he and Quinlan can beat each other up. Would you like that? I'll let you pick the winner. (I'm sort of taking requests on this one already, so feel free to jump in.) :)
There is only one absolute rule about me liking something. Show me Nick, rough him up a little bit, and show someone caring and helping him out afterward, and I am DONE with a capital DONE. Um, and fainting is really nice, too. That is the one absolute rule. If anyone includes that, I'm totally onboard, no matter how bad the rest is. I have always been this way about the characters I like. My Freudian Slip, let me show you it.
I always feel like such a dorkus when I leave a comment on a story I loved and then realize that it was posted in 2004, but the authors always comment back and thank me.
Never feel like a dork for that--comments are love, for realz. I know you understand. ;)
This makes me happy every time I think about it. I love how hard you tried to say anything good about something that must have bored you to death. (Will Nick be in it today? Damn. How about today? Damn.)
hahahah! You definitely have seen right through me, m'friend. I did like the drabble project (and I was NOT bored to death), though I must say (in the interest of full disclosure, and I REALLY hope you won't be offended) that I think it might have been stronger overall had it just been in two or three parts. I would have liked to see the ending expanded a little, y'know? It seemed like they became a couple so quickly.
And I did like the Nick bits. *grins*
What I have definitely noticed is how your writing is developing--I'm intrigued by the differences I can see from the first things you've posted to the newest offerings.
We just have to crawl out from under the patio as often as we can, and dance with the muse what brung us.
My muse is built like a tank and likes to take out Nick every chance she gets. I don't like to dance with her publicly very often, let me tell you.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 12:37 am (UTC)You're still sort of enjoying writing the big fic, though, right? That really is the point. It's not just a cliche. :)
And, yeah, the drabble thing could have been better. No offense there: it's just what I could do at the time. I needed to write and I just didn't have anything else to give that week. It happens.
It sometimes feels like long the ones are almost pointless, doesn't it? I poured, what, 150K into Bonefish and maybe six people read it. It was the product of agonizing labor during a near total nervous breakdown, and reading it makes me physically ill. Which is where drabbles become really appealing.
I figure the Quinlan thing will knock off my four remaining fans, but they'll go out laughing. I'll do up a nice fistfight for you, and Cody can break it up and tend Nick's wounds. But probably not until the fourth installment, so you'll have to hold on a bit. Hopefully the insults and catbread jokes will see you through. :)
Hey, while we're being honest, no one seems to like Call and Answer, and I thought that was a winner from so many angles. Was Nick too big an asshole there, or did they not make up right, or what? I really want to know. I'm just like you, trying to piece it together and figure out what the heck people want, and I really thought I was on it that time. (I also thought Dance With the Girl should have worked better, but that's a whole other set of problems.)
Anyway, I'm still really excited to read your story. There needs to be more, whether it's got Murray or not. I get so desperate for anything I didn't write myself. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 02:27 am (UTC)Yes, I have a feeling that DYP just tracks hit counts, not actual "reads," and if you have it open in a tab, for example, and you leave it like that, and open your browser five times a week, then you'll have five new hits. I might be wrong, though.
It is a nice feeling, considering I have other stories with one hit, lol. And that was probably me, checking the formatting.
You're still sort of enjoying writing the big fic, though, right? That really is the point.
Absolutely. Though, as I've whined before, it's a roller coaster with me. Up and down, over and over again. Right now I'm kind of up, where I was deliriously up about a week ago and then kind of down. I'll go up and down again at least half a dozen more times before this is done.
And, yeah, the drabble thing could have been better. No offense there: it's just what I could do at the time.
Well, for me, the "could have been better" thing was really mostly formatting. As a few pieces instead of 21 I think it might have been a little easier to read, and it might have allowed you a bit more wiggle room with the scenarios. But remember, that's just my opinion, and honestly, what the hell do I know?
It sometimes feels like long the ones are almost pointless, doesn't it? I poured, what, 150K into Bonefish and maybe six people read it. It was the product of agonizing labor during a near total nervous breakdown, and reading it makes me physically ill. Which is where drabbles become really appealing.
I still have parts 5-8 open in tabs, btw. For some reason it's kind of a slow read for me. Not sure why, and don't worry about it, it's just me; I'm often weird about stuff. I think it's the medical. Yes, I know that I'm about as h/c obsessed as one can be, but permanent damage stuff really gets to me. So I'm a little freaked about Cody and the kidney donation. I'm trying to work past it, but I get that weird feeling every time I click on that tab.
And yep, it does feel like the long ones are probably pointless. I love this fic, but I feel like I'm stuffing every trick in the book into it. Everything but the kitchen sink. I have no idea if I'll be able to write anything after I'm done; it might sink me on Riptide stuff. I'm serious. If I work through all of my issues I get bored, lol.
I keep worrying about how to post it, too. The every day/every other day debate has been raging in my head for a month.
I figure the Quinlan thing will knock off my four remaining fans, but they'll go out laughing. I'll do up a nice fistfight for you, and Cody can break it up and tend Nick's wounds...Hopefully the insults and catbread jokes will see you through. :)
Um. It's Quinlan, you see. I will definitely see it through.
Hey, while we're being honest, no one seems to like Call and Answer, and I thought that was a winner from so many angles. Was Nick too big an asshole there, or did they not make up right, or what? I really want to know. I'm just like you, trying to piece it together and figure out what the heck people want, and I really thought I was on it that time. (I also thought Dance With the Girl should have worked better, but that's a whole other set of problems.)
My friend, I am the very worst with names, and I have no idea which one that one is. See, "drabble project" I can figure out. "Bonefish" I can figure out. What's the plot of Call and Answer? Then I'll try to remember my own reaction, which might not be very helpful for you, sorry in advance.
Anyway, I'm still really excited to read your story. There needs to be more, whether it's got Murray or not. I get so desperate for anything I didn't write myself. :)
hahaha! Yes, me too, re: the desperation thing.
I am dying to release this thing. I'm still going forward, slowly but surely. I've finished part eight in Semagic and am working on part nine. I think there are only two or three parts left. YAY.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 02:49 am (UTC)Funny, I did title the drabble project, but no one can remember the name (Peaceful the Knives) so I still just call it the drabble project. Probably always will. :) Call and Answer was the one where Nick slept with a woman and Cody threw him out. So he lived with the woman for a while, and then slept in his helicopter, and then he went crawling to Cody and Murray and they took him back. So he was totally the bad guy there. But you did read it. I went back and checked. :)
I'd love to see you post every day, just because I have no patience. And I know what you mean about running out of ideas. I've had that happen at least three times, so far. (And I've only been writing since March.) I was giving up again when
Does the whole thing have to be done before you start posting? (Hinting for an ETA.) Is this encouraging, or pressuring? If it's pressure, I'll stop. But it's meant to be flattering. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 03:16 am (UTC)Um. I kind of expected that, but just getting past that section makes me a little creeped out. And yes, I am so totally aware of how insane I look saying this, considering how much hurt I've put the characters through. I totally get how focused my obsession with h/c is. Super focused. On very specific things. And that other things creep me out? Hilarious.
So he lived with the woman for a while, and then slept in his helicopter, and then he went crawling to Cody and Murray and they took him back. So he was totally the bad guy there. But you did read it. I went back and checked. :)
Oh, I knew I had, but I can never remember the titles, so I didn't know which one it was. I think that sometimes I kind of react to your portrayal of Nick; sometimes it seems like he does pretty heavy things that are unthinking; I mean, yeah, he has moments, but I do recoil a little in some situations. That's just me, and that's just because I'm, um, a little obsessed with him. *snorts*
I'd love to see you post every day, just because I have no patience.
I'm still debating. There are some people who might not check in every day (gasp!) and I also don't want to overrun the comm too much. So I keep going back and forth. Some pieces are 9k, y'know? That's a lot to digest.
And I know what you mean about running out of ideas.
Hmm. I don't quite mean running out of ideas; I have plots for a major fic, a handful of minor fics, and an entire huge set of Gratuitous Nick H/C Scenarios. However, the issues which drive me to write them--if those dry out, I lose interest. That's the scary thing. I feel like there are only so many ways I can have them sit in the salon and discuss things. Trying to live on board the Riptide for fic after fic--trying to accomplish plots and not do it in a repetitive way--that's what I run out of. Because there are only so many ways that Nick and Cody can reassure Murray that he's an integral part of the team without repeating yourself, you know? And once I've done that issue, I'm not really so interested in repeating it.
But Nick gets in a sticky situation and ends up in a h/c situation? That I could do 3576312487135 times. I think I already have, in my head. ha!
and now you've handed me the plot of #4
*scratches head* Wow, I don't remember that, but go forth and prosper, my friend!
Anyway, even if you use all your tricks, there's always a way to rephrase them and use them again. But after 80K, you'll probably need a break anyway. Then you'll get a new idea.
Let's hope so! The other fic I really really really really want to write is another long one, I think, but fortunately (THANK GOODNESS) it's established relationship, which I'm dying to write after this long, chessboard nightmare of a story.
Does the whole thing have to be done before you start posting? (Hinting for an ETA.)
Yeah, I want it finished before posting. I don't think I want to inflict WIPs on people anymore; it's too sad if I don't finish, or don't finish on time. However, given that I'm home all August and part of September, I have reasonable hopes of finishing it before I leave. *knocks on wood*
Is this encouraging, or pressuring? If it's pressure, I'll stop. But it's meant to be flattering. :)
Dude, it's the most flattering thing ever, believe me. *nodnod* I could talk about writing this story forever. Except I don't want to inflict it on the flist.
The scary thing about talking about it, though, is that I don't want to set up hype that the story won't live up to. That keeps me awake at night, too. *nodnod*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 03:30 am (UTC)Makes me worry about your reaction to the next one that's coming up, where he does another very bad thing, but it's totally accidental. I didn't see you there accidental, rather than I don't know what I was thinking, but still...Maybe there's not a difference for you. If that's so, I'd better rewrite it. And none of that "it's your story" thing, this time it kind of matters. :)
How come everyone has to reassure Murray that he's useful? Can't he just be useful?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 03:39 am (UTC)Oh, wow! That's really interesting! Because I definitely get that from your writings--it really comes through. Very very interesting.
See, I was totally obsessed with Cody when I originally watched them in the eighties. I really adored Cody and thought he rocked big time. In fact, I barely remember Nick--I remember Murray more than Nick!
And now, somehow it's all transferred to Nick. ha!
Makes me worry about your reaction to the next one that's coming up, where he does another very bad thing, but it's totally accidental.
Oh dear! Well, bring it on. Don't worry about changing stuff for me; I'll just deal with it. I'm hardly your whole audience, lol. ;)
How come everyone has to reassure Murray that he's useful? Can't he just be useful?
It's all about Murray and his insecurity, which pops up every so often, y'know? And it's a trait I share with him, which is why I have been really wanting to explore it for a long time. But once I've explored it, I'm not sure I'll explore it again. *nodnod*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 01:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 02:55 pm (UTC)Then again, if it prevents you from crawling under the patio...
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 03:30 pm (UTC)Never feel guilty for making someone do her best. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 03:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 03:53 pm (UTC)This one, which is, by the way, the one that starts with the lovely wrench throwing bit, was actually conceived around the idea that got cut. I'm just putting it back. So it's really not your doing. I just need to be told to do the right thing sometimes. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 04:37 pm (UTC)This one, which is, by the way, the one that starts with the lovely wrench throwing bit, was actually conceived around the idea that got cut. I'm just putting it back. So it's really not your doing. I just need to be told to do the right thing sometimes. :)
heh. The stories sometimes tell themselves, you know. But I'm too much of a control freak to admit it. ha!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-16 04:46 pm (UTC)This one's currently dragging me all over hell's half acre, but it's the way to go, so no complaints.:)