There are times

[valis2]

when I want to switch lives.

Sometimes I get jealous of other people who have sane, responsible adult lives. No, really. I am a total grasshopper, out in the sun and the snow, and worse yet, it's my own thinking and actions that have gotten me here.

I am really trying to make a life, and it's not working out, and I'm starting to see that I have some issues that are thwarting me.

I was home for FOUR MONTHS STRAIGHT. What did I accomplish? Nothing beyond what I absolutely, positively had to do. I wasted a lot of time. My website is STILL not operational, and it's been five years! I have three years' worth of clothes and shoes (nice-quality) to sell on eBay--and I didn't list a thing!

I am totally procrastinating.

It's time to draw the line and make my life. I have less than a year before I attempt to buy a house. I must get my website going. Cafépress. EBay the clothing/shoes. And now I want to work on an Etsy shop. I meant to work on my children's series, and nothing happened. I wanted to at least write a chapter, if not two or three, for tLS.

All of those things I've been meaning to do MUST BE DONE so that I can see what my income level becomes with all things running concurrently. I absolutely must bring in at least $400 more per month than I'm making now. And I really want that house.

(Yeah, I did drag some videogame stuff out and sell it. And I did get ready to sell clothing, but didn't sell any. I'm pretty disappointed in myself--I did my usual, and not much more.)

I need to drag myself out of the credit card hole.

I need to get into a regular work schedule. My mind just cannot grasp this--I do have periods where I work like a crazy person, and then, almost as a spiteful thing, my mind rebells when I get home, and wants to play on the internet. It wants to jump from thing to thing, and if it doesn't feel like doing what I must do, it gets pouty, and disoriented, and I sit at my crafting desk and stare at things and get nothing whatsoever done.

How do people get past their own roadblocks? I haven't a clue. When all is said and done, I do work 40+ every week, but I should do more, definitely. And I must do more. I must get super organized so that I stop making stupid mistakes (or at least fewer stupid mistakes) and I have to try to pay attention.

The usual valis method:

1.) Have to do something? Okay, I will sit and think about it and think about it, trying to understand the whole situation so that I can attack it in the best, most efficient manner.
2.) Let's see...the job consists of parts A through G.
3.) Hmm. There are other things I must do in order to complete parts B and G. Therefore I will not start the project until I have B and G ready to go. Otherwise I will have half-finished things lying around, which I hate.
4.) Hmm. Part C isn't quite efficient enough. Something might break/fail. Must put everything on the backburner so that my mind can solve it later.
5.) Thinking about part C.
6.) Distracted (from one day to three years); might possibly complete part B and/or G, but probably not.
7.) MUST DO PROJECT. Time is almost up.
8.) Thinking about the project anew.
9.) Hmm. Must do things in order to complete parts B and G. (Finishes what is left)
10.) Hmm. Part C. Fucking bastard part C. I hate you.
11.) Asks family and friends for advice. Is dissatisfied--everyone has thought of the same solutions.
12.) DEADLINE LOOMS.
13.) Works on parts A through G in scattered fashion--completing parts A and D, then running to G, then back to B, then back to G, and so on, leaving C until last because I'm still freaking out about it.
14.) Frantically finishes everything, and works on part C in haphazard manner.
15.) Everything is finished, but contains stupid mistakes.

I am a procrastinating perfectionist, I have a touch of OCD, and my mind is constantly distracting me. Yes, I can focus sometimes, and I do--I'm able to do really boring detailed work when I'm at my day job for eight hours at a time--but at home? Argh! I just can't get back into a rhythm.

I think I'm just so used to dashing about in between time away that I have no idea how to work out my schedule when I'm home.

Now I'll try to think of positive things. I don't want to make myself obsess over the negative things. I have managed to get rid of three giant boxes of video game stuff, I've managed to prepare enough for the clothing listings that I will be able to list them as soon as I get home, I have sorted some merchandise I needed to sort (2/3 done, I'd say) and am ready for spring shows, I actually have sent off applications for spring shows, and I've managed to find a pair of shoes. And I put together an entire dress outfit for a wedding I went to in December. And I did shows while I was home, and I crafted several items, and I had a giveaway on the LJ, and I cleaned out bookcases because of the water leak. I also now have a new DVD player for the office, so theoretically I'll be able to craft and watch DVDs and not obsess so much over the crappy cable. And I am getting a new car stereo installed on Monday and new brakes on Tuesday, which I really need. I have made a little bit of progress on the children's series.

Thanks for letting me rant, flist. I needed that.

Comments

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

To-do lists are a must. It's the only way I can keep myself from getting side tracked when I'm working on a project.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I was so hoping you'd respond--you really seem to understand what I'm talking about.

And to-do lists are the only way I can keep myself in line. I have four--maybe five of them I have to finish before Thursday.

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

I totally get it. I can set out to clean the kitchen and end with a bigger mess than when I started but, man, oh man, will one drawer be PERFECT!

[artystone.livejournal.com]

ROFL! I SO hear that. You close your perfect drawer then think, "What's all this shit on the counter?"

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I've found that I need to break my to-do lists down to details if I want to get something done. It can't just be "clean bathroom". I have to have

1. clean sink
2. clean toilet
3. clean shower
4. sweep/mop floor
5. wash towels

It keeps me from getting overwhelmed and focused on the task(s) at hand. I'll also do things like "30 minutes cleaning living room" so I don't walk in a room and get discouraged.

[jaelle-n-gilla.livejournal.com]

Self-motivation and self-control are hardest. I know from my "home office" time. When there isn't any outside pressure, it's hard to get things done.

I agree, to-do lists are a good thing. Have them measurable and draw a line what to do on a given day. Or say at least 6 items (or 10, or 2).
Another trick that worked for me was setting an alarm clock and giving me till noon for myself. I would be lazy and surf the internet, and when the alarmclock rang I would start working on the to-dos until I reached my goal for the day. Sometimes it took 4 hours, sometimes late into the night, but it worked better than not finding a starting point for ever.

Also, maybe print a picture of that house and stick it to the wall or monitor where you do most of your to-do work. It's motivating. Don't stick it where you see it while taking time off (if that's a different place). You deserve it and the house shouldn't be your bad conscience.

Good luck :-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

That's a great idea about the house. I need something to think about, some sort of giant reward, lol!

I really think I need to start structuring my time. I need to think about the time for working and the time for wasting, and how to put the two together better.

I usually rebel against anything like that, honestly. And worse, when I do start doing something, my mind immediately wants to switch to some other job. I've started a new tactic--if I want to switch, I do. Otherwise I just sit there and start obsessing about the other job.

It's more random, but it's a lot less frustrating.

[jaelle-n-gilla.livejournal.com]

If this way of switching gets the job done, I say go for it. Also, it helps to do small steps for most people. I found it much easier to motivate myself to work for an hour, then have a break and a snack, and start over again, than thinking about 8 hours a day.

I still do that at work. I finish a task, then take a few minutes to read LJ, then back to the next task. Works for me :-)

[gmth.livejournal.com]

OMG, you sound so much like me. I struggle with this kind of stuff constantly and I can SO empathize with that feeling of being stuck in a hole. I have no good advice for you, I just wanted to let you know someone hears you and has an idea what you are going through. *hugs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, seriously. I always feel like I'm doomed to sit at the kid's table and have kid issues--I keep forgetting that they are adult issues, and that other adults have them, too. Thank you so much for making me feel better!

[aubrem.livejournal.com]

Report to us each day regarding your to-do list and what you got accomplished - or privately on some sort of list/spreadsheet thing. Have your goals written at the top. Try to stay excited about the goals, the house.

You can and will do this. We are rooting for you and totally understand procrastination.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Aw, such good advice. Thank you so much, sweetheart, it's really appreciated.

The house is my inspiration. I have to focus on that and keep myself motivated that way--you're totally right.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

I keep lists, it's the only way I can focus at times, when life gets overwhelming.

I'm 44 and still have the feeling of needing to escape from the world at times. That's what the Potterverse is for ;-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Lists are great--they're the only way I can keep myself focused in any manner.

But I go through periods where I'm afraid to look at the list because I get overwhelmed with how much is there. lol!

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if the list passes one page I am doomed, and I can write small!

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you face a different sort of problem than myself. Once I dive into something I don't stop and that means I neglect other things I need to do. This in both work and pleasure. So where you don't get anything done cause you plan too much I plan too little and get a few things done (often with dire consquences due to poor planning).

There must be someplace in the middle...

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I do dive into things--but unfortunately they are things that don't need to be done! They're things like playing around on the internet. What a mess I make of things, heh!

Yeah, I'd like to find that place in the middle as well. I hate the feeling of getting nothing accomplished.

[privatemaladict.livejournal.com]

I'm a dreadful procrastinator, which is a very poor trait in somebody who has to do ridiculous amounts of study. When I feel things are really getting out of my control, the way I deal with it is to make a list of everything I need to accomplish - but making sure to break everything up into manageable goals. For example, "Study function and anatomy of brain" is a lot scarier than:

1) Study anatomy of brainstem
2) Study function of brainstem
3) Study anatomy of cerebellum
4) Make brief notes on function of cerebellum (which is terribly complicated, but rarely comes up in any sort of detail in exams)
5) Anatomy of cerebrum
6) Function of frontal lobe
7) function of temporal lobe
8) etc...

Broken up like this, it's just a series of small and fairly simple tasks - manageable goals. And if I find I'm still procrastinating, I try to set myself little deadlines. For instance, "I can't have lunch until I've done 1-5."

It is very hard and takes a lot of effort, but I think the trick is to break everything up into smaller tasks, and to be very clear with myself about what I want to accomplish in a given short period of time. Telling myself I want to be an expert on the function and anatomy of the brain by the end of the week isn't going to work, because I'll just end up putting it off until the end of the week. But telling myself I want to be an expert on the function and anatomy of the brainstem by lunchtime... that might actually work.

Also, make sure you have clear goals. For example, not just "Write TLS" as a task, but "Write 500 words today", or "Complete chapter today". That way you really know what you're aiming for.

Sorry if any of this is blindingly obvious. It took me years of university to figure out, so I thought I might share in case any of it helps.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I used to write lists with completely monumental tasks on them all the time--things like "Make website" which were completely useless.

And I'd also write the teeniest tiny details of other jobs.

I'm trying to get to the point where I can look at the list and not hyperventilate. I get this really awful panic, these thoughts of unhappiness about the list in general, and it makes me avoid it. So I have to force myself to stop doing that--it's horribly counter-productive. I guess I always worry that I've already done all of the "easy" things and now I'll have to do the hard things.

*sigh*

Thanks so much for the inspiration--it's good to try any trick to organize, you know?

[creascendo.livejournal.com]

Seeing that list really made me realise this is why I always feel super busy, but never get anything done. I'm always mulling over things and if there's the tiniest problem with the methodology; I'm stuck.

Sorry, but I have no useful advice to give. Just wanted to say I understand and hope you can find a way to make progress at the pace you want. *hugs*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I cannot get past any little problem with a task. If I have any doubts--it sits.

I have something on my crafting desk that's been sitting there for THREE YEARS. Simply because I can't get past the basic connection issues. *growls at self*

[todayiamadaisy]

I'm one of nature's procrastinators too. I found working in a structured job very difficult, because I need procrastination time; but left to my own devices I'd never do anything. I seem to work best in a situation where I have some external boundaries and some control over what I do myself.

Last year I made a concerted effort to get myself organised. Someone recommended Dave Allen's Getting Things Done, and it was useful. Not the whole system (Me maintaining 43 organising folders? That will never happen.), but the general process of collecting and reviewing and breaking things down to the next basic task is great. It's worth a read if you can find it.

The thing I find most helpful is every night to write a list of three things that I'm going to do the next day, things that I would be disappointed if I hadn't done by the time I went to bed the next night. Today's list, for example, is to go for a bike ride, finish my library book so I can return it tomorrow and update my wall calendar (today being Sunday, it's a relaxed list). And then I just have to make sure I do those things; if I do anything else, I write it down in the next column, so at the end of the day I can see that I did actually achieve something. :-)

[valis2.livejournal.com]

Last year I made a concerted effort to get myself organised. Someone recommended Dave Allen's Getting Things Done, and it was useful

That sounds interesting. Franklin Planner used to be the go-to organizational system, but I find that it only lasts a month with me; I hate investing so much time in writing everything up. Eventually it falls by the wayside.

The thing I find most helpful is every night to write a list of three things that I'm going to do the next day, things that I would be disappointed if I hadn't done by the time I went to bed the next night.

I remember when you were first talking about that system--it still intrigues me. I like that idea, too. I really need to look at what I'm doing and start working my schedule around it so that I can have some time to waste and some time to work. The wasted time keeps flowing right over the working time!

[todayiamadaisy]

I hate investing so much time in writing everything up

Yes, I could see that being a problem with the Getting Things Done method as well. When I was reading about it last year, I found a number of blogs dedicated to tracking how well their GTD system was going, as opposed to whatever Things they were actually meant to be Getting Done. I felt they were kind of missing the point - the system should be the means, not the end, you know? :-)

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

I second Getting Things Done. It's a great base system that you can then customize for your own situation. That, in conjunction with the printable resources from the folks at DIY Planner, using Circa notebooks from Levenger, and making up my own custom thumb drive wikis using TiddlyWiki has really helped me to stop procrastinating and become more productive. I used to use the Franklin Planner system but it just wasn't flexible enough for my situation--I spent tons of money on pages that I never used. With DIY + Circa, I can print out only the types of pages that I want, when I want them, in the size that I want.

BTW, I'm going to be starting up an Etsy site, too! I'd been meaning to ask you if you had one given that you do a lot of eBaying.

[sylvadin.livejournal.com]

Gee, I have *no* problems with procrastinating when it comes to getting my craft projects done. (...hurriedly hides year-old to-do lists under boxes of fabric scraps that have been waiting since 2004 to be sorted...) ;-)

For me, the biggest trick I use to get things done when I'm feeling disorganized or am procrastinating is the 'timer' technique. (I use this technique a lot when I'm feeling unmotivated to sew cloaks or work on other inventory.) I'll pick a task, I'll literally set a kitchen timer for 15 minutes, and then I'll concentrate on working as quickly and efficiently as possible on that one task. I don't worry about finishing the task, I only focus on getting whatever I can done during those 15 minutes. When the buzzer rings, I give myself guilt-free permission to stop - sometimes I do, but often what will happen is that my mind says 'hey, just a few minutes more and we'll be all done with this chore' and thus I'll keep going. Or, if I'm working on a larger project, I might feel inclined to do another 15 minute 'sprint'...

The timer technique works for me because I know that even on the worst of procrastination days I can force myself to focus for 15 minutes on one single task. I remind myself that getting some work done is far better than getting nothing done. Plus, it's rather surprising what one can accomplish in a quarter-hour of concentrated effort. Fifteen minutes here, fifteen minutes there, do that repeatedly through the day and the results rapidly add up.

[valis2.livejournal.com]

When the buzzer rings, I give myself guilt-free permission to stop - sometimes I do, but often what will happen is that my mind says 'hey, just a few minutes more and we'll be all done with this chore' and thus I'll keep going. Or, if I'm working on a larger project, I might feel inclined to do another 15 minute 'sprint'...

That's a really interesting idea! And, knowing me, I'll just plow past if I'm really into it.

I'm definitely going to add that to my ideas list here. I need to do something, you know? I'm so totally procrastinating and I have to get out of this silly frame of mind.

*giant hugs*

[bronze-ribbons.livejournal.com]

*sympathizes deeply*

I tend to be massively unrealistic about how much I can fit into a single day (and to underestimate how much I can do without sleep). So two tactics I've started learning to adopt over the past year are

(1) when I write out a to-do list, to include realistic, hour-by-hour estimates for how much time I expect a task to take, and to recognize that everything on my list will take AT MINIMUM twice as long as I think it will. It is astounding how many of my lists turn out to be 42-hour days when I add the numbers up and go, "Oh, shit..." (In all honesty, it hasn't stopped me from procrastinating or getting behind, but it has SERIOUSLY built up my ability to say "no" to most shiny new projects (and to ditch a number of insufficiently rewarding old commitments), and I count that as a giant victory.)

(2) I've started tracking how I really spend my day in 15 minute increments. It's one thing to know vaguely that I waste too much time moping/surfing the net; it's embarassing when I actually write it down on my tracking sheet and see so many more blocks devoted to faffing around than productive work. *grimace*

These tools aren't anywhere near foolproof (witness the fact that I'm on the 'net now...) but they're kind of like sniffing perfume when I want a cookie -- every now and then they make me pause long enough to let the inner macher win over the inner demon. ;-)

Good luck, hon! *rooting for you*

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I tend to be massively unrealistic about how much I can fit into a single day (and to underestimate how much I can do without sleep).

I keep putting things off, until I get close to the deadline--and then OMG AAAAA I have to run around like a crazy person!!

(2) I've started tracking how I really spend my day in 15 minute increments. It's one thing to know vaguely that I waste too much time moping/surfing the net; it's embarassing when I actually write it down on my tracking sheet and see so many more blocks devoted to faffing around than productive work. *grimace*

If I did that, I'd cry! I hate thinking about the time I waste on the internets--and it's hard to cut back, because I (legitimately) must check it constantly to keep up with eBay.

I find that if I sit and think, "Okay, I've done all I should do, GET UP," it helps. I get to a point where I've checked every tab, and really, I should just go do something else, but then the refresh daemon rears its ugly head, and then I just keep playing and playing...

Good luck, hon! *rooting for you*

*roots for us both* We will overcome!! ;)

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

Hugs. Sometimes the road blocks we put up for ourselves are the worst ones to deal with.

Yes, TLS chapters, please!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I so badly wanted to write some while I was home--boy, that did not work out. Grrr!

[catsintheattic.livejournal.com]

To-do lists are one thing, and important, I agree. But might you also need a vision. When I only schedule my time, for me, that's not enough to keep me happy. I need the big picture. And the more I am in touch with where I'm heading to, the better I can cope with the mundane tasks of life as well. Maybe the house could be something like that for you?

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping the house draws me out of this well of procrastination, definitely.

*hugs*

[mariannelee.livejournal.com]

Maybe you shouldn't be trying to do more. Maybe you should be trying to do less? I don't mean work less, but accomplish less. You've set so many goals for yourself that you are overwhelmed.

There is a really popular organizational book for
SHE's -- sidetracked home executives. They talk about getting your house in order, but it is kind of the same thing. One of the many small, helpful things that they suggest is the 15-minute idea. Your house didn't get messed up in a day, it won't get cleaned up in a day. Diligently, every day, set your timer for 15 minutes, and tell yourself you are going to work on this one small project. Cleaning out a drawer, clearing clutter out of the living room. In your case maybe sorting merchandise. Getting started is the big problem because the job is huge and it seems overwhelming. You give yourself permission to quit after 15 minutes, and so it doesn't seem so bad. Often, when I use this, I find myself working longer than the 15 minutes.

HTH!

[valis2.livejournal.com]

The 15 minute thing was mentioned by sylvadin as well, and it's a really interesting idea.

I'm seeing that I really have to get excited about something to do it. I have to get into a Getting Things Done mood.

I'm definitely seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I looked over my lists, and it isn't as overwhelming as I thought it was. I might even be okay when I leave for AZ, believe it or not!

[artystone.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I get jealous of other people who have sane, responsible adult lives.

Name one.

I guarantee you'll find they're feeling just as lost and confused as you are.
\:(

[valis2.livejournal.com]

hee! Well, there are a couple LJers I could mention...some days I just really want to swap lives with them, they seem so content!

But you know, that's probably just an illusion. Everyone has troubles.

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

procrastinating perfectionist
WORD.

I feel you! Oof. I finally got a side table cleaned off in the last month, and there was stuff at the bottom of the pile from...February! Ahhhgh! ;s

*hugs*
I think I'm going to try to just get UP from the computer more, and just pick up a few things during the stretch and bathroom break. ;p

[valis2.livejournal.com]

I'm still trying to motivate myself. I bought a new notebook while I was gone--it's a list-sized notebook, and so far I've been trying to keep to-do lists in it, and I think this might be the answer I've been looking for.