Crazy summary from (where else) ffnet...

[valis2]

A young Muggle girl finds her way into Hogwarts and also into the infamous Potions Master.

Sounds messy.

ETA: bwa haha hahahahah!!

Two households, both alike in dignity, in London, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes-A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life…

"Fatal loins"?!! HAHAHhaha

ETA: gillieweed has pointed me to this abomination.

Comments

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Obviously Freshmen English classes in high schools around the country are teaching Romeo and Juliet this spring, because that second quote is the second time recently I saw a Harry Potter/R&J rip-off.

And it makes me sad. Well, not sad so much as resignedly amused, but you know what I mean.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

It actually makes me cheerful, because I am glad not to possess fatal loins.

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

also into the infamous Potions Master.

You'd think a Snape!Sue would want it the other way around.

And the Shakespeare one...*shakes head* I bet the author isn't being at all original. She changed what? One word? Oh wait, she took out "fair" too. *sigh* I'll bet whoever's playing Romeo and Juliet don't die at the end either. They never die like they're supposed to in those stories.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'll bet whoever's playing Romeo and Juliet don't die at the end either. They never die like they're supposed to in those stories

Oh god, you are undoubtedly correct. What a scary concept!

I hope Snape gets to play the guy who supplies poison to Romeo...and if Romeo is Harry, you know Snape is going to bounce around in glee (internally, at the very least) when it happens. "I get to off the 'Celebrity' and the Mudblood in one fell swoop? Sign me up!"

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

Anything left over he'd give to Ron and Hermione, so he could off the Know-It-All and an Annoying Weasley to boot.

I can't see Snape as Romeo. I just can't. And "fatal loins" not only is straight from R&J, it gives me a plotbunny of Snape and Juliet Sue going to the Claim Jumper where they die of bad steak.

*infamous potions master* hee hee hee

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Juliet Sue! Mwa hahaha...she's just naturally resistant to poisons, and she has a sekrit metal plate in her bosom that deflects all attempted piercings with daggers!

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

I've actually seen the Romeo and Juliet takeoff before. A LOT with Draco/Hermione, which is a ship I'm not overly fond of to begin with. And they never, EVER die at the end! I think these authors just process the "star-crossed lovers" part of R+J and their brains shut down before they get to the "half the cast dies in the end" part. I mean, it's a tragedy for a reason, people!

I think I had a rant about this in my journal a while back, because I got tired of seeing the Shakespeare ripoffs on the Pit of Voles. I think Shakespeare COULD be adapted to the Potterverse, but it would take some thought. And Romeo and Juliet isn't the right play to use, in my opinion. If one of these authors really wanted to do romance, Shakespeare wrote a lot of comedies and quite a few romances. I mean, Shakespeare ripped off the plots of most of his works from other sources, so you can adapt some of the stories, but I don't want to see anymore D/Hr happy endings based on Romeo and Juliet. You want a happy ending, rewrite Much Ado About Nothing or The Tempest or something.

< / rant>

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

You've seen these , haven't you?

[gillieweed.livejournal.com]

Ew! Ugly! But the link still works.

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

*twitch* Yes. *twitchtwitch* Unfortunately.

The "Happy Ending version" particularly made me want to gouge my eyes out.

If people could only be bothered to read a few more of Shakespeare's plays, there are ones that actually had happy endings the way Shakespeare wrote them. Granted, there isn't the exact same sense of star-crossed love, but...you know...happy ending.

I've never understood why everyone loves Romeo and Juliet so much anyway. Ok, yes, Shakespeare's writing is always lovely, but that play just never appealed to me in the way most of his other plays have (the one's I've read, of course).

[kitschicat.livejournal.com]

A young Muggle girl finds her way into Hogwarts and also into the infamous Potions Master.

It would by necessity be messy, because she's no magic ability to accomplish that task. My question, does she choose evisceration or vivisection for her method?

*veg*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Or perhaps she just skinned him and wore him like a cape!

Oh, I've squicked myself. *blech*

I'll probably regret hitting the "Post Comment" button... ;)

[sylvadin.livejournal.com]

Seeking other such *choice* examples of fanfic literature?

Then consider perusing the entries at 'Scouring Mary Sues'
http://www.livejournal.com/community/_scourgify_/

Let others do the grunt work of mining through ff.net to find the best of the worst offering in HP and LOTR fics. Each *treasure* of a story is subjected to a 'review report' that outlines the pertinent facts as to why a story was listed - these 'review reports' are...

Aw heck, I can't find the words - just trust me and go read a few of the reports - I promise you'll be laughing so hard that you'll be crying.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Heh...I've been a member of _scourgify_ since day one! ;)

pottersues is the reason I have a LJ. I wanted to comment so badly on the Sparklypoo horrors...

[ciara-belle.livejournal.com]

I love you for pimping our comm. ;D

Spread the badfic sporking love!

[pen-and-umbra.livejournal.com]

also into the infamous Potions Master

Y'know, perhaps this is a reference to the current vogue of straight guys finding the joys of anal inserts. Maybe our Mary Sue is a modern girl who straps on a rubber todger and proceeds to poke the Potion master's prostate to potent peaks?

As for "fatal loins", I have no words. I mean, my hip bones are terribly poky and have caused grave injury of the bruising sort on bed partners, but fatalities? None so far.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I was imagining loins that leap and latch on to the luckless lad, lobotomizing him through his liver.

Pssst!

[mortifyd.livejournal.com]

That's not his liver...

[mortifyd.livejournal.com]

Why did I read that as "ancient PUDGE"?

I think I need help. :P

[valis2.livejournal.com]

rofl!! I just hope his loins aren't fatal.

[mortifyd.livejournal.com]

Rima appears to still be alive... unless she's really Zombie!Rima

[cantatrix05.livejournal.com]

Now just stop being so silly. I know that no one in his/her right mind would write anything this stupid. You've all just made these up for you own amusement.

Oh, wait. There's a link. And it works. *Puts on special sunglasses to keep from being blinded by inanity*

Stories like that should come with their own warning signs. Young unsuspecting writers of English might fall in.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I swear that these summaries are real summaries from real fanfictions from ffnet!

Doesn't it make you cringe? So sad.

[aramintasnape.livejournal.com]

into the infamous Potions Master.

This sounds distinctly slashy! Shame it's meant to be het!! Bwahaha, indeed!

And that other link to the Romeo and Juliet thing... *dies* Does anyone actually order this kind of stuff?? Actually, I don't think I really want to know!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm absolutely certain that people have ordered those books. And it fills me with sadness.